I woke at 7 am, needing to visit the toilet. It was occupied as was the shower. I waited outside the toilet, eventually James emerged. I rushed in. I almost gassed myself. He had obviously been doing number 2’s. I did my business as quick as I could and emerged. James was standing in the hall with a big grin on his face “If you had waited I could have warned you”
I didn’t know how to respond, I was in my red satin pyjamas wearing a turban. I just said “Can you knock on my door when the shower is free” and returned to my room. I thought to myself ‘buy a can of toilet deodorant next opportunity’.
I put on a dressing gown and made my bed then laid out the clothes I would wear to the funeral. A black bra and panty set, new black panty hose and my black dress. I found the black shoes with 2 inch heels and determined they could do with a polish. That was something I had not seen around the house. I guessed shoe polish might be kept in the laundry.
I took of the turban and shook my hair out. It fell out nicely I didn’t see any tangles. I would go and have breakfast. Mum and Dad were already there eating. I made myself a bowl of muesli and joined them. “Good morning Mum, Dad”
“Good morning Jenna” they replied in turn.
“Mum, I love that turban. Can I buy it off you?”
“Don’t be silly Jenna, keep it”
“Do you know if we have any black shoe polish?”
Dad replied “I was polishing my shoes just before. I’ll get it for you” he had finished his cereal and got up and walked into his bedroom.
Mum asked “Would you like a coffee I was about to make one for your father”
“Thanks Mum” Dad returned and put some shoe polish and a rag on the kitchen bench. “Thanks Dad”
“Now Jenna, we are going across to Sarah’s at 9. Do you want to come with us or go straight to the church with Monique and James?”
“Well unless you need me I’ll go with Monique. What time should we arrive?”
“I think about 10.15. We have you down to hand out the programs as the guests arrive”
“Are you expecting many?”
“I don’t really know. There won’t be many family. Rod was an only child. We have printed out 100 programs. The funeral directors will have them”
Monique came and sat down beside me. She was in a dark grey dress. I said to her “Good morning Sister. If you don’t mind I’ll get a lift with you to the church”
“Not a problem”
“Is James in the shower?”
“Yeah”
I drank my coffee then polished my shoes and left the polish and rag where Dad had put it. By then the shower was finally free. I cleaned my teeth and took my pill, then donned a shower cap and gave myself a good scrub. Once dry I put on the gown again and took the make-up I needed back to my room. That way the bathroom was free for Monique and James to use. Mum knocked on the door. I opened it. She was wearing a black dress and jacket combination. She said “We are heading off as soon as I have done my make-up. Look after this” she handed me the bag containing the Peacock brooch “It is very valuable”
I sat in front of my dressing table and made up my face. I was certainly getting better at this. I didn’t want to overdo it so went easy on the eye make-up. I used the lipstick Mum had bought me when I started work.
Once finished I dressed. I looked at myself in the mirror. I used the comb Sarah had given and gave my hair a quick comb. I pinned the Brooch above my left breast. It was certainly eye-catching. I looked through the jewellery draw and found two alternative earrings that I thought might go with the dress. I put one of each in my ears. I still couldn’t decide which I preferred. I left the room and found Monique putting on her own makeup in the bathroom. I asked “Which earrings?”
She studied me and the earrings “The drops” Pointing to my left ear. “Is that Grandma’s Brooch?”
“Yeah. Mum said I could wear it today”
“I’m envious” said Monique. She had a grin on her face. “You look great”
“You look good yourself” She was wearing a black jacket over her grey dress.
……
We were in St Michaels church car park at 10.15. I got out of the back seat and Monique fixed my hat. I helped her straighten her own headwear, a sort of cap with a bit of black netting attached. The sort of hat I usually associated with horse racing.
We walked to the church. James was wearing a black suit. I had to concede he was attractive.
A hearse was parked out the front of the church. I knew the plan was to have a funeral mass then a private cremation. In the foyer of the church Mum and Dad were talking to some people I didn't know. Maybe they were from the funeral parlour. I could see Amanda talking to a priest. I looked into the church. A coffin was placed in front of the alter. Hilda was there with her hands on the coffin. Sarah and Zach were nearby talking to another attendant.
