Slowly eating breakfast, Jessica wasn't really in a hurry. Rather, she was kind of hoping that if she fooled around enough, she'd miss the bus to camp and that she wouldn't have to go. Absently adjusting the way she was sitting, as she kept slumping so that she was sitting in a sort of slouched position with her legs spread, much the same way she would have sat if she'd still been Jeff, Jessica huffed in agitation.
It was a combination of her dress and her breasts that caused this outburst. Every time she'd slouch down and sit how she normally sat, the dress would either pinch uncomfortably at the side of her legs or ride up to the point of almost exposing her panties. To top it off, the moment she slumped into her usual sitting position, her breasts would end of pressed into the edge of the table, the under side of them would end of pressed into the top of the table or they would they would end up getting in the way of her arms in some way. Sitting up, tucking one leg behind the other, she grimaced and looked down at her cleavage and the swell of her chest.
They were one of the many issues she was having a problem dealing with. Before, when she'd been Jeff, she didn't need to worry about her chest. Now, with it swelled out into two B cup lumps, she found it annoying. The were so many complication she now found herself faced with. She had to make allowance for grabbing at stuff, lest the two mounds of flesh ended up pinched, squashed or in the way. There was the headache of how her nipples and the area around them became sore when the wrong type of fabric brushed against them. Then there was the sensitivity of them, particularly in the nipple area, and most of all when she was aroused, which she found disconcerting. Plus, she found it disconcerting when her nipples grew hard, as they could be seen though all her garments if she wasn't wearing a bra. All in all, Jessica found herself disliking having breasts, notably since as it was clearly one of the places on her body boys and men kept looking.
But her breasts weren't the only issue she was having. Since becoming a girl, she'd been forced to take a crash course to make up for everything a girl naturally learned. Clothing was one of those particular areas, as she discovered, as a girl, she clearly wore a lot of dresses, skirts or tight, revealing outfits that she was conflicted about. On one hand, she found she liked a lot of them and the way she looked. Yet, at the same time, she found them off-putting, especially since her mind was that of a boy who clearly saw dressing in such a way as inappropriate and that it wasn't right, even when she tried to argue with herself that she was a girl and that needed to dress as such.
Then there was, to her at least, the most obvious thing that was disturbing, her sexual orientation. Her mind was still that of a young man, but because of the Chronivac, she didn't like girls the same way she used to. Her dream, as well as her sitting in the mall with Tanya checking out boys, was proof of that. Desperately, she wanted to get sexually excited about seeing another girl naked, to know that it was perfectly normal, but found she couldn't. To her way of looking at it, seeing another girl naked was really no different than seeing herself naked, with the only real difference being size, amount of hair and skin pigmentation, among a few other things.
And there was more stuff beyond that that Jessica found herself struggling to deal with.
She was more emotional then when she'd been Jeff, both in the way she acted and the way she connected with other people. She felt more empathetic and was willing to solve an issue through talking and thinking about it instead of flying off the handle and fixing the problem right there. She was more concerned with how she looked, as taking a shower and getting ready for the day involved more then simply washing her body and getting dressed, but also required her to do up her hair, figure out make-up, jewelry perhaps, plus any perfume, and, among other things, making sure her outfit was presentable and appropriate. As Jeff, she'd been more outgoing, forceful, domineering. Now, she found she not only had to be slightly reserved, willing to meet people halfway, but she actually wanted to act so, as she found herself continuously slipping into such behaviourism and mannerism she would have considered weak when she had been Jeff, but now, as Jessica, she didn't.
Everything she'd learned and figured out out the past two days crossing her mind, Jessica huffed again and adjusted how she was sitting. Looking down, realising that at some point she'd finished her breakfast, she found herself upset and feeling like she might cry, not only because of her lost masculinity, but also how much it felt like that being immersed into a world where she had to be a girl made her feel like she was losing herself. That she was being forced to sacrifice something she didn't believe she should sacrifice.
