After a short trip home, Jack arrived at his home, a little house in a cozy cul de sac that was perfect for raising a family. At least, it would be perfect if Rick didn't live there. Jake had gotten several complaints from the neighbors asking him to kick Rick out. He had agreed, and once Rick got home, Jake will tell him to leave. But that was the least of his worries. he had to find some way to convince his wife he wasn't drunk. Jake wasn't drunk, and he knew it. He hadn't had anything to drink alcohol wise since senior year. Yet here he was, acting like a pass out drunk. Walking (more stumbling) up to his door, he found a note that read the following:
Dear Jake (or Rick, if he gets home first),
Me and Fiona went out to the new girls only bar. Won't be home until after midnight. Don't worry, I won't get drunk. I'm her designated driver. I'll bring home some of their wings.
Love, Jenni.
Jake fumbled with his keys, feeling sleepier with every motion. Once he got in, he went to the kitchen, got some water, and started to head to bed. Normally, Jake would sleep in his Deadpool pajamas he got from Rick when he was 17, but he was feeling ready to crash. He plopped down on the bed, and as soon as he hit the pillow, he was out.
Normally, Jake had two types of dreams: crazy dreams that seemed like they belonged on a YTP, or sexual dreams, most of the time involving his wife with increased assets. Tonight however was something different. He was in the perspective of something low to the ground, and he had reddish brown hair in his eyes. He was in the grass, and he could faintly see something through it, the outline of some sort of animal. The person who was his p.o.v. stuck his head out of the grass. He saw in full view that there was a gazelle drinking water from a puddle. Jake was a vegetarian, mainly because he didn't like the taste or texture of meat, but the sight of the prey made his mouth water for some reason. It was like he hadn't eaten in days, and the gazelle was a prime meal for him. It was fatter than most gazelle he had seen on the Discovery Channel, but only by a little. Jake wanted to lunge out and kill the gazelle and savor it's meat, but he wasn't in control of the dream. The gazelle moved slightly forward to get more water, and then the perspective shifted. He was lunged at the gazelle at full force. He saw that he was some sort of large cat, as he had paws instead of hands, which had razor sharp claws that shot out of the paws in a second. The cat pinned the gazelle, who was fighting and squirming. Instantly, he bit full force down on the gazelle's neck, hearing a loud snap and seeing blood, which he lapped up with his tongue. He the proceeded to move lower to where the most meat was. He tore out a piece of the prey's fuzzy flesh, which he spat aside and went for the meat. Although the gazelle looks fatter, it was actually just larger. The meat itself was lean and warm, and was spewing blood as he ripped through the meat, eating it, and savoring it with every bite. Once he had eaten about half the gazelle, and stained his maw with gazelle blood, he walked over to the watering hole for some water. In the pool, he could see his face. He was a lion, with a large reddish brown mane, piercing yellow eyes, and a large cat face. He was covered in the blood, mainly on his mouth, but some up on his nose and cheeks. He stared at the reflection for a while, until the dream ended and he woke up.
Jake had no idea how long he had been out. Sunshine was just starting to peek over the horizon and Jenni was by his side, so it must have been morning. He had a pounding headache, which only furthered his conclusion that some one spiked something he drank. Probably Rick, he did that to "loosen people up". Something felt off that morning. He had just had a dream that normally would be a nightmare to him, but he actually didn't seem shaken by it. He felt like it was normal or instinctual. The pain in his side was still there, with the added bonus of feeling like there was something stuck in his side, like a pin. He decided not to wake Jennifer up, as she probably would call him crazy for waking her up to talk about a dream, but she woke up anyways.
"Morning, Jake." Jennifer said, turning towards her husband.
"Good morning, Jenni. I'm sorry if I woke you."
"Oh, no. This is normally when I wake up." She was right. It was 5 am, and she got up this early to make breakfast and get ready for work.
Jake nodded in recognition. "When did you get back last night?"
"Oh, sometime after 10. Fiona fell off of a table and got taken to the E.R. so I came home. Where's Rick, by the way?"
Jake thought back to yesterday. "He was taken to jail, something about impregnating and sexually assaulting several women."
Jenni snarled a bit. "Serves him right! He should have to pay for everything he did to those young ladies."
