"Hello?" You say tentatively into the receiver, struck by your smooth baritone voice.
"Sup, loser." That voice... Was that- ?
"Kelly?" You ask, stunned to have heard your ex girlfriend's voice after all this time. You suddenly realized that you had no idea what kind of relationship this guy had with her though, and immediately tried to play it cool, "I-I'm fine... How about you?"
"God, you're a terrible liar. In case you haven't figured it out, I'm the one who did this to you!"
"You're the one who made me a hot eighteen year old?"
"That's right! And it's completely permanent, so don't even bother asking me... to..." She lost steam as your words finally caught up with her, "I'm sorry... Did you just say... Hot eighteen year old?"
"Yeah." You say, "Thanks."
"No!" She protested, "No thanks! You were supposed to wind up as some fat middle aged house wife, or an old hobo! Not a... a..."
"Competitive bicyclist with what looks like a nice apartment and steady income?" You proposed, "I think I might be a little bit gay too, cause I'm getting kinda turned on just looking at myself."
"Ha! There! You're gay now! Enjoy the life of discrimination!"
You smirked a little, looking at the space Needle figurine next to all the medals from the Seattle Youth Bicyclists League and what looked like a framed picture of you holding hands with a boy your age at last year's Pride Parade. It struck you suddenly just how cute he was when he smiled like that. Maybe you were gay. Maybe you were okay with that.
"I think I'll be alright." You said.
"Fine!" She said, "Then I'll just do it again! You'll see! I'll-"
"I thought you said this was permanent?"
She went deadly quiet for a moment, and suddenly sprang back to life, "Fine! Then I'll call the cops! Tell them you tried to rape me!"
"I'm in Seattle, Kelly. In case you haven't noticed, there's an entire country between us now, which is honestly sounding better and better the longer we keep talking." You said as calmly as possible, "Besides, why are you even doing this?"
"Because you left me like the selfish pig you are! You left me for that whore!"
"You left for a job opportunity in Tampa. I couldn't afford to move with you. You broke it off. I was heartbroken and then over time I moved on. I'm sorry to see that you didn't."
"Yeah, well you moved on pretty fucking quick for someone who said he loved me!"
"Six months isn't quick. If anything, it's excessive."
She seemed to be listening now, but there were definitely tears. "You know what?" She said, "You enjoy being a faggot... I hope you take it up the fucking ass!"
And with that, she hung up, leaving you to quietly block her number before moving on with the rest of your new life.