Mum saw us and beckoned us over. She introduced us "Mr Stewart these are my daughters Monique and Jenna with Monique's husband James. Jenna has offered to hand out the funeral programs"
Mr Stewart took me to a table near the entry door on which was a box with funeral programs. "Thank-you Jenna for volunteering. Just greet the guests as they arrive and offer them a program" He wandered in to talk to the attendant near the coffin.
I stood there on my post hoping to look elegant and waiting for any guests to come. The priest saw me alone and walked over. "Hello Jenna, I haven't seen you around here for a long time"
"Hello Father" I didn't know his name.
"Your mother has told me you have been a perfect daughter since the tragedy. Sometimes God acts in mysterious ways. God bless you and may you see the light"
I didn't know what to make of him, I guessed Eileen must have confided in him "Thank-you Father"
Another person was arriving. I recognized Emily, Eileen's sister, now my aunt. "Hello Emily"
"Hi Jenna" She came and gave me a cheek kiss "Your looking very nice as usual. I notice you have Mum's peacock brooch. That was her favourite. Isn't it magnificent"
"It certainly is very eye catching. Would you like a program?"
"Thank-you Jenna" She took my proffered program and turned to the priest "Hello Father"
"Hello Emily" They wandered off towards Eileen.
I stood there alone for a minute when Sarah approached me from inside. "How are you going?"
"Hi Sarah. So far I have only handed out 1 program to Emily"
"I'm sure it will get busy soon. I actually meant how are you going emotionally?"
"Ok I guess. I've had a couple of weeks to get used to my situation"
"Zach is struggling. He is finding it very hard not to tell Hilda who he really is"
"Yeah, I can emphasize with him. But in a way it could work in his favor. He is now the closest thing to a family that Hilda has. He has a reason to be with her frequently"
"I see what you mean. Have you looked at Rod?"
"I'm not sure I want to. I said farewell at the hospital"
"I don't know who I'm saying goodbye to. I find it hard to think of it being Jenna in there when I see you very much alive. I also can't see the body as Rod or Zach or whoever you are. That's you"
"I'm confused as well. I don't know who I am"
"Here are some more guests arriving" A middle aged couple arrived. I welcomed them, introduced myself and Sarah and gave them a program. It turned out she was Rod's father’s sister Barbara with her husband. They had come from Melbourne. Sarah took them in to see Hilda.
More guests arrived and I started getting busy. Firstly it was mostly Rods relatives. An uncle Richard with his daughter Melanie, Rod's cousin. Melanie was about my age. Richard looked very much like Rod. Richard brother Cameron and his wife were not far behind. They had two teenage sons with them. All the Burton clan gathered in a corner.
Karen and Daniel from Sarah's work arrived. I greeted them and explained I was Sarah's sister. They thanked me and moved inside. They were holding hands. I guessed the romance had blossomed.
Millicent arrived. She was in a dark brown skirt suit. I asked how her morning had been. She replied that she had been run off her feet. I pointed out where Mum was.
A dozen people who I recognized as council staff turned up together. I handed them programs, they moved into the church talking amongst themselves. Billy and Conrad from my old basketball team arrived. They didn't know who I was. At least that meant they were not more of Jenna's conquests.
Max Thomas. Rod's family lawyer turned up. His wife was with him. I introduced myself to him. He moved inside.
Mitch from Sarah's work was there. I handed him a program hoping he would move off quickly. But no, he decided to stay with me and try and chat me up. He offered to help hand out the programs and had grabbed a bundle before I could say no. He kept stepping into my personal space and accidently bumping me. He wouldn't give up. Fortunately Sarah must have noticed what was happening and came and rescued me. Taking Mitch off to meet Millicent of all people. I found out later that Millicent had been asking Sarah about a new Mazda. She was thinking of buying one.
The moment I had dreaded arrived. There was my basketball mate Jack, he was grinning at me. I handed him a program and told him his mates Billy and Conrad were here somewhere. He asked how I was going and what was I up to nowadays. I told him of my new job. Yes I was single. No I did not want to have dinner with him. At least he was easier to get rid of than Mitch.