"Hey, on the bright side, he's gone." Jake said with enthusiasm.
"Oh, okay." She said in a slightly sexy demeanor. "Does that mean what I think it means?" She put a finger on her husband's chin, who nodded in response. "Great, so just tell me when you are ready." She hopped out of bed and headed to the kitchen. Jake, however, stayed in bed, as the pain in his side was still there, and was starting to get slightly better as he sat.
In the kitchen, Jennifer was making bacon and eggs for them. She made bacon for herself and some for Rick if he got out before breakfast. Jake lumbered down the stairs, following the scents from the kitchen. "Someone's finally up, huh?" Jenni said at the sight of her husband having come downstairs. "Yep." Replied Jake, smelling the breakfast. "Ooh, something smells good."
"Yeah, breakfast is almost ready. I made you sunny side up, just like you like them." She said, gesturing to the pan that had 2 eggs cooking in it. Jake wasn't referring to the eggs, he was referring to the bacon. Normally the smell of cooking meat smelled terrible to Jake, just burning fat wafting into his nose. Today, however, it smelled like what cooked meat should: delicious. He wanted to eat the bacon straight out of the tray, but he knew he would burn himself, so he waited. A few minutes later, everything was done. Jenni grabbed a scoop of scrambled eggs, two pieces of toast, three strips of bacon, and a cup of coffee. Jake followed, grabbing his 2 sunny side up eggs, two pieces of toast, and a cup off coffee, but caught his wife off guard by grabbing 5 strips of bacon.
Jenni stared at him like he was crazy. Jake started a conversation with: "Yes, Jenni?"
"SINCE WHEN DO YOU EAT MEAT?!" Jenni exclaimed, gesturing to the plate of bacon.
Jake just shrugged. He didn't know either. He just wanted bacon.
"Weren't you a vegetarian since you were 10?"
Jake paused for a second. "Well, I became a vegetarian back then because I didn't like the taste or texture of meat, but now... I think I can eat meat without throwing up." He bit off a piece of the bacon, savoring the crisp and flavor.
Jenni let the topic go. "Okay, then. I guess I can stop asking if you want Tofu every month." This was an inside joke. Jake hated the taste of Tofu with a vengeance, but every month Jenni would ask if he wanted some.
Once they were both almost done, Jenni started to get up and take her shower. "Hey, I'mma get in the tub." She said to Jake who nodded. "Wanna come with me? We can do the 'backstroke' today." She started to shake her husband's shoulders playfully. "Uh, no thanks. I'm not in the mood." Jake replied, mopping up the yolk with his toast.
"Oh, come on." She said, tugging at her husband's collar and jogging in place. "You never say no to tub time!"
He shakes off his persistent wife's grip."Honey, please. I don't want to." He carried his plate to the sink and started rinsing it off.
Jennifer was getting worried now. "First the bacon, now this?" She paused a moment, and then remembered one of her patients was experiencing similar symptoms (she was a doctor btw).
"Jake, can I ask you some questions?" Jake, who had finished the dishes, agreed and sat down.
"Okay, Jake. Have you had any weird pains anywhere? Like you pulled something, but it doesn't go away?"
Jake nodded, gesturing to his right side.
"Ok, and have you had any dreams, like ones shot from an animal's perspective?"
Jake nodded again, describing the dream he had last night in every gorey detail.
"Really? That is gruesome. And you actually enjoyed it?"
"Yeah, and I don't even know why. But why are you asking?" Jake replied, sipping his coffee.
"Well, I have a patient who has the exact same symptoms."
Jake choked on his coffee. "Really?"
"Yep. 20 year old named Brittany. Every symptom, word for word. Appetite for meat, loss of sexual drive, pain in a certain area, and animalistic dreams. She dreams about being a fox hunting a rabbit." She saw the concerned look on her husband's face. "I think some kind of bug is transmitting this through bites or stings. I don't think it could be transmitted in any other way to cause these symptoms." Jake got up and headed to the bathroom to get ready for work. "If you want, you can swing by the hospital and I can check it out further. Maybe you can meet Brittany and can discuss." Jake nodded and headed to the shower.
