Chad felt terrible. He felt so empty. It was so hot. At least the bubbling and churning had stopped. Was he really going to become that weird statue with the tentacles? He wondered whether it had been hours, days or weeks that had passed.
At last he heard a noise. The lid was coming off. There was a whooshing sound as steam under pressure escaped from the drum.
"YES!" said Rico turning his back on Chad and fist pumping the sky. "It worked! I extracted Chad's life essence and brought my statue to life!"
"Rawrh!" roared the tentacled Chad creature moving toward Rico as he stepped away and unblocked Chad's view. It cleared its throat, "Ah, Rico, you have done well. I walk the earth again, while Cthulu rots in the space between." And he vanished in a cloud of sulfurous smoke.
Rico coughed and sputtered. "Aw, Dark Master!" Then he came and looked in the barrel at Chad.
"Well, that was a heck of a diet. You must've lost at least 150lbs, Chad. Heh, heh. Oh, yeah, you don't know yet, do you? Well, I lied about the wax method - I mean, there is a lost wax method for making statues, but it doesn't have anything to do with what's happened to you. I just said that to freak you out, and because I didn't think your feeble jock mind could handle the truth. The part of you that I needed to resurrect my master is gone, and your mind, soul, whatever remains is basically a byproduct. Industrial waste, if you like."
He reaches in with a gloved hand and lifts Chad's rubbery mass out.
"Heh, heh, now to try you out!"