“B-U-T-T”
The ape burst out a deep simian laugh. Even Norman couldn’t resist chuckling a bit at the absurdity before coughing up more blood.
Yes, cop’s buff body had been reduced to its own pair of buttocks. That was the new Alfred, two orbs of pink flesh whose anal cavity was gazing at Norman and the ape in utmost confusion.
Alfred tried to restore his sense of authority. “Wherever you terrorists are, you better restrain this ape right now or as a member of the police department I’ll have no choice but to shoot it down!” He was just bluffing of course, he didn’t have any weapons on him. But it didn’t seem to work.
The ape laughed even harder, then smiled at the buttocks as if saying “You’re not shooting anything at me unless you’re talking about crapping yourself!” Max gave two giant steps forward and the ass a few pathetic waddles backwards in response.
Norman yelled out at Alfred. “There aren’t any terrorists here! Just this giant monkey that in fact is Max!”
The hairs on top of Alfred’s asshole arched in confusion. “Max? You mean the fat slob that lives at your house? Sure, he was ugly as one but he wasn’t a literal ape!”
Those remarks only made the ape more pissed off. He jumped out at the talking ass who acted like a cop and grabbed it in just one of his huge gorilla hands.
“Ugh! Well, now that I see it up close it sure does look like Max...”
The ape grunted loudly. Its most primal and animalistic side was coming out, and that particular side wanted to rip those two cheeks apart from each other.
Norman looked with utmost horror as his asshole friend was in the process of being squeezed out like peas by the fingers of his slobby roommate. “No, Max, stop! Leave Alfred alone! He may look like a butt right now but he’s a good guy!”
“I look like a wha-...?” Alfred barely had time to process that information before Max stomped him against the floor and promptly began punching his cheeks like they were a pair of bongos. “Aw! Ow! Aw! Ow! Aw! Ow...!”
The hole that acted as both Alfred’s single eye and mouth yelled at the ape. “Stop it right now if you don’t want me to use my secret Taekwondo skills on you!” Then the buttcheeks began to fruitlessly give small kicks into the air. “Wha-?... What happened to my legs?! My arms?!” The ass twisted around, trying to feel itself. “Why are the cheeks on my face so...wobbly...?”
As if trying to help him realize what he was, the ape took out his middle finger, licked it a bit, and then inserted it without hesitation into Alfred’s asshole.
“UGHHHMMMMM!!!”
That sensation... No doubt about it. He was being raped anally... by the face!
Norman’s remark suddenly made a lot of sense.
“(Is this the reason my breath tastes like shit...?)” He wondered.
Max was fingering Alfred looking for something in particular, and finally he found it.
“(...No! That’s my...!)”
The ape rapidly smashed the butt’s prostate like it was nothing.
“No! Alfred!” Cried Norman with this painful sight burning into his eyes.
Max left the pitiful buttocks fall into the floor. Alfred’s cheeks were tainted red and full of saliva and sweat. And his hole...
“(My hole feels like it’s burning! Oh shit...This is the lowest I can fall into...! It’s... over. Sorry, Norman. I was a failure as a policeman...)”
The police hat on top of Alfred ominously fell off from him.
“ALFREEEED!” Norman couldn’t believe it. His best friend had received the ultimate pummeling and humiliation ever possible in life... And it was all his fault!
Max pounded his own chest and spat at the lifeless buttocks. Then it turned towards Norman, who gulped...
...
...
...
“Alfred...”
“Alfred, wake up, my great-grandson...”
“Ugh...What...” The butt woke up to find itself shrouded in darkness... Except for a bright light on the horizon. “Could it be... Master Choi himself...? Oh, great-grandfather... How I have failed you...”
That was it. He was dead. He’d join his great-grandfather in heaven for the rest of eternity, forever shaped in the form of a pair of buttocks so the rest of his ancestry could laugh at his ridiculous cause of death until the end of time itself...
“...Why that gloomy face?”
“Isn’t it obvious? I’m dead and... I’m not even sure I even have a face anymore...” Alfred replied in defeat.
The light on the horizon began to laugh and fly around the black sky. “Nah, you’re not dead. You’re just having an hallucination from the anal pummeling you just took!”
“Oh...” Alfred replied. If he was honest, he’d rather be dead than living with such a humiliation tormenting him for the rest of his life...
“You see, there’s nothing wrong about stimulating your prostate, but if done improperly you can see stars! Like me!” The light bounced happily. “There’s no need to be embarrassed. You see, I had the same thing happen to me after playing too much with a huge dildo. It was beautifully-crafted... It looked like a glorious asian dragon!”
“I... don’t think I wanted to know that, gramps...”
“Oh! Sorry about that. It’s not like I can present myself in hallucinations every day! It’s boring up in heaven! Why don’t you hallucinate more often?”
The butt sighed. “And here I thought you were going to give me a useful epiphany or something...”
“Oh! Epiphanies? Those are easy to make. You’re having trouble with Max, right?” The light asked.
“Yeah. But for some reason I can’t understand he’s an ape and I’m a butt. I can’t win like this! It’s an extremely unfair fight!”
“Unfair fight? Deep down, Max is still a fat slob, and a proudly heterosexual one at that...” The light flew closer to Alfred. “He has no chance against us!”
