MAU: The Ultimate Costume, part 21
added by ElrodW on 09/17/2016 10:25
Jeff and Holly staggered toward Jeff's car.
"Would you let me walk?" Jeff protested as they nearly tripped over a sidewalk crack.
Holly frowned. "But you're walking so... clumsy. Like a guy."
"I am a guy!" Jeff retorted.
Holly's mouth dropped open, and then she grinned wickedly as she forced a hand up to cup one of their boobs.
"Yeah? And these are guy things?"
Jeff frowned. As usual, Holly had a point. He decided to change the subject.
"I'm hungry. Let's pick up something on the way to the party, okay?"
"A chicken taco salad," Holly immediately replied. It was her usual evening meal, which explained a lot about how she kept her figure.
"I was thinking more of a mega-burger," Jeff answered.
MAU: The Ultimate Costume, part 22
added by ElrodW on 09/17/2016 10:34
"Why not one of each?" Holly figured out the answer to their dilemma. "After all, we have two heads, and two mouths."
"Good thinking, sweetie."
They lurched to the car, and with some fumbling, got the door unlocked and clambered inside. The keys started the car, but they over-revved the engine.
"Watch the gas," Jeff said as he winced.
"Sorry."
They shifted into reverse, and with lurching and screeching, the car backed out of the parking spot. As the car approached a stop sign at the apartment complex's entrance, Jeff popped in the clutch to downshift, but the engine raced. By the time he controlled their right foot to get off the gas, and while he was moving the shifter, the left foot moved from the gas to the brake, resulting in a terrible grinding noise when Jeff tried to shift into gear. The clutch popped back in, and the brake was applied, albeit clumsily and with too much force.
The car jerked to a stop.
"Would you let me drive?" Jeff asked icily as he glared out the windshield, not wanting to look at Holly at the moment.
Holly knew the source of Jeff's frustration and anger; he loved his car, and their common body - and their lack of experience
coordinating actions - had just tortured the poor thing horribly.
"I'm trying," she protested weakly. "But it's hard. I mean, I'm in the driver's seat, and, well, it's kind of ... automatic. When I'm in the driver's seat, I drive."
Jeff tried to force them to take a deep breath.
"I know," he muttered apologetically. "This isn't easy. But could you please _try_ to let me do the driving?"
"I'll try."
The car lurched back into motion, turning awkwardly onto the street. With uneven shifts, grinding gears, and over-revving
motor, the car drove off toward the party.
MAU: The Ultimate Costume, part 23
added by ElrodW on 09/17/2016 10:43
"Let me do the talking, okay?" Jeff hissed.
His face flashed red in time with the lights of the police car behind them, the bright ruby flashes reflecting from the mirror to illuminate them.
"But..."
"It's my license, and my car. So please be quiet."
"What are we going to tell him?" Holly asked softly.
Jeff sighed. "Halloween costume, that's what. Now hush - here he comes."
Jeff rolled down the window as the dark figure stepped beside the car. A flashlight in the cop's hand was already
pointing through the window, illuminating Jeff.
"Happy Halloween, officer," Jeff tried to say cheerfully. "Can I help you?"
The cop shone the light over Jeff's face, then over Holly's head, which she somehow managed to keep perfectly still. Then he let the light drift down, illuminating the valley of cleavage and the odd clothing Jeff was wearing. The beam probed around the interior of the car for a few more seconds. Jeff could almost hear the officer's eyes narrowing in suspicion.
"Can I see your license, please?" the officer demanded as he moved the light back to Jeff's face.
"Sure," Jeff answered.
Inwardly, his nerves were jangled. The cop had seen their entire body. He handed his license to the cop. The officer shined his light on the license, then on Jeff's face.
"Mr. Hardy? You were driving rather erratically back there."
Jeff forced a smile. "Yes, sir. It's my costume. It's kind of hard to drive like this. I guess I should have waited until I got to the party to put it on."
The officer frowned. Jeff could tell that he was breathing slowly, deeply, trying to smell if there was any alcohol on Jeff's breath or in the car. After a few well-practiced sniffs, the officer nodded curtly.
