"Do you wish to repeat the process?" the program wizard asked.
"Not just yet." the left Edward replied. "Pause all future changes until further notice."
"Acknowledged: all further customization is put on indefinite hold."
"What gives?" the shocked right Edward asked.
"Well, let's look at it this way." Left Edward replied. "I - or to be more accurate, we - happen to be a 12-year-old beefcake with two heads. In effect, we're conjoined twins that just happen to share the same consciousness."
"Whoa, there, Harvard!" Right Edward said back after picking his jaw off the floor. "Did you just...are we..."
"Getting smarter?" replied Left Edward. "I guess literally having twice the physical brain power does that to a person. But that also means we need to differentiate between the two of us somehow, or else risk talking ourselves all the way to a mental institution."
"You mean...become real-life conjoined twins? As in "two individuals that just so happen to share the same body, yet with each head in control of their side of said body'?" Right Edward asked, now fully aware of the implications.
"You got it." Left Edward replied. "There'd be some areas on our body where we'd have shared sensation - like if we ever had to use the bathroom, for example - but beyond that, that's pretty much the gist of it."
"In that case, 1.) we're gonna have to set it up with the Chronovac so we at least have complementary personalities to avoid driving each other completely insane, and 2.)...I need to think of a new name for myself." Right Edward answered.
"You're right about the first point." said Left Edward. "As for the second...."
"You think the name 'Edward' is too generic, too, huh?"
Well, we DO need something substantial to tell ourselves apart..." Left Edward replied. "But...yeah, I was never sold on having 'Edward' for a first name, either."
Right Edward looked to Left Edward, then to the computer, the Chronovac program still running.
"Then I guess we're in agreement, huh?" Right Edward asked. Left Edward nodded.
The two Edwards turned to the computer and asked in unison "Wizard?"
"That's a first." the program wizard replied as it flared to life. "I've never had TWO users ask for me, let alone both at once. In any case, how do you wish to proceed?"
Left Edward looked back and nodded to Right Edward, then to the computer, and replied "I - or rather, we - would like to make it so we have always been conjoined twins."
"A full-scale reality alteration? Excellent choice, gentlemen." the program wizard replied. "Anything else beforehand?"
"What do you mean?" Right Edward asked.
"Well," the program wizard answered, "once the reality alteration is complete, your current...'form', for lack of a better word, becomes the default around which any and all future changes will be based."
In other words..." Left Edward spoke, "unless we want to default to a two-headed Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jr. every time we use the program, now would be a good time to make some last-minute changes beforehand."
"Ah, man!" Right Edward groaned. "You mean we gotta ditch this rockin' bod?"
"Unfortunately...unless you want to try out for sports, only to have coaches question whether or not we've been using steroids." Left Edward replied.
"Well..." Right Edward turned to the bulging bicep on his side's arm, kissed it lightly, and said "'C'est la vie.' But yeah...I see your point."
"Then we're in agreement?" Left Edward asked.
Right Edward nodded. "Yeah. Wizard, first dial the full-body upgrade back to somewhere halfway between 'beefcake' and 'young Olympic gymnast', please."
"Very well." the program wizard replied. "Commencing full-body upgrade - or rather, downgrade - now."
The two Edwards watched as their once-imposing musculature deflated to the specified setting, the skin on their body adjusting itself to match. In mere moments, their desired body was reached: less muscular than a 12-year-old professional bodybuilder, but still more so than an Olympic gymnast of comparable age.
"Next, we would like our heads to have separate but complementary personalities," Left Edward added.
"Very well," the program wizard replied. "Based on your personality analysis, the left head is the original Edward, and is somewhat risk-averse and methodical. The right head appears to be highly inquisitive and a bit of a risk-taker."
"Maybe it's just me," Right Edward interjected, "but I wouldn't consider myself a risk-taker: maybe I'm a bit more open to experimentation."
"Either way, gentlemen..." the program wizard continued, "...if presented with the chance to do something unusual, your right head is likely to ask 'Can I really do that?' while your left head will ask 'Should I really do that?' Not at all judging: just an observation."