Slowly getting up, conscious of how she stood and walked to the kitchen, all too aware it was exactly how a girl would walk and stand, Jessica deposited her dishes in the sink, ran the water and quickly washed them. The thought of leaving dirty dishes for her aunt bothering her, Jessica wondered where aunt Carol was, as she was usually up by this time. Heading toward her aunt's bedroom, she knocked on the door. When no one answered, Jessica peeked in, but found the room to be empty. Wondering if maybe her aunt had had to go to work early, she closed the door and stood for a moment, listening to the silent house.
She still didn't want to go to camp and felt that the longer she dragged her feet, the more likely she would miss the bus. But then, thinking of Tanya and how much the two had clicked, she found herself slipping into a slump, as she felt it rude to stand the other girl up, especially when she had been so nice and Jessica could honestly say that Tanya could possibly be her friend.
"Possibly, maybe one day, my best friend," she thought as she took one last look about the house.
Unable to find her aunt, figuring she must have had to go to work early, Jessica sighed and collected her bag. Falling back on her original plan to talk to coach Gillian and see if there could be some arrangement made, she took one final look at herself in the mirror, touched up the areas she felt needed it, disliking she not was doing so, but also felt the need to do so, before pulling on a pair heeled shoes and heading out.
Nearly a half an hour later, she arrived at the high school and quickly found the place she was supposed to be, which wasn't so hard as there was already a number of girls gathered. Feeling shy, excited and a number of other emotions, she took a couple deep breaths and told herself, "No need to get so emotional," and greeting a couple other girls, proceeded to act like a normal teenage girl as she looked for coach Gillian.
To her surprise, as she began to easily talk to another girl about what they had to look forward to in the next couple weeks, outfits they'd brought and other matters Jessica found both trivial and, at the same time, important, coach Gillian never showed. Sometime after she gotten to the school and stored her bag with the other luggage next to the bus, she watched sub-coach Danica Laine walk purposefully out of the school with a clipboard and began counting students. Shortly after this Tanya finally arrived and after greeting the other girl, Jessica asked her, "You know if coach Gillian is coming? I need to ask her something."
But, before the other girl could say anything, coach Laine blew her whistle and signalled for their silence. Falling quiet with the other girls, Jessica listened as, to her alarm, coach Laine explained, "I'll be taking over for the moment, as coach Gillian has disappeared," and as a buzz went through the crowd, coach Laine stated, "When I call your name, please come forward, find your name on the sheet, sign next to it, then please board the bus. There will be an hour stop for lunch and we should get to camp around four this afternoon," and blowing her whistle, she called the first girl forward.
Wanting to know where coach Gillian was, the feelings of facing an uncertainty starting to cause her some anguish and anxiety, Jessica looked at Tanya. Seeing the other girl was just as wigged out, she was about to ask her something when coach Laine called out, "Jessica Kaylon."
Suddenly feeling like she was facing a point of no return, Jessica hesitated for a second before walking slowly over to where the coach was standing. Taking the offered pen, she signed her name on the clipboard. Handing the pen back, she was about to board the bus when coach Laine stopped her by handing her a piece of paper. Unsure what it was, she listened numbly as the woman explained, "Coach Gillian signed you up for the swim team tryouts. The first meeting is on the second of September. She's also cleared it with your aunt."
Not wanting to go out for the swim team, awash in a mixture of emotions, Jessica replied, "Cool," as she turned and headed for the bus. The feeling of wanting to cry coming over her, she quickly boarded, found an empty seat and sat down. Listening to the other girls, answering them if they said anything, she eventually looked out the window. Thinking that without coach Gillian around she couldn't get the remote back, she watched as the other girls signed their name on the clipboard, Tanya being one of the last three. As she did this, she asked herself, "Now how am I to get the remote back," and by the time Tanya got on the bus and sat next to her, Jessica had no answer and instead found herself once again being immersed back into a world where it felt like she was losing a part of her former self.