The TV screen goes blank and a blue screen with text-to-speech overlay comes on in emergency fashion, "This is a message from the Center for Disease Control -- Texas Division."
"Reports of thick, white gooey mold colonies found on trees and residential homes in suburban Houston neighborhoods emitting musky smells are reportedly being linked to a slew of new inhabitants popping up and grocery store break-ins by what appear to be bodybuilders in their bulking phases."
"Some are claiming that these new inhabitants are linked to recent disappearances; new reported inhabitants range in size from short, high-muscle and fat density males with dense bodyhair to taller, more sculpted ones bearing far less bodyfat constantly in search of food, with ripped, unfitting clothes, and seeking coitus with whom ever accepts."
"People even exposed to its odor reported an increased appetite over the next few days followed by the appearence of new dense bodyhair and muscle mass, difficulty sleeping, constant sweating, the introduction of new musky body odors, increased libido, changed bone-structure emphasizing one's upper body, and deeper voices."
"Exposed males' penises grow while exposed females' vagina's violently eject a pair of testicles while their clits mushroom out over several days; no full female transformation has been observed due to the subject's post-testicle growth hyper-aggression and libido. New inhabitants are constantly seen self-stimulating their sometimes new sex organ and releasing more of that white goo in public."
"All residents are instructed to stay indoors and away from any described individuals, and to call local authorities if any such white, gooey matter is seen in their neighborhoods."
"Stand by for further instructions."
You look in the backyard outside and see..