Rod Farrelly sent the email and threw the bottle in the trash. Fuck this gay shit, all he wanted was to clear up some dandruff that comes with the stress of twenty years on the force. He had paid his dues, and now that he had a daughter in her teens he had to protect her from men too. His bitch of an ex-wife couldn't be trusted, that much is certain. So now he had to protect and serve at home and in the city. And he couldn't do that looking like some gay bimbo.
Rod saw an email from AeAeA promising to send a new shipment of the original shampoo he ordered the next day if he wasn't satisfied, but Rod didn't give a shit. He planned to look the same in twenty years as he did twenty years ago. He wasn't going to make himself all homo for no good reason. Rod's daughter Paige walked in and asked if her dad was okay, and Rod said he was just pissed because some stupid company tried to make him look like a cocksucker. Paige, constantly disappointed with her conservative father, just scoffed. Rod didn't notice Paige snatch the hair-dye out of the wastebasket (although C.C. did from her own high castle).
An hour passed and Rod still needed to take a shower before work, so he stepped into the bathroom. Lathering himself up, Rod noticed a different smell. He looked around the curtain and on the shower drain but didn't see anything. And then he realized that his standard stolen-from-a-hotel shampoo had been replaced with the accidentally delivered hair dye. No doubt a prank of his daughter's. Rod quickly washed the soap out of his hair before it really set in, and clean himself up. Checking himself in the mirror Rod seemed the same, although his hair had a sunkissed tone to it as opposed to the usual Sicilian dark-brown. With a shrug, Rod realized he was lucky at least. Could have been worse.
--- --- ---
Rod was sitting in the cop car with his partner Meredith. Rod had been assigned to Meredith in order to "help" her get accustomed to the team, but in the end, she wound up acting like a pain in the ass. As Meredith drove, Rod scratched at his crotch. Ever since that shower this morning Rod felt off, that dumb shampoo feeling like hell on his system. His stomach felt tighter and his head felt lighter. It was the strangest cold, something in the chemicals must have fucked him up. Rod thought of everyone he could blame. The bitch that ran AeAeA, his brat daughter, the factory workers who sent the package, the--
"Hey Rod, you feeling alright? You look real pale," Meredith said to Rod. Rod grunted in response. He pulled down the mirror over the driver's seat and saw that his face did indeed look lighter. As did his hair. "Fuckin dye," Rod said under his breath.
"You know you even look skinnier. And your hair looks brighter. If I didn't know any better I would say you looked younger even. Rod didn't disagree, but he knew that it was just that weird product. He knew he was going to ground Paige for this. Rod turned to Meredith, though, tired of her voice. "Calm down, Meredith. Don't get on my assth."
Rod heard himself. It was... off.
--- --- ---
Rod got home. He was exhausted. He had worked a double shift and he sincerely felt like he had lost pounds to sweat. He told his captain already that he wasn't going to make it the next day, and fell asleep the second he got home. He could punish Paige in the morning.
In his sleep, Rod dreamt at least a few different things. He dreamt about Paige laughing at him. He dreamt about Meredith arresting him. He dreamt about some young street rat he had arrested a week before, walking around biting his lip and running his hand through his close-cropped blonde bob. He dreamt about that guy from the police academy with the ear-piercing. He dreamt about a laughing woman in a cave surrounded by pigs wearing men's clothing. He dreamt about that punk taking out his dick, and shoving it into Rod's ass. He dreamt about kissing the cadet with the earring, pulling his crotch closer to Rod's own mouth.
He woke up.
--- --- ---
Rod felt worse than before. He needed to clean himself up. Bleary, he took himself to the bathroom and the shower. Rod knew the routine at this point. First the conditioner. Then the shampoo. Then a light layer of the dye. Then body wash. Rinse the dye. Another lather with shampoo. And dry. But going through the motions felt... off. Like the opposite of deja vu, as if he had never done this before despite his well-known routine.
"Quit hogging the bathroom!!" yelled Rod's roommate, Paige.
Or rather, his daughter. Odd that he thought of her so casually. Hadn't she done something to piss him off just the day before?
Rod turned off the shower and looked in the mirror. He gasped at his reflection. The shock of blonde hair fell in front of his eyes, something he was sure had never happened before. And that wasn't all.