It's 1AM, which means you've got a few more hours until you usually get to bed. Your shift at the movie theater won't start until 5PM anyway, and you're usually late. You have all the time in the world to rework your life into something worthwhile. Instead of thinking about all of the things Jared stole from you, you start thinking about all the things you can have now. The ring might have turned you into a disaster stoner, but it can help you claw your way up the social ladder into something even higher ("Ha, higher," you think to yourself) on the social ladder.
Before that, you head to the bathroom. At your old job, you were forced to be clean-shaven every day and had to look "presentable." Obviously, the movie theater doesn't have the same standards. You look closely at your face and see some dark stubble already growing in. You couldn't grow so much as a mustache with your old hair, but now that you have Jared's old hair, you also got his ability to grow some decent facial hair. It's not much yet, but you decide to work with it. Using a really old mechanical razor, you do a pretty quick shave until you've got a decent stubble goatee and the beginnings of some nice sideburns. On a whim, you also shave off the weird nipple hair. And then you think "Fuck it" and shave your entire torso.
Then you realized it was 1:45AM and you still haven't made any progress whatsoever. You step back into your messy living room and think about what to do to make your new life better. Possibly switch jobs with a billionaire? Or just straight-up make yourself the pope? That last one seems like it would have long-term consequences so you rule that one out. Before you can think too deeply about what to do, you hear a banging from upstairs. Followed by a moaning. A very loud, intentional moaning.
"Travis!" you hear Jared scream from upstairs.
You're half-inclined to take a broom and thwack at the ceiling like an old babushka. You know he's mocking you. He's upstairs having loud sex with your former boyfriend while you're downstairs covered in nacho cheese stains. You knew Travis would never go for a guy that looks like the current you. Flabby, messy, coated in grime. You decide that before you work becoming less of a fuck-up, you need to become more fuckable.
You grab your phone and head to Instagram. Your current account (aka Jared's old one) was filled with a bunch of indie musicians with 200 followers at most. One of the indie bands you're currently following had a pretty hunky guy behind a bass guitar. Your Jared-knowledge starts telling you who this hunky man is, where he was born, and what his best qualities are, but you ignore that new part of your brain. All you care is that he has very big arms and a chest that juts his shirt out enough to create a shadow underneath. You decide that you're going to steal that man's muscles. You focus on his body and kiss the ring.
A second later, you hear a tear. It hurts like hell as your body bursts out of your tight tank top. You moan a bit as the collar rips apart thread by thread. You look down and see that your chest is now massive. You grab one of your pecs to make sure it's real. You squeeze it in your palm and jiggle it a bit. It's real and it's perfect. You let go of it, then try to make it pop. It works. You can pop your pecs. You start making both of them bounce, one after another. You have your fun, then move on to every other part of your body. You flex your biceps, shocked at just how high up they can go. You keep touching the apex of your bicep, fully expecting it to disappear. Your massive thighs are straining your pants at the seams. Your perky ass is almost as big as your head. You run to the mirror in the bathroom again and slide off your pants, just so you can see it jiggle.
It takes you a second to find out what the accidental change was. You don't notice it until you flip your long hair back a bit to see your ears. They have gauges now. They aren't huge, but they're noticeable. Two black circles in your ears covering up the big holes. Gauges weren't something you ever wanted before, but the new you? Sure, why not? You take a long look at the new you in the mirror, already happy with how this is going. Jared and Travis could have sex all night for all you care.
It's getting late. Despite everything, you have work the next day. You take one last look at your new body before heading to bed, already thinking about what swap to do next.