You walked along the path to the Fruit Garden knowing full well that it was well before picking season for most plants, the spring flowers were just finishing their bloom. As you rounded the path you felt as though you were a million miles from civilization, which was refreshing, though unsettling as you had grown accustomed to the constant cacophonous clatter from the city behind you. The sudden sense of alienation filled you with a giddy rush of freedom as you marveled at the brilliant colors and intoxicating scents that greeted you with every step.
A few steps later and you stopped mid stride. The air seemed heavier and a smell... no, a memory...
"Honey, come inside! It's freezing out here!" Your mom called from the front door.
"Okay Mom! I'm almost done." You screamed back, continuing to pat more snow onto the base of your snowman.
A moment later you were finished and waddled up to the house. The doorknob was especially stubborn because your gloves had been soaked at least half an hour ago and you had lost feeling in your fingers at least 20 minutes ago. Eventually you had gotten inside and shut the door behind you. Breathing was suddenly difficult with the sharp change in temperature and humidity. It was almost like walking into a sauna and by the time you removed your boots and gloves, with much effort, and sat down, you were roasting alive in your snowsuit. Your fingers were beginning to tingle as they were waking back up, but they refused to tell you if you were actually grasping the zipper. After beginning to panic you finally got the zipper and, with a largely exaggerated flourish, you freed yourself from your snowsuit prison.
As soon as you were free, your body decided your nose needed to run. Does it make sense? Not at all. But you ran to the bathroom to sneeze a few times and blow your nose. As soon as that was done you ran into the kitchen as Mom was cutting a pie fresh out of the oven. No, it wasn't homemade. It was ready to bake, like pizza, but it was rare. Mom put a huge piece into a bowl and plopped a giant scoop of vanilla ice cream on top, with a cherry!!!
She said, "Show me what you made."
A smile immediately splashed across your face as you ran to the window, beaming with pride as you pointed at the snowman and told her its whole life story.
"Very nice craftsmanship. Here, you've earned this." she said as she handed you the apple pie a la mode.
That memory of pure joy hit you suddenly like a ton of bricks. You felt how simple the world was, joy, pride, love, appreciation... sugar coma. Everything the 5 year old version of yourself ever truly wanted, was satisfied in that moment.
You felt a tear stream down your face but the privacy afforded by this place allowed you the freedom to let it sit there. you weren't embarrassed or ashamed, you have feelings and that's okay.
That smell somehow reminded you of warm apple pie a la mode and mid-winter snowmen, where was it coming from?
With a peace that pervaded your core, which you hand known since childhood, you pressed onward finding a vine on a trellis bearing a strange green fruit and white flowers. The aroma intoxicating aroma was coming from this plant and as you shambled closer you bumped into a placard and nearly fell into the landscaping.
You felt embarrassed despite nobody seeing you almost trip and as you looked around, you realize you reached the fruit garden. There were trees, shrubs, vines and ground cover, all bearing fruit of exotic colors, shapes, sizes and each emitting its own tantalizing aroma, none of which you have seen.
The placard was an obnoxious florescent with "Do Not Eat: Poison!" in bold letters followed by a skull and crossbones. Under that it explained that this plant is called "Heaven's Siren", those who eat the fruit, even in small quantities, fall into a coma like state and without medical attention, stay that way until death. You read that the plant uses this tactic to fertilize the ground and...
As you were reading this you watched a bird fly up to the plant, landing on barbed wire, which you didn't notice surrounding it until now, and peck at one of the berries. Within a few seconds it fell to the ground at the base of the plant, where you saw a small litter of corpses. Rabbits, squirrels, chipmunks, raccoons, and birds, all in various stages of decomposition. Horrified, you moved away.
There were several variations of fruits which simply stated "Do not eat, this plant will upset your stomach", but much to your surprise there were some very strange signs "Not to be eaten by females or prepubescent males." which almost made it sound like teen males or men were invited to chow down. "Though it has a very unpleasant taste, the fruit from the "Adam's Courage" plant changes brain chemistry in males, permanently increasing hormone output in many mammalian species to a small degree, including humans. Effects are noticed within as little as two days and are visible to others within as little as a month. Side effects include increased masculation*, rash, acne, random ejaculation, as well as mental side effects*."
* For more details or in the event of accidental ingestion, please contact park services immediately, between the hours of 10am-2pm on weekdays excluding holidays and excluding the hour between 12pm and 1pm.
There was a similar plant, called "Eternal Embers" that related specifically to females but it was geared towards ensuring pregnancy. "Ovulation will occur continuously every 60 hours until pregnancy occurs, mammals that go into heat who consume this, do. This plant has been used to force early menopause on animals that are not intended for breeding. Warning, consumption followed by abstinence will eventually cause early, but rapid menopause. May be used to shorten duration of menopause."
The next plant was a vine with what looked like bunches of striped cherries. The sign warned that the plant was highly addictive and that it would increase tolerance to other drugs 10 fold, it went on to say that it would be the best, longest lasting high of your life which left you with the feeling that whoever put these signs here, was again encouraging you to eat it. There was commentary that it had been used to destroy the mental addiction of other drugs so the battle was only on the physical and habitual side.
By far the weirdest looking fruit was the "Queens Army aka. Devils Siphon" plant. This one was explicitly restricted for anyone over 22 years of age with warning of the potential of seizures. It was lots of little banana shaped fruit that worked together to make a flower shape, in the center was a nut and apparently the meat of the nut was nontoxic for boys and the bananas that made the flower were safe for girls. The sign promised that any child who eats their gender specific plant part would be medically indistinguishable from a 25 year old within the year depending on their starting age. A 22 year old would be there within a week. A 16 year old would take a few months. A young toddler would take the whole time-frame. There was a warning about insatiable appetite and a chance of starvation within 30 minutes for children under 10. At the bottom there was a legend that the Queen of some unpronounceable Eastern European country used this plant to raise (literally... from childhood... raise....) an army. Though the initial battles were won, the economy fell to pieces as adults have much larger appetites than children and there were no jobs to be had. The country was soon erased from history and the peasantry destroyed any sighting of this plant to near extinction claiming the former queen bargained with the devil to get her army. There was a warning that eating the wrong part of the plant would halt some aspects of puberty depending on age, causing a level of androgynification if you were too young, which you thought was a vague warning.
There was a small and thorny bush which had a tantalizing patch of berries in its center protected by the thorns. The sign playfully warned that it would ruin your diet, more specifically it would ruin any hopes of dieting ever again. It explained that this berry increases sensitivity to sugar dramatically, and permanently increases insulin levels causing lethargy and weight gain.
Another bush seemed to have the opposite overall effect, it triggers your mitochondria to divide which would devour sugar turning it into energy and keeping you more alert and ready to go.
The "Eros Tree" warned that the fruit would cause severe and lasting depression but the sap from this tree was the primary ingredient of all love potions, with good reason. That got a good chuckle out of you.
At this rate you were expecting to turn around and find the Tree of Knowledge from the Garden of Eden. The signs were ridiculous but you couldn't discount the signs completely remembering the Heaven's Siren and the pile of dead creatures at its base.
Looking around you see the pathway continues to another section with more plants but there were a few you missed here still.