Annabelle from Pilates came. We chatted for a minute then she moved off into the church.
Margot and Alan approached. Margot was looking very elegant in a black skirt and jacket. Alan I thought was stunningly handsome, he was in an expensive looking suit. I introduced myself as Jenna, Sarah's sister and handed them a program each. Margot said thank-you. Alan said "That's a lovely brooch you have on Jenna. Are those real diamonds?"
"Yes" I said "Diamonds and amethysts. It is a family heirloom"
"Lovely to meet you Jenna, thank-you for the program.........." He stopped, he stared at me. His face flushed red. I could see what was happening. It was Mr Illusio's gift to us. He was trying to overcome an urge to kiss me. I could have fun with this I was thinking. No I could see his embarrassment. He was a nice guy, I must let him go.
I told Margot "You should go in and take a seat. The service will be starting soon" Alan let himself be dragged away from me into the church. He continued to look at me.
Some more old school friends came including Claudia and Samantha. I was not surprised she had come. Back in year 12 we had been a foursome. Samantha had been Rod's girlfriend of the time. They were with Greg, Tom and Bess, 3 other school friends of Rod and myself when I was Zach.
I recognized Hilda's neighbours who had taken her to the hospital on that 1st night. There were also several other friends of Hilda's with their spouses and friends of Rod's who I didn't know. Some were from his previous job as an IT man for an accounting firm.
I noticed Steve from the basketball team arriving, however he had his current girlfriend Georgie with him. He pretended he only knew me vaguely from school and introduced me to Georgie. I played along. He hurriedly took a program and entered the church.
Mr Andrews approached me and said I should take a seat as the service was about to start. I moved into the church. Sarah waved to me from the front seat. She wanted me to sit with her. I didn't know whether I should take my hat off or leave it on. I took my queue from Sarah who was still wearing her hat. I sat beside her, with Mum and Dad on her other side. Hilda, Zach, Amanda and Hilda's in-laws were on the other front pew.
Shortly afterwards an organist started to play. The mass proceeded much as I remembered from my youth. Sarah bravely got up and did the 1st reading and Rod's uncle Richard the 2nd. Barbara and Cameron also said some prayers. Zach got up and did a brief but moving eulogy. I found myself crying. So was Sarah and Mum. The mass continued. At communion I got up and followed Mum, Dad and Sarah to receive the eucharist. Once I had stood up I felt a bit of a hypocrite but it would have been more embarrassing had I sat back down.
When the service finished Zach and Rod's three uncles were the pall bearers. Hilda and Sarah went next. I followed Mum and Dad. We stopped outside the church and watched as the coffin was loaded into the hearse then driven away. He would be privately cremated at 4pm back at the funeral home. Meanwhile we were inviting all the guests for a light lunch at the church hall. The parish ladies group was providing sandwiches and refreshments.
Zach came across and said hello. I told him he had done well with the eulogy. He got emotional, saying it was his life story. I ended up giving him a hug. It was a bit awkward as I felt my breasts pressing in to him. I had to admit I was attracted to my former body. I knew that penis intimately and imagined what it would feel like inside me. I broke off and made excuses that I needed to talk to Sarah.
Sarah was talking with Karen. I made my way across to her. They were talking about Netball, Karen asked Sarah "I know this isn't the best time to ask but could you possibly fill in for the netball team? Jenny tore a hamstring last week and she will be missing for at least the next few weeks, possibly longer"
"Actually" said Sarah "Have you met my sister Jenna" She gestured towards me.
"Yes we met before the funeral"
"Jenna would be a much better fill in then me. She was a very good netballer at school" She turned to me "Wouldn't you like to start playing again. Karen has a team that plays on Wednesday nights"
I certainly enjoyed playing sport. Basketball might have been my preferred sport but no-one was asking me to join a team. "Sure, but it has been a long time since I have played"
"I can take you along this week. Have a game and see how you go" Sarah turned to Karen "She may not have played for a while but she was a champion player. She used to collect all the trophies each season"
"Well you have convinced me. I'll see you Wednesday night 7pm Jenna"
I saw Amanda standing on her own while Zach was talking to the some of the Burtons. I moved across to her "Hi Amanda"
"Hi Jenna"
"How are you doing?"
