It was Sunday morning. I slept in until 8. Once up I had some muesli in my dressing gown while I decided what I would do. I felt like going for a run but was a bit spooked after yesterday. I decided I would go on a different route in the opposite direction. I wanted to tone down my femininity so decided to wear shorts and a t-shirt. However it seemed all of Jenna’s clothes were girly. I ended up in pink shorts and a grey t-shirt with lots of little pink and white flowers on it. I also still wore the pink runners – I had found them comfortable.
I ran for 25 minutes in towards the city. It was bit hillier running in this direction. I then turned around and found my way home via the same route. It was not as pleasant a run as what I had done previously however no one followed me and I had felt safe.
Once home I took my pill, showered using a shower cap and dressed for the BBQ at Sarah’s. Because of Zach’s remarks on Friday, I had decided I would just wear blue jeans, a half sleeved black knit top and runners, with no jewellery or make-up. He wouldn’t know that I had my burgundy bra and panty set on underneath.
The jeans were figure hugging so my feminine curves were not hidden. However the outfit would have to do. The vast majority of Jenna’s clothes were dresses, skirts and tops designed to show off cleavage, not hide it.
It was about 20 past 11 when I arrived at Sarah’s. My old car or I should say Zach’s car was out the front. I parked and rang the doorbell. Sarah answered and let me in. She was looking very smart in a floral, white ankle length dress. Zach and Amanda were in the master bedroom looking through the Rod section of the cupboard. Amanda was wearing a pretty yellow and white midi dress. It made me feel very dowdy in comparison.
They were sorting out Rod’s clothes into two piles. I quickly learned the piles were those that Amanda liked and those that she didn’t. The pile of clothes that she liked was quite small. I would guess about 6 items. I could see that Zach was a bit upset that some of his favorites from when he was Rod were in the discard pile.
I left the three of them to it and went out the back to play with Biddy who greeted my presence enthusiastically. We played fetch for a while then I went and sat down at the old table in the shade under the jacaranda tree. Biddy jumped up on my lap and I gave him a scratch.
After about 15 minutes they must have finished inside. Zach came out carrying an esky and Sarah bought out a bowl of nuts. Zach said he had some beers and offered me one. I accepted. Sarah and Amanda each had a white wine. They sat down at the table with me. The day was turning out to be warmer than had been predicted and I was regretting my clothing choice. Zach peeled off the thin jumper he had been wearing to reveal a polo shirt. I only had my bra on under my top. I also found myself wishing I had a wine in my hand. Beer did just not taste as nice to Jenna’s taste buds. However I stuck to it. If Zach wanted me to behave like a mate, that is what I would do.
Sarah asked how the party had gone last night. Amanda asked what did I wear and I described my green dress. I passed on some of the details of the party itself but omitted mention of Lance being there. I did say how Georgie had schemed to stop me talking to Steve. That got the talk around to how the basketball team was going. Zach said that they had lost all the games since Rod’s accident. The other guys had commented how his own form had dropped off.
Sarah mentioned that I had played netball on Wednesday and related how I had been knocked out and the match subsequently called off. Zach laughed saying “Bitch fight. I would have liked to have seen that. Maybe you should consider taking up mud wrestling” Amanda gave him a cold look.
Sarah said it was time to start cooking and asked Zach to start the BBQ. Sarah went inside to fetch the food. Amanda apologized for Zach’s rudeness and said he was prone to funny moods at times, since Rod’s death. Sarah called out that she needed a hand and Amanda responded before I could. She went in to help Sarah while I contemplated what Zach had said. He obviously had issues with me becoming female. I had wanted to remain friends with him but he was making that difficult. I could never be Rod again. I needed to sort this out. I wandered across and joined him at the barbeque.
“Zach. What’s your problem?”
“Jenna” He emphasized my name “You are not my best mate anymore. You have taken up netball, polished nails and perms, you go to parties in pretty dresses. I suppose next you will start reading romance novels and doing yoga” I‘m sure I blushed. “You have dressed down today, obviously trying to be my ‘mate’ but I still wonder what pretty bra you might have on underneath?”
I could feel my eye’s watering. He seemed to be purposefully humiliating me, but to make matters worse everything he said was true. My voice sounded shrill as I defended myself “It wasn’t my choice. I didn’t want to be stuck like this” I couldn’t control the tears any longer. I turned from him and ran inside. Pushing past Sarah and Amanda who had just come out the rear door. I ran into the spare bedroom shut the door and cried into the bedspread.
What was I meant to do? I had tried to be less girly, it obviously hadn’t worked. I guessed that it was probably true that girls and guys can’t just be friends. I would need to forget about Zach. Just get on with life as Jenna. I was feeling very sorry for myself. No only had I lost my manhood, I had also lost my best mate as well. What was I meant to do? Life seemed so cruel.
There was a knock on the door “Jenna, can I come in?” It was Sarah.
With my face still buried in the bedspread I called out “mm”
I could sense her opening the door and feel her sitting on the bed beside me “What happened?”
Between sobs I related the conversation. She stroked my hair and said “No matter what happens I will remain your friend” I sat up and gave her a chaste cuddle.
After a silent minute she said “I think given time he will start to accept what you have become”
Another minute went by. I finally had the sniffles under control. “Do you feel up to coming back outside and joining us?”
I shook my head “I couldn’t face him”
“Stay here I will bring a burger in for you”
She came back a few minutes later with a burger on a plate, then went back outside. I moved out and sat in the kitchen where I could look out and see them eating at the table. Amanda and Zach were in an animated conversation. I watched as Amanda got up and walked towards me.