Pondering the program wizard's answer, Right Edward turned to Left Edward, then to the computer and replied "I guess you wouldn't be wrong about that. Proceed, please."
"Before commencing persona formatting," the program wizard replied, "do you wish to give yourselves new names?"
"Not a bad idea," Left Edward answered. "It'll be a lot easier for people to tell us apart."
"Very well," the program wizard replied back. "I'll give you both a moment to settle on new names for yourselves."
Having been a fan of comic books - particularly superhero comics - since the day he could read, it would have surprised no one that the two Edwards would have initially settled on the same names as the creators of their favorite superhero: "Jerome" for the right head and "Joseph" for the left. After a bit more thinking, however, the two Edwards made their decision.
Turning to the computer, the two Edwards spoke in unison for what they hoped would be the last time. "We're ready, Wizard."
"Were I as much flesh and blood as you two, I'd say a part of me is going to miss that," the program wizard replied. "I take it you've come to a decision?"
"We have," Right Edward answered. "I've decided on the name 'Jeremy' for myself."
"And I've settled on 'Joshua'," Left Edward added.
"Anything else you want changed as well while your new personas are being formatted?" the program wizard asked.
"Just a couple things." Right Edward replied. "Could you make our shared shoulders and upper body wider...like, say, 25% wider?
"Why?" Left Edward asked. "It's not like we can't already talk to each other."
"Maybe I'd just like to have a face-to-face conversation with my soon-to-be twin brother." Right Edward replied. "I'm not asking for us to have three boobs or anything."
"That's true." Left Edward answered back.
"And while you're at it, we would also like to be made into anatomically correct - and yet perfectly symmetrical - conjoined twins, with each head controlling only the limbs on their side of the body," Right Edward added.
"That's a lot of changes to make all at once, even for a program as powerful - and advanced - as the Chronovac." Left Edward interjected. "You sure about all this?"
"I'm inclined to agree with your soon-to-be twin brother." the program wizard chimed in. "Are you absolutely sure you wish to proceed in this fashion?"
"Of the two of us, I'm gonna be the risk-taker." Right Edward calmly answered. "And like the old adage goes, 'No risk, no reward.' Besides, I figure a human body is a lot like a house: if you have both the plumber and the electrician there on the same day, having them work near simultaneously means the house gets done that much faster. And since we're gonna have our wiring re-done, we might as well have the rest of the 'basic remodeling' done at the same time."
Left Edward pondered the idea for a moment, then turned to the computer and said "I guess it's worth a shot. Alright, Wizard, let's do it."
"Very well, gentlemen." the program wizard replied. "Formatting personas and re-configuring anatomy now."
The two Edwards closed their eyes and let the process take hold, both heads gritting their teeth from the mild discomfort of having their minds rewired. Their discomfort then turned to mildly excruciating pain soon after as the shape and internal anatomy of their shared body were being systematically reconfigured, forcing them to the floor and into a fetal position in near-agony. After a few moments, the process was complete and a new set of stats appeared on the screen:
Name(s): Jeremy "Jerry" & Joshua "Josh" Platte
Age: 12
Gender(s): Male
Height: 5'10''
Weight: 140 lbs.
Build: Junior Olympic gymnast, but moderately more muscular
Status: Both single
Sexual Preference(s): Straight
Occupation(s): Middle School Students
Species: Human (Conjoined identical twins - Dicephalic parapagus variety)*
The two newly-minted conjoined twin brothers, still reeling somewhat from the procedure, picked themselves slowly off the floor and into a nearby chair.
"Whoa!" Right Edward - or rather, Jerry - softly exclaimed upon seeing their new stats. "You even gave us nicknames?"
"Of course!" the program wizard replied. "You DID say you wanted others to more easily tell you apart, correct?"
"Yeah, we kinda did." Left Edward - now Josh - said sheepishly. "Or rather, I kinda did back when we were still calling each other 'Edward'."
The two heads then looked at each other and quietly chuckled, both faces grinning ear to ear.
"Not gonna lie, bro." Jerry replied. "Feels good to have a good laugh at yourself every once in a while."
