I sighed with relief as I unfurled myself from the lamp, eager for the smoke to clear so I could see who had released me – and who would soon become my unwitting victim.
“I am the Genie of the Lamp!” I boomed, as a trembling young man cowered before me. He looked to be about college age, and in fact the smoke dissipated to reveal we were in a tiny dorm room with two twin beds crammed on opposite sides. The side this kid was on seemed neat enough, but the opposite side was looked like a bomb exploded. An empty pizza box sat in a grease stain on an unkempt bedspread, and pencils, dirty clothes, and old video game cartridges were piled everywhere like landfills. I returned my attention to the boy. “What is your name, master?”
“J-Jack,” the boy stammered. I gave him a once-over. He wasn’t much to look at. Yet. Skinny and pale, he obviously didn’t get outside much. He was wearing an oversized T-shirt and jeans, and though he had an unkempt flop of brown hair on his head, by the look of it, it was the only hair on his body. He didn’t even look like he needed to shave!
“Well, Jack. You know the drill. I’m a genie and all that.”
“So I get three wishes?” Jack babbled.
I chuckled heartily. “Oh no, dear boy. The three wish contract is for amateurs! I can grant as many wishes as your heart desires, but only for the next 24 hours.”
Jack just starred at me incredulously. I nudged him. “Go on, make a wish. We can start with something small.”
Jack sheepishly said, “Ummm… I mean, if you ARE real… I guess it couldn’t hurt to try to look better.”
Biting my lip with anticipation, “Go on…”
“Well, I’m kinda into ... bigger people, but I was never able to gain weight myself. I even have a roommate who I-”
I cut him off there, “Let’s just start with something simple, shall we?”
“Yeah ok, okay.” Jack stammered, “So I wish… I wish I was incredibly chubby and perfectly plump with blonde hair.”
Aha! We’re starting with an easy one. I didn’t want to start making major overhauls too soon, so I just gave his wish a tiny nudge, picking my three extra words very carefully.”
“I wish I was incredibly chubby and perfectly plump with blonde hair AND A CHODE.”
I snapped my fingers and Jack began to sweat. His baggy shirt suddenly seemed to fill out and expand, his nipples peeking through. Then it happened...