Susan entered the small shop in the mall in a funk, she told herself she was in search of a gift for her girlfriend's birthday next week but really she had wandered in on a whim trying to get her mind off of her son and boyfriend... A moment earlier she had passed a Big and Tall advertisement and that brought this morning to the forefront of her mind.
Kenny, Susan's Ex, was a lean, charismatic, athletic, handsome, self absorbed, arrogant, dipshit of a man. All the traits their 17 year old son, Jeremy, seemed to have inherited. Susan and Kenny had gone their separate ways 9 years ago and Susan had tried dating, but seemed to find herself stuck with the same type, until now.
Michael wasn't athletic, or lean, and his scalp was ever growing, but he was thoughtful, kind, generous, sensitive and caring. Traits Susan was just about to give up looking for in men. In what seemed like an epiphany Susan realized she had been giving her eyes too much control. Michael made time for her, listened, made her feel appreciated. She couldn't remember feeling that way in such a long time.
Jeremy was lean, slightly muscular, and lithe. Being 17, he could eat anything, not gain fat, and had energy to spare. All traits he expected everyone to have, and obviously, its Michael's personal failings that he is anything other than an athlete... Jeremy had hardly any acne and was just beginning to grow sideburns. If he was anything like his father (and he was much like his father) he wouldn't need to contend with body hair until he was in his mid 20's and then it would just be his chest, he would never have to worry about disgusting shoulder or back hair. His boyish good looks helped him charm his way out of situations.
Jeremy wouldn't hold back quips, comments, or judgement poking at Michael. Attacks on his size mostly but after stealing an inch he went for the mile by including his receding hairline and copious body hair. When Susan would intervene the discussion would quickly be twisted to saying it's his way to express a concern for Michael's health. When Susan would press that that isn't how he should talk to anyone, Jeremy would press back questioning why she would consider someone who will obviously have medical issues in a decade or two... Susan was so flabbergasted by these conversations that she just tells Jeremy to leave, but his arrogant attitude continues.
After wandering the aisles for several minutes and not finding anything to act as a suitable distraction, Susan continued ruminating over her problems at home. Susan was lost in thought with her arms across her chest and tapping her foot when the old woman came up to her with a warm smile, "What can I help you find dear?"
"What does your store even sell anyways?" Susan snapped, displacing the anger before she could stop herself instantly feeling horrified and embarrassed.
The woman seemed to take no offense and seemed cheerfully invigorated by the challenge of an emotional customer, "Oh my dearie, well we sell lots of unconventional solutions to many different problems, why don't you tell me what's on your mind and I'll see if we can find you a good solution." the woman exuded hope and positivity.
Susan apologized and, having been given the chance, vented. "... so my son is turning into a bully and a jerk just like his father! I just wish he... he... oh I don't know."
"Oh yes, teenagers and empathy are a rare thing." The woman empathized.
"If he just understood what it was like for those who didn't win the genetic lottery..." Susan muttered
"Yes, yes, you're right, a full body swap would be a sacrifice for both you and Michael." The woman commented to herself.
"What?" Susan asked, not understanding what she heard.
"You're looking for your son to show a little more maturity and appreciate what it is like to not be handed a figure suited to a modeling career?" The woman pondered.
"I know, its absurd..." Susan laughed to herself. "Maybe after he's 30 his metabolism will help him understand but by then he'll be set in his ways. I just... I..." Susan was beginning to feel overwhelmed. Was she a bad parent? Her son seems to evade learning the most basic levels of compassion.
"I think I have just the thing!" The woman scuttled several aisles over while Susan composed herself.
Susan walked over as the woman pulling something off the shelf, She read the box carefully before nodding and handing it over. "Bear Bod" the box read. "How does this work?" Susan asked.
"Its like a vitamin, you'd add a small dose to something your son will eat or drink and it will nudge his body to become a little heftier and more hirsute. It includes a maturing effect, so your son won't be able to get away with things so easily."
Susan was skeptical the little vial of clear liquid could do everything it promised. She read the instructions. Step 1, Open the vial. Step 2, Drink it like a real man. Step 3. Enjoy full results in 5 months. "FIVE months?" Susan balked
The shop keeper looked confused, "Yes. the potion increases his appetite, shifts his taste preferences, changes his hormone balance and the maturing effect I had mentioned... all that takes time to find its new balance." It dawned on the woman why Susan was alarmed, "OH, yes 5 months for the FULL effect of using the full vial, you will begin noticing small changes within a week or two and those will continue for several months. From the sound of it though, you are just looking for a small change to help your son be a little more average and act less entitled, so you probably don't want to use more than 1/5th to a quarter of the bottle."
Susan looked at the shelf where the box came from noticing, a similar style of packaging. "'Something for bear in mind' what's that?"
"Oh, that's a solution for a different issue. It helps someone with a body like Michael's feel more confident and proud of their physique, to the point of idolizing it. That may be good for Jeremy if you use too much Bear Bod and he feels disconnected from his body, but it's better to just use caution and restraint when giving him a dose." the woman smiled.
Susan didn't feel completely comfortable because she unfamiliar with the market for a product like this and though the woman was kind Susan was starting to feel trapped between buying this one product or letting her son grow up to be a jerk. Looking around she noticed for the first time that she is in the Male Maturity section of the store, so she looked around thinking there must be more options so she can be a more informed and responsible consumer.
Liquid Glow Up, Dad Bod, Next Step, and Baby Fever were a few items that caught her eye. Susan asked and the old woman explained that Next Step is to make a boyfriend feel ready to settle down, Baby Fever is for procreation, Liquid glow up helps teens look better, so the only one she might consider is Dad Bod but the maturing effect won't be as much or ensure a change in his body type like Bear Bod will.
Susan was embarrassed thinking she asked the woman about aphrodisiacs for her son... she hurriedly said she'd take the Bear Bod and made her way to the counter... "Your total comes to 5.35 dear." the woman smiled. "Oh, and remember, don't use more than a quarter of the bottle unless you want him to look your age." she added with a chuckle.
Susan left the store thinking it was weird how the woman said maturing as though she meant physically, but that's absurd. and she made it sound so powerful, HA, how potent could it be for only 5.35?