She entered the kitchen. “Jenna, He won’t tell me what he said to upset you so much. I apologize for him. He is quite upset himself. Can you tell me something? Do you and Zach have a history?
I said “We have known each other for a long time. Back in school I did try to chase him. But I never got anywhere. I can assure you we have never been lovers”
“What did he say that upset you so much?”
I couldn’t tell her the truth I had to choose my words carefully. “Amanda I’m sure you are aware that I have a certain reputation. I haven’t exactly been the sort of girl that would qualify to be a nun” I looked her in the eye. She obviously was aware of my reputation “I have been making a real effort lately to get my life back on track and…well… Zach reminded me of what I was and won’t accept me as I am now…. as I want to be. I just wanted to be his friend and I don’t mean in a boyfriend/girlfriend way. And your friend as well. He doesn’t want to be my friend”
“Jenna. What can I say? Yes I am aware of your reputation but I only met you a few weeks ago. You have come across to me as a lovely person and I personally don’t care about your past. I would like to be your friend” She came and gave me a hug. “Bugger Zach, he can’t decide who I’m friends with”
“I don’t want to become an issue between you and Zach”
“So long as you don’t start flaunting that sexy body of yours in front of him it won’t be an issue” She looked me over “Can I guess that you wearing, can I say, ‘Plain’ clothes today is a response to Zach’s comments to you on Friday?” I nodded. “In that case, can I give you some advice?” I nodded again. “Don’t let a man dictate what you wear” She returned back outside.
5 minutes later Zach came in. “Hi Jenna. I just wanted to apologize about earlier. I was rude my comments were uncalled for. I do understand that what you have become isn’t your choice. I guess I’m just angry inside that I’ve lost my best mate. We can never be friends like we were before”
“Did Amanda send you in?”
“She did, but my apology is real. I do want to remain friends with you it’s just I’m finding it hard to accept that you’re now a woman. We will just have to define our friendship differently”
“Zach. Your words hurt. I am stuck as a female with all the hormones that go with that. As a female I am going to wear dresses and play netball and I admit I have started reading romance novels. But Zach the key word is stuck. I didn’t do this on purpose. I would prefer to be male, but I’m not. I’m female and I am going to have to live my life as a female. Please accept me for what I am now. I can’t go back”
“How do I treat you? How should I behave around you?”
“I don’t know. But we need to try something. Maybe you can treat me as a sister?” I looked at him “Yeah that could work. And I could treat you as a brother. No sex involved then……… Please give it a go”
“Mm. It’s worth a trial ‘Sister’. I’ve never had a sister before”
“And I’ve never had a brother – in any of my different guises”
“Let’s shake on it” And we did.
We walked back out to where the girls were, together. “Have you two made up?” asked Sarah.
“I hope so” I replied.
Amanda came over and gave us both a hug “Good because I want Zach to get on with my friends”
Sarah also had a happy smile on her face. “How about we clean up and take Biddy for a walk?” and that is exactly what we did.
Zach and Amanda left at about 3. I stayed a bit longer with Sarah and told her of my conversation with Zach. “So you now have two sisters and a brother. Your family is growing”
“I hope it works”
“I think it will. You both want it to”
“So did Zach end up taking anything other than a few clothes?”
“Well he hasn’t taken them yet but he pointed out a few belongings that have sentimental value to him. Like that picture over there. It was hard when Amanda was around. She didn’t like some of his favorite clothes. It was amusing watching him squirm when they went on the reject pile. I will have to get him over on his own sometime”
“So are you going to throw out those other clothes?”
“I guess so. At least donate them. I have no use for them anymore. I’ll get around to it someday. They can go back in the cupboard for now”
“Well I’ll leave you to it. I know mum wanted to sort out what I would wear tomorrow”
“That’s right. The court date. I hope everything goes well”
“So do I. I don’t even want to think about being sent to jail”
“What time is your case?”
“I don’t know. I’m to be at the lawyers at 8.30 to go over everything. He suggested I plan nothing for the rest of the working day”
“Well let me know as soon as you have an outcome”
“Ok Bye”
………
I found the house deserted when I got back home. There was a note from mum on the kitchen bench saying they had decided to go to meet up with some friends but should be home for tea. The Tigers were playing on the TV and I managed to catch most of the last quarter. They had an easy win
I went back to my room, took off my shoes and socks and lay on my bed. I decided I would give Amy a call and see if she how she was.
“Hi Amy its Jenna. How did you survive?”
“Oh Jenna it was wonderful. I can’t believe I wasted all those years being a virgin”
“So he’s gone?”
“Yeah he left after breakfast. But not before cooking me bacon and eggs”
“Was he gentle?”
“Yes, he really took his time. I had to beg him to enter me. He was worried he would hurt me”
“I’m glad you’re happy. No problems at all?”
“Oh I have been a little bit sore. I didn’t think they grew that big”
“He is known as Lance the lance” Oops I hadn’t wanted to say that.
“So you have known him intimately as well?” The cat was out of the bag.
“Umm Yes, a long time ago, back when I was at school”…….”I need to go Amy, I can hear my parents coming in. I’ll see you on Tuesday” I really didn’t want to discuss my own sex life.
“Ok. Bye Jenna”
Mum and Dad had arrived home. I went out and said hello. They had gone to some friends house to watch the footy game. After dinner, with Mum’s help I sorted out what I would wear tomorrow. It would be the tan pleated skirt, nude pantyhose with some beige shoes. I showed her the white sleeveless top in mind. Mum went to her own cupboard and came back with a light brown blazer that matched the outfit well.
I had an early night knowing that I would have a big day tomorrow.