"Transform!" Jen blurted out.
"Ah, good. Was worried you'd wait 5 more seconds and receive both!" Kyle said.
"Yeah, well, get your stupid curse over with so I can get ready," Jen responded, annoyance growing.
"Ok, ok, well, Jen," Kyle stuttered, "for your transformation, your body will turn into a random object. It can be anything inanimate, from a pencil, to a bottle of water, to a car or even a pile of literal shit. You'll keep your head, your sense of identity, and your memories of this life, but for everyone else but you and me you'll always have had the... inanimate body you'll get. And since your head will be situated on top of the object, you might even get another head - say, on a machanical dinosaur your human head ends up on its back or something, you'd now have both your normal head and the robot dinosaur's"
"What the fuck, dude, you're wasting my time with this?" Jen snapped, trying to hang up, but she couldn't move her hand. "Why the hell can't I hang up?" she demanded.
"Ah, well, I'm not yet done," Kyle explained. "Now, to continue. You'll be able to feel and control your inanimate body as if it were your current, with a slight learning curve, of course, but only if parts of it move. If you get a pillow or something, you'll have to learn how to hop. If you're a piece of gum, or tape, or something, then get ready to be immobile. People will treat you as a mix between a human and the object, talking to you but expecting you to do whatever job the object does. And don't worry - the object will be at least as large as your human body, so you won't end up with, like, a stick of gum for a body - well, maybe, but it'll be as large as your current body, not as large as a normal piece of gum. You'll transform as soon as this call ends. Have a nice life!"
"Man, you're fucked. Good thing this is just some sick fantasy of yours," Jen said, hanging up. As soon as she hung up, a bright flash filled the room, and Jen woke up a few hours later. She looked down and screamed.
Jen's head was now attached to a human sized, or larger, ____!