The room was deathly still and awkward as "Boss" the cobra lady sat at the janitor's old desk flanked by the two iguanas, who were watching the two police detectives suspiciously. They were basically staring each other down.
"Now." The cobra placed her hands on the desk as the Administrator in front of her took a rusty cheap chair in front of her. "Now. My possssition issss open to movement. All of you. Let'ssss esssstablisssssh an undersssstanding with each other so it issss clear. Run thissss by me again."
One of the detectives spoke up and adjusted his terribly cliched fedora while his female partner watched the room carefully. "All right. I like the no bullshit thing, so let's keep doing that. From the law's perspective, this Todd guy is responsible for breaking into zoo property and comitting some minor crimes that involve animal welfare. That's about where the clarity ends. We have no idea what to do with you guys from here. I don't think you did anything wrong, and I expect to say this in my report." He turned to his partner and she nodded. There was sympathy there for the whole messed up situation. "I'll say I don't want to be responsible for fucking you over, but it's not in my hands."
The cobra nodded gently. "Thank you. I appreciate the honessssty, detective Cross."
"Uh... okay." A lawyer piped up, adjusting his windsor knotted tie nervously. "So, without the law being clear I can't really, like, uh, define anything. But basically, without this remote thing, we're looking at either animal welfare issues or... or some kind of human rights thing. Or... we may have to redefine like, the meaning, of science experiment. Or whatever. Point is we can't rule anything just yet. I just don't know what the ruling is going to be here because there's no precedent. So. Uh."
"And you're called a DA?" Boss blinked feebly. "Issss that right?"
"Uh, yeah."
"Okay, that's all well and good!" A blonde woman curled her lip. "But the property itself and the land it's on is leased to the zoo administration by the Fletcher Corporation. We have to actively think of the property, the extensive water damage that's been done by this Todd guy. I don't care if it's science or magic or whatever. We stand to lose a bunch of money on repairs that the zoo is refusing to pay. And my people was assurances that somebody is going to pay for this whole mess. What you do with these... mutants... is hardly my concern."
The male iguana bristled slightly but he caught the look from his mate. They restrained themselves. The detectives in the back whispered to each other and noted that the lizards were conducting themselves very favorably. The DA leaned in on the conversation and nodded his agreement.
"So it comes down to this." The zoo administrator gulped. "Uh, basically, you can't stay here. And since you aren't technically legally people but animals I need to turn you over to the animal welfare people. And..."
The cobra nodded thoughtfully. "Ssssooo you're telling me that our optionssss are get out and fend for oursssselvessss or just get out."
"Basically, yes." The lawyer lady crossed her arms smugly. "We can't have a bunch of freaks living in our building."
"Now let's not characterize these creatures as freaks, Catherine!" The Administrator chided suddenly. "This is certainly not their doing that they wound up this way."
There was agreement from the law in the back of the room. They softened slightly as they talked amongst themselves.
"The trouble is that they aren't anything!" Another lawyer piped up.
"Lissssten. I absssssolutely agree that we can't sssstay here and that the damage to your building musssst be repaired." Boss suddenly threw in. "Would you be willing to lissssten to an immediate sssssolution that would benefit everybody pressssent?"
The executives, at least, debated amongst themselves for a moment while the cops in the back stared with disinterest.
"We're willing to hear what you have to say, at least." The loud mouth, Catherine apparently, said. "If this can be resolved, then so be it."
"I have good sssstrong workerssss here who can offer a good will gessssture of cleaning up and resssstoring the building from the water damage, of coursssse. We will do sssooo if you provide usss the materials. Don't you think that sssaves you money?"
Catherine crossed her arms. "Go on. You have my attention."
"In return, we will not go to ssssome animal welfare place. We are not animalsssss any longer. We are people. Let'ssss sssstart treating the issssue as ssssuch now to avoid further complicationssss."
This was met with another murmur. The detectives and the DA talked quickly and seemed to come to an agreement.
"We're going to approach the circuit judge for an emergency ruling on human rights." The DA announced. "I don't have any reason to believe that these people are anything less than people or mean us any harm. Do we agree?"
The room exploded with voices again and the cobra tried to focus in on what was being said. This was their fate being decided right now by people who weren't them. She still had her back up plan, of course. The cobra was very shrewd and very clever.
The Administrator raised his hand sharply and called the rest to quiet. "This is what I have decided for the moment. As the ultimate owner of this facility, we recognize that something very unusual and unprecedented has taken place here. If, for the moment, we regard these people as animals, then it is my duty according to the zoo's charter to provide the highest level of care for them while they are technically assets of the zoo. Therefore, until you define them as people I still have an obligation to ensure their health and wellbeing."
"You can't close the zoo!" Catherine blurted.
"I do not intend to. I will speak to this fine lady at length and we will work something out. She seems perfectly willing to negotiate to both of our satisfaction."
This, at least, managed to appease the suits. Briefcases were closed, people grabbed their coats from the dingy couch, and the humans began to clear out.
The detectives, the DA, and the administrator stayed behind.
"All right." Detective Cross nudged his partner. "Best we can do with this whole fucked up mess is write what we saw. You lizards, you're okay. We can't do anything else for you."
"This is true." The female detective added. "Just keep in mind this Todd guy is in shit I can't even begin to quantify yet. Illegal testing, illegal experimentation on animals, property damage, breaking and entering. But you guys, we've got nothing against you guys."
"We undersssstand." The cobra said sweetly. "Thank you, detectivessss."
The cobra waited until they began to clear out and the DA approached.
"Were you sssseriousss about ssssspeaking to people who can help ussss?"
"Absolutely." The DA rose from the chair and nodded. "I'll do what I can and what is right."
"Thank you." The cobra said sweetly. The DA left and the cobra and the iguanas were left alone with the Administrator.
The Boss had a plan. She still had the remote.