"Oh I'm alright. Just being a bit ignored by Zach. He seems to want to talk to every one of Rod's relatives"
"Well he has no family of his own. The Burtons are the closest thing to a family that he has"
"I know. But it's no fun being ignored.......That's a magnificent brooch you have on. Are they real diamonds?"
"Yep, diamonds and amethysts. It was my grandmothers"
"It would look magnificent on that dress you tried on the other day"
"Yes, wouldn't it. You have some really nice clothes at your boutique. Do you ever have sales?"
"I wouldn't say the prices are really cheap but we do give discounts on stock that has been there too long. I could let you know when anything nice is available" We exchanged telephone numbers. I didn't let her know I already knew her number by heart. We continued chatting about all sorts of things. I eventually got around to asking if she ever 'faked it'. Her reply was that she had never had the need to. That made me feel smug.
Our conversation was eventually interrupted by Mitch. He was back to pester me into a date. I had to be very blunt with him and tell him I was not interested. He didn't seem the least bit upset by my rejection and soon after I noticed him talking to Rod's cousin Melanie. I wondered if I should try and rescue her. But I ended up rejecting that idea. I really didn't want to have anything to do with Mitch. Melanie was a grown woman I'm sure she could look after herself.
I went and fetched myself a sandwich and a drink. Margot was at the drink station "Hello Jenna?"
"Hello. Yes I'm Jenna. You're Margot if I recall correctly"
"Yes that's right. I work with Sarah"
"She has mentioned you. She says you are a good boss"
"That's nice to know. Better than being an ogre. I was talking to Millicent Fletcher earlier. She looks after my teeth. She tells me you have started work with her"
"Yes. I have only been there a bit over a week. I work on reception"
"You had quite an effect on Alan earlier. I have never seen him lost for words around a girl before. You certainly caught his eye"
Millicent came across "Margot. I hope you are not trying to poach my staff"
"I wouldn't do that to you Millicent. I'm just making Jenna's acquaintance"
'Well I must be off. I have a 2 O’clock patient. I'll see you tomorrow Jenna"
"Thanks for coming Millicent"
"I should be leaving as well. Lovely to meet you Jenna"
I spent the next half hour mingling with the guests. Claudia, Bess and Samantha were quite cold towards me. I guess that was Jenna's legacy from been thought of a bit of a slut at school. Having read part of Jenna's journal I really couldn't blame them, Jenna was a slut. No matter the reason it still fell like a personal rejection. They didn't like it when I tried to talk to Greg or Tom either.
By 2.30 most of the attendees had left. Sarah asked whether I wanted to come to the cremation. I got the hint that she didn't want to go herself and was asking for company. I agreed to go. It was only going to be Sarah, Mum, Dad, Hilda, Richard, Cameron and Barbara plus now myself. The number swelled by two when Hilda asked Zach and Amanda to come as well.
The remainder of the Burton clan were going to spend the evening at Hilda's house. We were invited to join them after the cremation. Mum agreed on behalf of all the McKenzie's, but Monique and James begged off as they needed to get back to Gladesville tonight. They left and said goodbye to everyone as they would be gone before we got home.
At 3.30 I piled into Dad's car with Sarah and Mum. it was only a short drive to the crematorium. I sat at the back of the room during the brief ceremony. I found I was holding hands with Amanda as the coffin exited the room on a conveyor belt.
We drove over to Hilda's house. Her neighbours had prepared a spread of food. I spoke to Melanie and asked how she had managed to get rid of Mitch after the funeral. With Sarah we shared stories about his unwanted attentions. We stayed about 2 hours.
We dropped Sarah home. Mum offered to stay the night but Sarah said she was fine.
Once home I found I was exhausted after such a long emotional day. Before long I was asleep in bed.