"I guess we are brothers now." Josh answered back. "And yeah, it really does."
Looking back to their new stats, Jerry noticed the asterisk at the end of the 'Species' heading. He then asked "Hey, uh, Wizard, why is the 'Species' heading asterisked?"
"Well," the program wizard replied, "you two still haven't settled on a final form before the full-scale reality alteration. It also denotes that your appearance isn't typical for your kind of conjoined body type."
"How so?" Josh asked.
"Look down at your chest." The program wizard replied.
Both heads looked down at their wider chest and noticed a third nipple, positioned dead center and in line with the original two.
"So much for NOT having a third boob." Jerry muttered.
"Cosmetic issues aside," the program wizard continued, "...you'll no doubt notice I took the liberty of making some other changes - as per your instructions, of course. For instance, Jeremy, try moving the left arm."
"Move it? I can't even feel it." Jerry answered. "Or anything else on Josh's side of our body, for that matter."
"Same with me feeling anything on Jerry's side." Josh added.
"Exactly." the program wizard replied back. "You said you wanted it so each head could only control the limbs on their side of your shared body? Well, as yet another old adage goes, 'Ask and ye shall receive.' Care to see the rest of my handiwork?"
"O...kay..." Jerry answered, both he and Josh now understandably nervous about what other changes the Chronovac program had wrought.
A list then came up on the screen:
List & Distribution of Organs for Jeremy & Joshua Platte:
2 heads
2 spines, merging at coccyx and joined at thorax by sections of ribs
2 completely separate spinal cords
2 arms
1 broad ribcage with 2 sternums and fully-formed bridging ribs
3 nipples (all nonfunctional)
2 hearts in a shared circulatory system (nutrition, respiration, medicine taken by either affects both)
4 lungs with the medial lungs fully fused into a shared "super-lung"
1 diaphragm with well-coordinated involuntary breathing
2 stomachs
2 gallbladders
1 liver, both lobes enlarged and elongated
Y-shaped small intestine, which experiences a double peristalsis at the juncture
1 large intestine (one colon)
1 navel
4 kidneys: 2 left, 2 right
1 bladder
1 set of reproductive organs (each twin contributing a testicle that feeds into a single penis shared between both twins)
2 separate half-sacrums, which converge distally
1 slightly broad pelvis
2 legs
"Whoa! Too much info." Josh exclaimed. "I'm pretty sure we don't need to know how our 'downstairs plumbing' is set up just yet."
"Just being thorough." the program wizard answered back. "I'll give you some time to acquaint yourselves with your new body."
A minute or so of further experimenting proved the program wizard's statement true. Though Jerry and Josh could only control the limbs on their respective sides of the shared body, they were surprisingly well-coordinated with one another. They could walk and otherwise move as well as, if not better than, a single-headed person could. And together, they could probably ride a bike, drive a car - the sky was the limit!
They still couldn't get past the third nipple in the center of their shared chest, sticking out like a sore, vestigial thumb.
"What I wouldn't give to be able to have us look like a normal human being from our necks down." Jerry muttered.
"No argument there." Josh replied.
"Well, I can remove the 'offending' nipple and broaden your chest musculature to compensate." the program wizard interjected. "Beyond that, however...would you like to see additional options?"
"Additional options?" both heads quizzically asked in unison.
"Of course," the program wizard replied. "There are many kinds of conjoined twins on record. The variety you are now is known as 'dicephalic parapagus' - literally, 'two heads, side to side'. Within that, there are some other variations."
"Can we see them, please?" Jerry asked.
"Of course," the program wizard replied. A list appeared on screen:
DIBRACHIUS: dicephalic twins with two arms altogether (one for each twin)
TRIBRACHIUS: dicephalic twins with three arms altogether
TETRABRACHIUS: dicephalic twins with four arms altogether
DIPUS: dicephalic twins with two legs altogether (one for each twin)
"Wow! That's a lot of options." Josh exclaimed.
"And that's just the tip of the iceberg." the program wizard replied.
"Well," Jerry answered, "...since we haven't settled on a final form yet...you wanna try some of them out?"