“Well shit, what are we going to do now”, Sam asked shoving his face into your pan so that you could see him.
You could feel your contents shifting as you sighed and mad an expression of disappointment. “There isn’t much we can do”, you moaned. “I guess we are stuck like this, our only hope is that he returns with the keys.” you sigh again joined by Sam as the two of you try to come to terms that you will most likely live the rest of ouyour lives like this.
As you and Sam sat there quietly you were both startled when you suddenly heard an authoritarian female voice laugh, “You humans are so pathetic!”
“Well the hell”, you hear Sam hiss as you see him turn around and look towards the couch.
“Yep, like I said pathetic”, you hear the voice say again, but unable to move you were not able to see who was saying it.
“Who the hell are you”, Sam asked who you figured was a woman.
“Sam what is going on I can’t see, move me please”, you beg Sam, as you are curious to put a face to the voice. You tried to move your litter box body but was left to the mercy of Sam who finally turned and tilted you, so you were facing the couch. What you saw was a super tall and tanned Amazon like lady sitting on your couch. Her outfit hardly left anything to the imagination, and she had long flowing light brown hair.
She sat on the couch legs crossed, cleaning her fingernails as she looked down, figuratively and literally, at you both. “Man, you only get more pathetic by the second”, she scoffed at you both.
“Who are you”, you ask.
“Wow a poo pan is literally talking to me”, she gaged. “You fools have not even had the magic for half a day and you have already ruined your lives! You humans are such idiotic creatures!”
As the lady continued to belittle you both, you speak up and asked again, “Who are you and aren’t you human too?”
Immediately and visibly angry the lady stood from the couch, now towering over you, and shouted in a deep voice, “Don’t you dare lump me in with you lot! I am the great Lady Sha’non thee most powerful and only survivor of the ancient Cel’nons! I am also the one that gifted you keys with my magic.”
“So, your name is Shannon and you are the one that caused all of this to happen”, you reiterate trying to make sense of what she was saying.
Still angry she stomped her foot into your pan causing some of your contents to be displaced. She then sat back down on the couch arms and legs crossed and shouted some more, “Sha’non not Shannon you twit, there is a comma! Also, I didn’t cause this to happen! I merely gave your keys the magic, you buffoons are the ones that did this to yourselves.”
Sha’non continued to belittle you both but the two of you still had no clue what was going on. “I’m sorry my lady but I am afraid we just need a little more context”, Sam said.
“Fine, I am the last of my race that lived on this world over ten thousand years ago. We were an immortal and magical race who often competed to see whose magic was the strongest. Then one day I finally became the undisputed champion!”
“How did you win?” you ask.
A devilish grin spread across Sha’non’s face as she said, “By creating a spell that robbed them on their magic and immortality!” Shaken Sam immediately pissed on the floor rather than in you, for which you were thankful and could not fault him for, because had you been normal you too would have pissed yourself. “Then as the years passed and my people died a stumbled across your pathetic kind. As I learned that you all had no magic I decided to have my fun by using mine to cause problems for you all. Giants, dwarfs, skin color and more, I tampered with it all to cause discourse between you stupid humans. Then I would sit back and laugh my ass off as you all fought and even began to kill one another! It has been a good life, or at least it was until yesterday when I discovered that I am no longer immortal. It turns out that my spell I used on my people had some unexpected effects on me that no amount of magic can fix. Thus, I devised the perfect plan, I would give most of my magic to you humans in form of an object so that it can be fought over and so that my magic an continue to cause suffering long after I am dead.”
The two of you were dumbfounded. Sitting before you was basically the devil incarnate, who had caused all the strife in the world. You still speechless Sha’non continued, “Yes I was the machine that shocked you, and since then I have been invisibly watching you until now. I have to say you are awful at controlling the magic, but it did make for some hilarious escapades. Although now your time with the keys seems to be up, but I am quite torn. I have hopes that anyone can cause problems with the keys, but I am not sure if I want to stop watching you struggle with them yet. There is also a part of me that also doesn’t want to give up making problems with my magic myself. I’m just not sure what I’m going to do.”