“Hello everyone, and welcome to a brand new episode of Animalia Ambassadoria.” Said Abby, starting the latest episode of Animalia Ambassadoria.
“Roland’s not on the couch with us today because he’s still in the hospital, but he should be out in a few days.” Said Sophie, sitting next to a picture of Roland propped up where he usually sat.
“To counteract some of the bad publicity that Animalia got recently, we’re going to showcase some news in Animalia in general, with amusing commentary and editing from watchmojo.com.” Said Sarah.
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“From UNLV, we’ve gotten that Tiffany and Princess, the first Animalian high school graduates are trying to get a charter for a coed college fraternity/sorority they are calling Pi Etta Tau.” Said Malice, reading the post about it on the website.
“Apparently the motive for that would be that Animalia would have its very own Animal House.” Said Abby, reading the pun on the post. At that, there was a lot of groaning, and media contributed by watchmojo.com and the Smoking Gun cast’s color commentary on how bad it was, and ended with the infamous “thank-you-sir-may-I-please-have-another” scene from the movie that the pun was based on. But what followed was a post from a surprising person.
“Apparently the hypocrite-in-chief (as he is known to Animalia in general) has just posted that he, quote “has no problem granting such a charter to such a fraternity as long as the Animalia virus is not used in either initiation rites or hazing, or there is any hazing in general.” Said Sophie, reading the post.
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“In other news,” said Abby, after a question block, “Apparently with the Animalia adaptation of the Odd Couple getting into the tens of millions of views, especially after the addition of Brazen Hammer and Chipper to the crew, ABC is extending the offer of a contract for their show to be on their network.”
“But because The Odd Couple is already under copyright, they’re officially changing the name to Fun and Fins.” Said Sophie, reading the post, “Joe and Jane are already going over what is and is not acceptable to be shown on TV, and the contract that Susan, Tzan, Brazen, and Chipper might be signing to make sure there is nothing that will make said couples uncomfortable.”
“But Apparently with plans to build an Animalian colony in Africa, as well as the popularity of what will soon be Fun and Fins,” said Malice, reading posts from other television companies, “that other old television sitcoms are considering getting rebooted. One such show, using Africa as the example, would be based off of ‘The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air’ but be instead called ‘The Fresh Prince of Pride Rock’.” At that there were more digital groans at that, as well as promises to watch it.
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“Now we welcome Mister Miyamoto, the newest member of the Horizon Research team, and for now the holder of the title of World’s Smartest Mad Scientist.” Joked Malice, after another question block. The Japanese scientist smiled at the title Malice had given him, and glad that they didn’t use his real name.
“So what inspired you to join Horizon in the first place?” Asked Abby, reading a list of questions that had been put together earlier.
“It’s no secret that both China and Russia are demanding access to the virus for their militaries, and your way of saying no is both polite and tasteful.” Answered Mister Miyamoto, using translators to help make him more understandable.
“We keep telling them that if they want to use it for their militaries, they have to mainly use it to convert their own soldiers; any uplifted Animalians don’t have to join the military if they don’t want to; and that they would have to provide a colony where uplifted and/or converted can live without fear of species prejudice.” Answered Sophie, remembering one such video conference at the Animalia Council.
“Yes, it tends to take a lot of wind out of Russia’s sails,” Answered Mister Miyamoto, “While China is actually, and actively, working towards such a solution. Anyway, China and Japan are having a kind of friendly competition with each other on new breakthroughs with the Animalia Virus.”
“Why would you do that?” Asked Malice, not getting it.
“It’s actually along the line of ‘I’ll one-up you, so you can try to one-up me, because it’s fun that way.” Answered Mister Miyamoto, smiling at what he had said.
“That actually answers one question but not the other.” Said Sophie, both amused and annoyed at the sidetrack that had happened, and the responses that it had generated.
“Before we discovered that it was the snake-heart gene that seemingly made it possible, my theory was that the reason most fossilized DNA failed to bond with human DNA because they didn’t have enough stem cells to work with.” Said Mister Miyamoto, “I was originally going to experiment on an axotlotl, which is made almost entirely of stem cells, when I thought to myself, ‘instead of doing my project in secret and getting in big trouble with both Animalia and my own government, maybe it would be better to bring my experiment over to Horizon Labs and avoid a major catastrophe.’” At this, a clip began playing that the creators of South Park had apparently got ready for such an occasion.
It showed two scientists, one an old man and one a younger woman, in a South Park-style research lab, carrying out a conversation, but it was started at the part where the female scientist said “Martin, how do we know he wasn’t actively trying to avoid the ‘science experiment goes wrong’ cliche?” Then several South Park chorus guys began singing, “Mister Miyamoto’s smart smart smart. Smart smart smart smart smart.” There was a hilarious flood of responses to that clip, especially from South Park fans.
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“We’ll be doing a preview of the Amazon Animalia Colony during our Fall Break from school.” Said Malice after an effective commercial break, “But more a more recent thing will be an Animalian Bachelor/Bachelorette auction run by Abby’s uncle, J.T. Monroe, to help raise money for Hurricane victims in both Florida, Texas, and Puerto Rico.”
“One of the things that will be different is that it won’t be solely accessible to only rich people who have money to throw away.” Said Abby, “The only other thing is to help other people or Animalians who have had trouble with dating due to bad ideas and/or relative inexperience with such endeavors.”
“We have no official date for the event because the finer details, not to mention the Council’s opinion on such an event.” Said Sophie, “But once we have more details, you can find them here on the Animalia Website.”
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“And that’s all the time we have for today.” Said Sophie, near the end of the episode, “A big thank you to both watchmojo.com and The Smoking Gun for their moments of celebrity commentary and media silliness in this episode, and we’ll see you next time in the Wilds of Animalia.”