“...Because of the blood we have on our veins?”
“Of course not... It’s because we’re a bunch of narcissistic metrosexuals!”
It was true. Alfred’s strength never depended on some stupid family legacy. The reason he was always so fucking full of himself was how damn sexy he was!
“That’s right!” Alfred yelled. “That’s the secret! It doesn’t matter how I look, as long as I believe in my sexyness nothing can wrong!”
The light danced. “Aww, yeah! Now we’re talking! Not bad for a pair of muscular glutes like you!”
Alfred’s buttcheeks blushed in self-admiration. “Well, you’re aren’t that bad for a speck of light in the air either!”
“Awww!” The light turned pink. “Damn, now I’m starting to get a boner!”
“You’re welcome, stud!” The butt said, the will of fighting on finally returning to his voice.
“Oh... The hallucination is going to end now.” The light started to vanish. “But don’t worry! I’ll be waiting in the depths of your rectum until your next call! Go get them, you tiger’s asshole!”
...
...
...
Norman’s furious pummeling came to an abrupt end when the ape heard a strong-willed voice.
“Hey, you filthy monkey!”
Max turned around to see Alfred standing up, once again wearing his police hat on top of him.
“Why don’t you pick on someone the size of your own gorilla butt?!”
Max smiled. He didn’t know why the butt suddenly seemed so courageous, but he sure was ready for a second round.
The gorilla jumped straight at the butt, but just as he was about to grasp it, Alfred quickly waddled between the ape’s legs.
“Butt’s Fury Groin-Buster Kick!!!”
It was very painful to see, and much more to actually feel it. The strong glutes had rendered Max’s babymakers completely useless. Max fell to the floor, crying in agony.
“I can’t believe it! Alfred still rocks!” The bloody Norman cried in joy.
“That’s what happens when you piss off a butt, bastard!”
The gorilla tried to crawl away from the ass warrior, but Alfred still had his cheeks firmly closing on his balls.
“Hey! Where do you think you’re going?! Once you leave this apartment you’ll never have the occasion to see a butt as beautiful as me again! It would be a pity if you left me blue-balled!”
Max’s eyes opened in shock when he felt lips on the tip of his penis. But they weren’t lips, it was Alfred’s asshole mouth!
“Mmmm, yeah, your little monkey dick is getting hard... And you call yourself straight?”
Max’s face turned red. It was enough. He didn’t want to be in this fucking apartment full of lunatics anymore. He broke free from Alfred and ran off the front door leaving a faint trail of destruction behind him.
“(Who knows...)” Thought Max with hope. “( ...Now that I look like a gorilla maybe I can get a free cage and food at the city zoo...I’d rather be an ape than a fag!)”
Norman and Alfred jumped in celebration. “We did it! We did it!”
“Finally! Max’s won’t cause any more trouble!”
The butt’s hairy asshole gaped in joy. “And best of all, we learned a valuable lesson... That I’m DAMN sexy in whatever form I take!”
“Yeah!” Norman replied. “And I learned that, once in a while, it’s ok to say “no” to every request!”
The butt noticed he was still dirty and sweaty from the fight. “Norman, quit blabbering already and bring the sponge. You have to wash me.”
“Yes, sir.” Norman obeyed as submissive as ever.
***
While Norman gave Alfred his well-earned sponge bath, the local TV gave a special news broadcast. Apparently they had found an extremely fat ape with strange tattoos on its arms sleeping on a bench in the park. The gorilla was tame and compliant, even though it seemed reluctant to stop covering its junk in public.
“Yeah, we had no idea where it came from, but we’re in the process of transporting it to the zoo. It’ll be treated with very good care...” The animal control person being interviewed suddenly took a grim face. “...But I’ve never seen an ape this fat despite its height... Not to mention its small genitalia... What’s more, it acts like a spoiled human child rather than a grown-up gorilla. I have the impression the other male gorillas are going to give him a very hard time...”
“Good to know everything is turning out great for everyone!” The butt said. Norman was drying off the asshole with a towel. “Yeah, don’t forget to wipe my crack, my asshole itches... By the way, you said my transformation was caused by an alien device, right?”
“It’s true, but... I’ve tried using it again and it doesn’t work at all... It’s like it’s ran out of juice or something...”
“Maybe my smartphone had something to do with it? I remember dropping it somewhere. In any case I don’t mind living like this. I can be the first butt officer in history! There’s absolutely no downsides to being a butt...!” Then Alfred gulped. “Ugh...!”
“What is it?” Norman asked Alfred, but he seemed reluctant to stop clenching his hole.
“I think... I think I need to... Take a shit....”
“Fuck!” Norman exclaimed in surprise. He grabbed Alfred in a hurry so he wouldn’t crap all over the floor.
“I can’t hold it in any longer...!” Alfred cried out as he tasted something smelly coming out from his throat.
Alpha’s vision suddenly returned. His voice filled the room with glee. “Phew! Finally you opened my lid! I thought you had forgotten about me! You see, I’ve been tasting piss for like... Wait... Is that a... Wait! No! No, no, no, no! For the glory of the Gigastar, NOOOOOOOOOO!”