“Fuck,” Frederick swore; sitting in the outhouse in visible distress. His ass felt like it was on fire as if he was given a laxative and unable to stop his bowels from spilling its contents. While he did wake up hung over; drinking a vast quantity of Kentucky Bourbon the night before; leaving him in a deep stupor as Leon Talbot’s brother and nephews snatched the remaining of Freddie’s men, spiking some of the food with Epsom Salt, Citrate of Magnesia and Milk of Magnesia in the coffee grounds and coffee creamer. All natural laxatives and available in any drug store without a prescription.
Frederick had no clue that the food his men bought was spiked during the evening. After diving into the eggs that one man made and washing the toast down with coffee; Frederick thought he was going to throw up; a common side effect of consuming enough liquor to nearly induce alcohol poisoning. So when Frederick made that mash dash to the outhouse; that queasy feeling migrated lower and he nearly ended up shitting his pants. The mobster from San Francisco breathing a momentary side of relief; Thinking he was done, Frederick looks around for some toilet paper.
“Boss,” one of the nine men that arrived this morning speaking through the door; “are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” Frederick lying; in truth he was not so sure as he ended up squeezing out another pile of excrament. “But get me some toilet paper; “I’m not seeing any in this shit hole.”
“On it,” the man speaking through the door; “in the meantime I think you should listen to this. It’s a radio broadcast from one of the local stations here in town.”
"Put the radio next to the door and get me some paper," Frederick snapping.
“If your just tuning in; then you have stumbled onto Crazy Crabby Camilla here on KPXX. You may be wondering why you are listening to me instead of the weekend DJ. Well it’s simple; this isn’t the weekend and I have seniority, and I find time and a half pay making up for having to be at a nearly empty broadcast station on Labor Day some what tolerable. You have a problem then send a complaint to this email address IH8UALL@upyours.com. Yeah you heard me; that’s the email I forward all mail to because the station manager blanched springing for a hand grenade with the message pull pin and wait.
Now that we have gotten that out of the way; time for some news. Local weather man has once again flip-flopped on his five day forecast. Predicting a light to moderate stretch of precipitation, he has now back peddled and said we are in for sun, sun and more sun. Learn to read Doppler you nob!
In the strange and amusing; and I do mean amusing; roll on the floor and piss your pants funny. Two men were picked up by border patrol trying to cross the U.S-Canadian border last night. Odd thing was when arrested; both men were buck naked, no clothes no nothing. Border patrol refuses to divulge their names, yet have let slipped that the men are from California and have extensive criminal records. They are associated with the mobster known as Freddie the Shark. Oddly enough, Freddie’s son Daniel Parker is a current resident of our local jail awaiting trial for shooting Peter Talbot….”
Frederick seethed as the radio DJ continued to relay news; none of it good for him. Recapping the warehouse raid in Oakland California; a raid that cost him millions in cash and millions in heroin. Frederick nearly busted out of the outhouse without wiping when a knock transpired.
“Toilet paper boss,” a hand appearing with a roll.
“Fine,” Frederick barking; “I’ll be out in a minute.”
Moments later Freddie comes out of the outhouse; his hand on his abdomen, the feeling of another round of explosive diarrhea a near possibility. Frederick looks at the men that arrived; nine in total with three black Escalades.
“That’s another two of my men pinched,” Frederick looking disgusted; “crossing the border naked. Is this some kind of joke? Do I look amused? Is this a script for a Crocodile Dundee movie that was rejected? Where are the rest of my men that were with me?”
“I can’t answer those boss,” one of the men answering; “but we have been monitoring the local police band. The news is grim.”
“What is it,” Frederick snapping; “what is going to fuck this up even further?”
“It seems they managed to get wind of our planned assault,” the man answering; “the whole police department is on alert.”
“That just means less deputies to chase after us,” Frederick snorting; “kill them all as far as I’m concerned.”
“This operation will go far quicker and smoother once Chelnik shows up,” the man shaking his head.
Frederick glared at the man for mentioning his body guard. Not knowing that Chelnik is a corpse sitting in the hospital’s morgue; killed by the FBI agent that now has Daniel Parker safe in her custody in the Seattle field office.
“If Chelnik shows up,” Frederick speaking; “by all means, let him assist us. Then,” Frederick heading to one of the Escalade's and pulling out a bullet proof vest and a Glock; “kill the man. He has become more trouble than he’s worth.”
“There is one other thing,” the man mentioning; “on the way over we got word that a massage parlor in Oakland was raided.”
“Compared to the warehouse raid the other day,” Frederick is managing to remain calm; “that’s peanuts.”
“Apparently the whole block was bought up for gentrification plans,” the man answering; “the new owners discovered a massage parlor full of illegals and called the police to clean it out.”
“Just out of curiosity,” Frederick strapping the bullet proof vest on; “which massage parlor in Oakland?”
“The one with the Asian ladies I think,” the man scratching his head unsure of the exact one.
“Dam,” Frederick shaking his head; “I was fond of that one. A pretty girl there was learning her English. She had this accent in which her T’s sounded like D’s. Oh well,” Frederick sighing; “at least they can’t trace that place back to me. Let’s gear up and get going.”
*******
As Frederick and the few men he had geared up; the Talbots that have been watching and observing. Radioing in to Leon that they are on the move.
“Be advised,” one of the Talbots speaking softly; “they have body armor and high caliber weapons, possible explosives as well.”
“Acknowledge,” Leon can be heard on the other end; “Sheriff Cooper heard and is readying his men. Get someplace safe you three.”
*******
“It won’t be long,” Douglas looking at Leon as the were-lion put the radio down; “you sure of not wanting to ambush Frederick in the holding cells?”
“If the dream I had was any indication,” Leon answering; “yes.”
Then here,” Sheriff Cooper handing Leon a strange weapon; “it’s a grenade launcher modified for riot suppression. “It fires tear gas and other nonlethal rounds,” Sheriff Cooper looking at Leon; “hunker down on the roof of the station and start launching the gas at Frederick and his goons as soon as they show up, then get to safety.”
“Just hope the wind doesn’t blow it back to me,” Leon taking the device and tear gas cartridges; “this stuff is nasty for a were, what with our keen sense of smell”
“Just be careful,” Sheriff Cooper looking at Leon; “don’t take any unnecessary risks.”