"You haven't been doing any pre-party warmup, have you?"
Jeff's eyes widened. "Uh, no sir," he answered honestly.
The officer nodded again, a single nod of minimal motion and exertion.
"Well, you see to it that you don't try to drive home if you have a few drinks. If you're having this much trouble driving
sober...." He let the idea hang for emphasis.
"No, sir," Jeff said solemnly. "I'm planning to stay at the hotel."
"Good." The officer clicked off his flashlight and turned away, then he turned back. "Just out of curiosity, what the hell are you supposed to be, anyway?"
Jeff gulped when the officer turned back.
"You ever see any of the old science fiction movies where a mad scientist joins two bodies into one?" He watched the officer shake his head. "Well, I'm that experiment."
The officer shook his head as he handed the license back to Jeff.
"Damned weird if you ask me."
Holly couldn't hold her tongue any longer.
"That's what I told him," she said.
Then she realized what she'd done. She clamped her mouth shut and turned back ahead.
The officer clicked the light back on and pointed it at Holly's head.
"Who said that?" he asked as he shined the light right at her.
MAU: The Ultimate Costume, part 24
added by ElrodW on 09/17/2016 10:49
"Uh," Jeff stammered, "I did. I've been practicing ventriloquism for this costume."
The officer's eyes narrowed.
"Are you sure there isn't something funny going on here?"
Holly knew she had to do something. She just hoped Jeff would follow along.
"Just this damned costume," she said, trying to move her lips in a mechanical fashion. "It's bad enough that I
have to have this ugly head for company all night long. He probably even snores!"
Jeff had picked up on Holly's intentions almost instantly. He let his lips tremble and move slightly as she spoke, and when she was done, he glanced up at the officer.
The officer moved his light back and forth between Jeff's head and Holly's.
"That's pretty good," he finally said. "Your lips were moving, but not very much."
He clicked off the light.
"Probably the best costume I'll see all night. But what's with the fake tits?"
Jeff knew the officer had been peering at their cleavage.
"Uh, you know the old B-movie science fiction stereotype, don't you? Big boobs, blonde, and bimbos."
"What do you mean, blonde bimbos?" Holly demanded sharply. "And what's wrong with how big my breasts are?"
The officer gawked again, then he laughed aloud.
"If you don't win a prize with that costume, there's something wrong with the judging!" he roared. "Now remember, be careful driving."
He walked back to the patrol car.
Still trembling inwardly, Jeff sighed.
"Oh, shit, that was close!" he muttered.
"Blonde bimbo?" Holly hissed. "Big-titted blonde bimbo?"
Jeff winced.
"It was all I could think of," he stammered. "Besides, would you rather try to explain our looks to a judge?"
Holly glared at him, then she turned sharply away. Jeff sighed again as he put the car into gear and eased back into traffic.
MAU: The Ultimate Costume, part 25
added by ElrodW on 09/17/2016 10:57
"What do you want for dinner?" Jeff asked softly when he spied a Burger Barn. "Burger and fries?"
Holly glared at him.
"No. You know I hate burgers."
She turned away again.
Jeff sighed again. He fought the conflicting nerve impulses to control the body and bring the car to stop at the red light.
"I said I was sorry," he protested weakly.
He got no answer.
"Look, it _is_ the stereotype, and I had to get him to leave."
Still no response.
"Holly, you _know_ I don't think of you as a bimbo. I've never treated you like that!"
Holly turned to look at Jeff, and she saw the pained expression he bore. She knew he really hadn't meant what his words as a reflection on her. And she knew that the 'blond bimbo' really _was_ the stereotype for old B sci-fi movies. She melted.
"I guess I was a little sensitive," she admitted softly.
She sat for a few moments, then she started chuckling. "We really pulled one
over on that officer, didn't we?"
Jeff smiled. "Yeah. I bet he'll be talking about this for years!"
Holly grinned. "Did you see the way he was gawking at our cleavage?"