Work was the same as ever. He drove up to his office: a company office that produced avertisements for various patrons. They helped everyone from fast food to pornos. He was a complaints manager, and he handled everything from copyright infringements to angry moms who complained that they see their busty teen daughters plastered over the newest issue of Playboy. "It's their fault for choosing to exploit their bodies. Yell at them." Was the response to most of these complaints.
Jake signed in at the front desk Secretary Michelle Rae. She was actually an ex stripper who quit after a man she was giving a lap dance to kidnapped and raped her. She tried to turn over a new leaf, but it was too late. She had increased her breast size to G cups and had larger butt implants than Niki Minaj. She used weight loss supplements to get and maintain a flat stomach and thin waist. She took part in an experimental program that made her natural hair color go from a nice brown to a bright yellow blonde. She had tattoos in odd places. One on her chest that said "Milk Me" with one word on each boob and a cow bell tattooed around her neck, one tramp stamp that said "WIDE LOAD" that stretched as far as her butt did, and she was rumored to have one on the back of her neck that said "Your Mouth Here", but she always had her hair down, so they could never confirm this. Her years of strip club experience have pushed her into an infantile state of always believing she was made to bring males pleasure. She wore company crop top that exposed tons of cleavage and a skirt that only passed halfway down her butt. Several men at the office, Jake included, have taken advantage of her mental state to do whatever they wanted with her, sometimes a lap dance, sometimes recording her doing things like strip teases or just bouncing around her assets. Normally, the men would stare at her excellent cleavage, dreaming of doing what the tattoo told them to as she rallied off their tasks for the day. Normally Jake would stare too, and get hard from the idea of his wife with those size breasts and that size butt, but today he didn't. He stared her directly in the eyes like it was something he did normally "...And BellyBurgers thinks we ripped off their pig mascot for The Pink Pig Bar, so you have to deal with that." Said Michelle, finishing off his workload. "Okay. Have a nice day, Michelle." Said Jake, waving her off. "Actually, there is one more thing you have to do." Jake did a 180/groan at the prospect of more work. "Yeah, what is it?" The secretary rested her head on her massive rack and looked up at Jake with a puppy like expression. "Me, hopefully tonight at the Love Motel down the road." She asked this to him most days, and most days he agreed and would make love to her per her request. Nothing serious, he would just play with her boobs and spank her butt like she was in trouble for liking the pleasure, but today he decided not to. "No thanks, Michelle, maybe some other time." He replied, tuning to the elevator. Michelle called after him "Is it because they're not big enough?" raising her heavy large breasts up. "Cause I can make them bigger! I can make them SO MUCH BIGGER!" She chose the wrong time to say this, as the boss had just came in. Michelle looked up at the 6 foot man. "Oh! H-Hello Mr. Mon..." She began before being cut off.
"My office. NOW!" Mr. Monsen said. He headed to the elevator, with Ms. Rae and her swaying breasts and bouncing booty following right behind him.
After half a dozen angry mom calls and a half hour video chat discussing how The Pink Pig Bar mascot was a female pig while BellyBurgers was male, it was noon, time for lunch.
And time for "Make Dawn Show Us Her Booty."
Dawn was an intern at the company. She joined a few month ago, and every man had taken an instant liking to her for one reason: she had a massive ass. Seriously. It was larger than most average women, larger than most pornography stars, it was even bigger than Michelle's, which said something, as Michelle's butt literally engulfs any chair she sits in. And Dawn's was still bigger. Honestly, she was embarrassed. Not only did he have a giant booty, but it constantly grew. No matter how little she ate or how much she excersized, every morning it was 1 centimeter larger around (or 2/3 inches larger around). The men first thought she was joking, but sadly she was not. By the end of her first week, she already needed new pants. Oddly enough, it hadn't started to happen until she started working at the company.mTo make matters worse, Mr. Monsen had just changed the dress code and now every female employee was required to wear company issued skirts and crop tops throughout spring summer and fall. Only in winter did they get to wear pants. Every noon, she would walk through the area where the men had lunch to bring paperwork to the boss, and the men would get a clean shot of Dawn's plus size posterior jiggle ferociously as she tried to get through the room as fast as possible because she knew they watched her butt. One day, Employee 217 had a golden idea. He set up a fan that would blow the top few papers off of the stack. She would then have to turn around and bend down to retrieve them, which gave the men a nice shot of her butt in action. Today marked one month since the idea had been thought of, and to commemorate this, when she was bending down, 217 would walk up and give her ass a big slap and run away as soon as possible. The worst part is, he had gotten permission from the boss and would not get into any kind of trouble. Jake, when he had a sex drive, wholeheartedly accepted this plan, but now that he had lost it, he found the idea barbaric, since he had no horny hormones clouding his common sense. While they were all waiting to put the plan in action, several ready to record it, and 217 practicing his booty slap on a ham he had brought in for no reason, Jake excused himself to go to the bathroom, when really he was going to warn Dawn of the upcoming assault.
