After a few beers and small talk about nothing, I was certain that my mind had returned to normal. Butch must be far enough away that the boots' perception filter didn't reach us. Or maybe it needed open space for it to work. Either way, I finally mustered up the courage to talk to Chad about his son's predicament. I cleared my throat and casually said "It looks like Butch has grown a lot since the last time I saw him..."
He nodded his head, and proudly said "He's growin' up t' be a fine looking young man. Finally takin' after his ol' pa!" He slapped his belly in emphasis, the hefty mound shaking like jelly.
I gulped and shook my head. "You don't understand. I know this sounds crazy but he's literally grown 5 years older and a good foot of height in the past hour, at least! Ever since he put those boots on... I think they're responsible for what's happening."
"Well jeez I sure hope they are, the price I paid for 'em. I was sceptical at first but they're doin' a damned good job on 'im so far."
My jaw dropped in shock. "You... Y-you know what the boots do? You're changing him deliberately!? I can't... Where did... What!?"
He chuckled slightly. "I guess it's a lot t' process, I don't fully understand it m'self. But a couple weeks back, I was at that sports bar near the interstate when Mack came in. You know Mack, right? With the cattle ranch? We had a bit of a chat about the place. Y'see, a buncha workers got deported recently and he was strugglin' to keep things runnin'. His boy was useless, did jack shit round the place. Too busy playin' them video games and makin' nerdy costumes. Well they went to this Funko's to get 'im some shoes fer some nutty convention nex' month. But while he were browsin', the clerk clocked in on 'is predicament and offered a solution. He asked some questions and came back with a box o' huge cowboy boots, said they were for his son. Mack thought it was a mistake but 'is son put them on anyway. They left, and a few days later, his son was a completely changed man and now they both work together on the ranch wi' no complaints. He showed me a pic o' the guy and you'd never guess he were the same kid"
"Wait, what does he look like"
"Big n' brawny with a shit lotta hair on 'im. A real man's man! I wouldn' go barkin' up his tree though, I doubt he swings your way"
"Fuck off... I'm not interested in that, I just think I saw him a few days ago delivering stuff to Greeny Leaves. He didn't seem too happy. In fact, he swore at me and almost ran over my foot..."
"Ahhhh, He didn't mean t'be rude. There's jus' some crazy guy goin' round tryin' to get info on the store. I heard he's been stalkin' the joint for the last month". He paused for a moment. "Aw fuck, you're the crazy reportin' guy ain't ya?". He punched me in the shoulder hard, making me yelp. "What the hell do ya think yer doin' snoopin' round like that? Didn't you learn nothin' from that spectral business?"
"Hey!" I yelled, rubbing my sore shoulder. "I had no idea they'd converted that church into apartments. It's an innocent mistake to make! They dropped the charges anyway, eventually... Besides, I have no malicious intent. I have a genuine curiosity and concern. People are changing, gaining whole new identities, and nobody seems any the wiser. Your son is upstairs right now, turning into a fucking man and you act like it's just puberty. What the fuck made you do this to your only child!?"
"None o' yer damn business!" Chad snarled, turning away from me. But after a period of silence, he knew I wouldn't give in. He sighed softly. "I'm in real trouble bro" There was pain in his voice. "Since the divorce, everythin's just gone tits up fer me. The shop's been doin' poorly, the house needs all sorts of renovatin', and that court battle was a major drain on my pocket. I'm *this* close to losin' the house. It don't help much that Butch don't have a job. As much as I love the kid, he's a burden if he ain't contributin'. So when Mack told me 'bout the store. Hell, I was ready to try anythin'"
I sighed and rubbed Chad's shoulder in sympathy. "Bro, I didn't know... If you're this struck for cash, why didn't you ask someone for help? Hell, you could have even come to me. Anything's better than getting Butch involved with this crazy biz."
He scoffed and gave me an incredulous look. "You? Wi' your one room apartment and discount hunting ass? Hah! I'm not that desperate. 'sides, I got connections with th' guys buildin' that mega-mall downtown. They're practically beggin' for labour righ' now and Butch is a shoe-in once he's finished growin'."
Ignoring his misguided jabs at my own money troubles, I realised the 'why' wasn't going to get me anything but grief and poor hindsight. But Chad must know things about Funko's that I didn't. Especially the one thing that had been on my mind since the beginning. "How did you even order those boots online? I spend hours on their website trying to figure it out."
He shook his head sharply. "Nuh-uh. I ain't no snitch bro. We're all just good people tryin' to help each other out and better our lives n' ourselves. We can't let just anyone know the truth"
"Wait, we? You mean you know other people who have used Funko's?"
"Duh, Mack introduced me to a couple'a guys when I wanted t' know more 'bout the place. We're a community o' people who trust in Funko's and the good they bring. But it ain't my place t' be inductin' peeps t' the group. Can't let just anybody know, y'know? Fuck, I'm probably in deep shit just lettin' y'know that much. They don't take kindly to reporters bro"
A lot of people didn't. But that's never stopped me doing my duty as an investigative journalist before. I was going to get to the bottom of this soon, I knew it. "OK, I understand. One last question. What made you get those god-awful boots? They're literally falling to pieces. They look older than the both of us, and that can't be good".
He shrugged. "Fuck if I know, I just get what I'm given. I tell 'em my troubles, they give a solution. They look tatty but they've done a good job so far. Butch gets to be a strong, hardworkin' man and I get another source'a income to pay th' bills with. It's win-win!
"Did you even talk to Butch about this beforehand?"
Chad hesitated, but before he could answer, there was a tremendous bang that came from upstairs. It sounded like someone falling over. "Butch, y'ok up there?" Chad called out.
After a small period of silence, Butch called back in his uncharacteristically deep voice "Hey dad, I think I got a bit of a problem!"
I narrowed my eyes and shot a glare over at Chad. He pulled a disgruntled face before yelling "Come down 'ere and we can talk about it!"
There was a moment's hestitation before we heard pairs of thumps as Butch stomped down the staircase. The door to the kitchen swung open and there was Butch on the other side, stark naked aside from the tacky boots that adorned his feet. Thankfully, he had a small towel that barely wrapped around his waist to protect his modesty. While he was upstairs, Butch had done a lot more growing up. He looked to be in his mid-twenties, taller than I was with a brawny build to match. Swirls of dark hair circled around his pecs, working its way up to his collarbone. More hair sparsely dusted his imperfectly defined abs, too soft to be considered a six-pack. Stubble stretched across his cheeks, growing dense enough around the chin and upper lip to pass for a purposeful beard. If I didn't know about the boots and someone told me this man was my nephew? Well I was left speechless to say the least.
Sensing the stunned silence in the air, Butch ducked under the door-frame and raised an eyebrow. "So I need some new clothes..." he said in a low rumble, a slight boastfulness in his tone.