Jeff winced at the memory.
"He probably thinks I'm some kind of queer or something." He suppressed a shudder. "Anyway, I bet he thinks they're fake."
Holly's eyes sparked mischievously. She grabbed control of one hand and cupped one of the breasts. She felt the tremble of
excitement course through their body, and she felt the stirring down in their crotch.
"Does this feel fake to you?"
Jeff fought for control.
"Stop it!" he snapped. "I'm trying to drive!"
Holly grinned. "Are you saying I was distracting you?"
"Yes! You made them too sensitive. You're making it hard to concentrate on driving."
"Well, it's not my fault. You were the one who made them so big and sensitive."
Jeff frowned. "I did not!"
Behind them, a horn honked.
MAU: The Ultimate Costume, part 26
added by ElrodW on 09/17/2016 21:57
Jeff glanced quickly over one shoulder, while Holly tried to glance over the other. Then Jeff spied a very faint green glow on the hood. He looked up and saw that the light had turned green.
"Damn," he muttered as he eased out the clutch. Again, because of the dual control issues, the car lurched away from the light. Behind him, the horn honked again, then the impatient driver swerved around them, shaking his fist and wordlessly cursing as he passed.
"Son of a bitch!" Jeff cursed angrily at the rude driver.
"We _were_ blocking the intersection," Holly reminded him gently.
Jeff mumbled something under his breath; Holly guessed it had to do with the probable ancestry of the other driver. She decided to let it go.
"There's the Burger Barn."
Jeff welcomed the distraction.
"I don't want a burger," Holly protested. "I hate burgers."
Jeff sighed as the car pulled into the parking lot. "So what _do_ you want?"
He seemed to have forgotten their earlier discussion of dinner. Then again, the drive had been a very interesting adventure, and they had been stopped by the cop. It was only normal that Jeff might have forgotten.
"A chicken taco salad," Holly answered simply. She opened her mouth to add something about the fact that she'd said so earlier, but at the last moment, she decided against it.
"Well I want a burger."
Jeff pulled into the drive through. A few moments later, with a mega-burger in hand, Jeff drove out of the parking lot.
"Okay, now we'll get your salad."
Holly forced their raised hand to stop, the burger inches from Jeff's mouth.
"Not so fast," she complained. "We've only got one stomach, and I don't want it full of burger before I get a chance to
eat some salad!"
Jeff sighed.
"I guess you're right," he said reluctantly. "But I'm hungry."
"You'll just have to be polite and wait until I've got my food, too."
MAU: The Ultimate Costume, part 27
added by ElrodW on 09/17/2016 22:02
The car lurched to a stop in the hotel parking lot, and Jeff gratefully shut the engine off. The drive had been somewhat ... difficult.
"You ate fast on purpose," Holly accused again.
"I did _not_!" Jeff rebutted. "I was busy driving. You were the one cramming salad into your mouth!"
He glared out the windshield.
"Yeah? Well, tell me who ate a mega-burger in three bites."
On the passenger seat, three fourths of Holly's salad sat uneaten.
"I _had_ to gulp it down. Between driving and you shoveling in your salad, you weren't giving me a chance to eat anything."
Holly stared at him for a few seconds, her jaw hanging open, then she turned away.
From the way their body was breathing, and from the mild shaking, Jeff knew she was sobbing.
MAU: The Ultimate Costume, part 28
added by ElrodW on 09/17/2016 22:11
Jeff felt a sharp pang of guilt.
"I'm sorry," he said after a few silent moments. "Maybe I did eat too fast. Maybe I didn't think that we were sharing a
stomach."
Holly reached up a hand; from the sensation of cool moisture, Jeff knew she was wiping away her tears.
"Please, Holly," Jeff continued, "I know this is hard - for both of us. But you have to believe me when I tell you I'm not trying to be insensitive or mean."
Holly turned back; her cheeks glistened with the moisture of her tears. She stared into Jeff's eyes for a few seconds, and she saw the sincerity backing his words.
"I'm sorry, too," she finally said.