Dawn speed walked through the hallways. Her big butt was prominently featured to anyone who was behind her. She hated it with a vengeance. She constantly needed new skirts, it took forever to stop bouncing when she stopped walking, and literally every man constantly stared. Once she saved up enough, she was going to get it removed. She was considering taking it down by half and moving the rest to her breasts, which were incredibly small A cups.
"Dawn!" Jake said, marching up to the bottom heavy intern.
"What do you want, 352?" Dawn replied, obviously in a hurry.
"First off, my name is Jake, second, I came to tell you something."
"Okay, what?"
"So, you know how every day you have papers fly off of your stack and you have to bend down to reach them?"
"Yep, lost a LOT of company approved skirts that way." She replied, remembering one day where her but completely shredded the skirt, leaving her completely naked torso down.
"Okay, well, someone set that up on purpose, and now they plan on spanking your butt when you kneel down."
"What?! Th-they can't do that! They're gonna get fired!"
"No they aren't. Mr. Monsen approved the idea, and is planning to fire you if you complain."
"That is so unfair! Why are you even on my side? Shouldn't you be in there waiting for that slap?!"
"Well, one, I'm married and have a decent shred of respect, and two, and this may be hard to believe, but I lost my sex drive recently."
"Oh, okay." Dawn said suspiciously. "So, this doesn't entice you?" She turned around and started to shake her large booty back and forth, a skill her mother taught her when he was 16. As Jake looked at the woman's ass moving back and forth, he found no pleasure from this. Not even a tingle down there. All he saw was someone desperate to prove him wrong.
"No. All it's doing is making us very uncomfortable." Jake said after a few seconds of the move.
Dawn whipped around, giving one employee behind her a face full of her behind. She did not feel this, because it was that big. She stared at Jake in desperation. There was not a hint of ecstacy on his face, he seemed embarrassed to have just stared at a woman with an ass the size of a beanbag chair give him a dance most men would promise to chop their dicks off to see. Darting to his crotch, she saw no signs of erection, or anything at all. "Okay, you weren't lying." She finally said. "Still, what am I supposed to do? He's in there ready to something that would normally land him in jail."
Jake thought for a moment, then snapped his fingers in an idea.
"Okay, so he'll only slap you if you're bending down, right?"
Dawn nodded.
"And you only have to bend down if your papers blow away, right?"
Dawn nodded.
"So, if you hold your papers like this..." He grabbed the paperwork and held them with a hand on top and bottom. "Then they can't blow away, he can't slap you, and you don't lose your job."
Dawn gasped at the realization of this great plan. "Jake, you're a GENIUS!" She said, leaping in for a hug. Once Jake was able to fight the heavyweight intern off of him, she grabbed the paperwork and held it like Jake showed her. "Oh, I can never thank you enough." She hopped up and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Jake turned red with blush, which almost his the lipstick mark. He headed for the bathroom as he actually had to use it now when Dawn stopped him "Hey." She said, turning around. Jake turned to face her. "If you ever get your sex drive back, let me know, and I can 'properly' thank you." It took Jake a moment to realise what she meant. When he did, he nodded and said "okay." And they went their separate ways, Jake running down to the bathroom, and Dawn skipping in glee, giving the men even more to look at.
As Jake finished his business, a sudden realization came to him. What if his sex drive never came back? What if he was stuck this way forever? He would literally have to force himself to have sex with his wife so they could have a kid. What if it was worse, and he lost the ability to even reproduce entirely? He remembered an ad on TV for this very scenario, that they store sperm in case you lose your sex drive but don't have kids and want them. He openly laughed at the ad. Karma was a bitch.
This is not done yet, I just ran out of time. I will make a part two soon.