"It's about time." You quietly mutter to yourself. While you're all for the pursuit of a better tomorrow, the waiting has drained all the excitement from this little adventure. A grumbling from your stomach disturbs your inner whinge and a small burp manages to escape your lips.
"Erm, I don't suppose you've noticed any changes yet, have you?" You hear the good doctor ask, almost... timidly?
"No. None what so ever." Another burp alerts you to the fact that this may be more than indigestion. "Hold on, I think it's starting to work."
"What?! I mean, what effects are you currently experiencing? Anything drastic? Dizziness? Cramps? Have you lost or gained any appendages?"
Ok, don't remember that in the brochure. "Um, no. I'm just feeling a little gassy is all. Remember, you said it would induce lots of gas?"
"Oh, oh yes. Well then, that does help us greatly. Slims down the possibilities a great deal." You hear him say. His relieved tone would help settle your worries if it wasn't for the fact that he mentioned-
"Possibilities?"
"Hm? Ah, that... I mean, well... you see-"
"Spit it *urrrrrp* out already." You glare irritated at the surveillance camera in the corner of your room.
"Right, funny story actually. You see there was a small, ah... mistake made when we distributed the formula, my lab associates where celebrating the launch of the project and they weren't paying attention with the champagne and all... and we're... we're not particularly certain what was given to you... hehe."
"I'm sorry, I thought I just heard you say you may have very possibly endangered my life because you were busy partying?" You ask calmly. If it weren't for the nervous tick of your left eye, he might have believed you really were taking this quite well.
"Not may have, we know definitely that you were given something else when Dr Dobison had a gas attack that resulted in him growing a tail... quite funny when you look at-"
"HUANG!"
"Ehehe, I don't suppose it would be any consolation that most of the other fellows are preceding according to plan?"
Most? If it wasn't bad enough that they messed you up, the others are going through this as well. That's it, damn tomorrow, you want out! Just as you are about to tell the doctor he can stick it where the sun don't shine, your stomach gurgles loudly and you feel a great amount of pressure build. You look down and place your hands on your uniform, prodding your belly. As you press down, you realise its pressing back! Slowly your gut inflates with a slight hissing sound, gently rising up and out. You see it press against your buttons, like a fast-forwarded pregnancy, and it stops before managing to pop any buttons. The cloth of your uniform is stretched over your new gut and you take a look at yourself in the mirror nearby. It looks like someone stuffed a few pillows down your throat- you guess your gut is around 48 inches! The pressure builds up again and you belch out a green gas! This time however, your 'beer' belly shrinks back down to its normal state, though as you prod it, you notice your washboard abs aren't as hard as they used to be.
"Excellent!" You hear Huang yell over the intercom.
"EXCELLENT?! I'm a walking balloon and you think its EXCELLENT?!"
"Well, it's better than nothing. With the results you are giving, it will be much easier to determine what you have ingested." You can't believe the moron is actually happy.
"You don't even know what you gave me?!" Oh, this just keeps getting better...
"No, not exactly. But your bloating and gassy symptoms narrow it down to one in..." The doctor trails off at the end.
"Did you say one in six?" Well, it could be worse.
"Umm, one in six-teen." See, it could be and was. "Don't worry, we'll solve the problem right away. Don't try to do anything rash or try to... hold it in." An excuse to burp. Gee, thank you. "We'll contact you as soon as possible."
"Great, just great. You had to complain about the waiting." You mutter to yourself. You move to sit back down on the couch and fart loudly as you bend.
"A walking talking whoopee cushion. Well, look on the bright side. I get free food." Your stomach, in response grumbles again.
“Oh, shit…”