One thing mattered, as he quickly found out.
Despite the sensory overload from Charlie scratching behind his ears, Jared felt the pressing need for a bathroom break. He started to whimper, but about that same time Kevin asked Charlie if he wanted to take a break for videogames.
"That sounds great!" Charlie said.
Before Jared could do anything to prevent it, the boys raced from the room and parked themselves in front of the entertainment console in the den for a round of the New Super Mario Bros.
They left Jared to fend for himself. He didn't think too much of it, at first. He trotted down the hallway to the bathroom, but found the door closed. He whined and stared at the knob. There was no way he could open a door!
Despite some misgivings, he descended the flight of stairs to the lower floor of the house. Taking the steps must have put more pressure on his bladder because he felt like he might explode!
He headed into the living room but found the same problem with the front door. Dog paws were simply not capable of opening a door.
Growing desperate, he sidled up to his mom's potted palm. She had planted the exotic tree in a large ceramic planter that stood near the front door.
Deciding that any port in a storm would do, Jared did his best to lift a leg and let go. It was his misfortune that in the middle of watering the palm that the front door opened and Mom walked into the house.
"Shaggy!" His mother shrieked in dismayed disapproval. "Bad dog."
The thing was, he couldn't just stop. He kept pissing into the planter, which allowed Mom to work up even more steam. She returned a moment later with the broom from the utility closet.
Whack! She landed the bristles of the broom on Shaggy's backside.
"Ow! Mom!" Jared barked. "Cut it out!"
"I've had a very bad day," she said, whacking him again. "I don't need to come home and find the dog peeing in the plants!"
With the second whack, Jared tried to put space between himself and his angered mother who screamed for her sons. She screamed a second time and a tentative and timid Kevin showed his face, as his buddy, Charlie, stayed back.
"Is your brother home?" Mom demanded.
"No, I haven't seen Jared," Kevin answered.
"I'm Jared!" Jared barked, infuriated again at how easily the impostor had infiltrated his family.
"Get that dog out of the house," she said. "How many times have I told you that Shaggy is an outdoor dog."
"Sorry, mom," Kevin said.
"One more transgression, young man, and I am sending Shaggy to the country to live on your Uncle Frank's farm," she said. "Am I understood?"
Kevin, grabbing Jared by the collar, promised to keep Shaggy outdoors in the future. He tugged on the collar. "C'mon, boy, let's get you outside where you belong."