(all characters in this story are 18 years or older.)
"Kyle Perkins, you disgust me." Jen's voice was light and final. Jen took the phone from her ear, moved it in a slamming motion towards the receiver, and set it down to the left of the receiver. She glanced at her alarm clock, which read 7:13 AM. She stared at her phone for a couple moments, then picked it back up and put it back to her ear.
On the other end of the phone, Kyle giggled.
"You're an embarrassment to humanity. I'm done with you." Jen made another slamming motion, but stopped herself halfway through, and put the phone back up to her ear. "Let's list your faults, shall we?" Jen put the phone against her shoulder and started counting off with her left hand, tapping her fingers with her right after every count. "You look like a nerd. Your face is disgusting. Your clothes are baggy and terrible. You have no friends. You--"
"I have friends in the chess club," Kyle said in his whining, nasal voice.
"You have no friends. You're stupid enough to think anyone cares about you. You wouldn't know fashion if it punched you in the face. You're too lazy to ever work out. You're a fat blob. You suck up to teachers like it's going out of style. You eat alone at lunch. You whine in class when you get bad grades. You disgust me. I hope you die." Jen set the phone down next to the receiver and stood up.
Jen was in her room, standing in front of a chair next to her room's built-in desk, which was in a small recess in the wall. She was looking around, a dazed look on her face, her eyes jumping around her room as though searching for something. They alighted on her bed, where she had laid out different clothing options. They alighted on the bunny shaped alarm clock on her nightstand, which read 7:14 AM. They alighted on her phone, which was off the hook. She picked it back up, then held it to her ear for a moment and listened. There was no sound, not even a dialtone. "Um, hello?"
"Hi, Jennifer!" Said a very nasal voice, in an uncomfortably enthusiastic tone.
"Oh my god who is this."
Instead of an answer, she got a burst of sudden wheezing laughter. She waited a few seconds, but it didn't subside.
"Hello? Who is this?"
And now there was beeping coming from the other side. The laughing faded, and then she heard a click and the beeping stopped. "Alright," said the nasal voice.
Jen glanced back and forth and furrowed her brow in suspicion. "Excuse me? Who. is. this?"
"You're talking to your wonderful game show host, Kyle Perkins!" said Kyle Perkins' nerdy voice. "And I'm going to read you my list of parts of your transformation and dare now!"
Jen hung up the phone next to the receiver, which didn't actually push the hang up button because she had tried to hang it up by setting it next to the receiver. She put it back up to her ear. "Look. I need to get ready."
Kyle said,