The year 2026 was a pivotal one for Freddy and Michael’s relationship. It was the year they consummated their marriage, after being coupled for nine years prior. It was the year that Freddy Benson was beginning to turn his life around, having buckled down in community college, which allowed him to get into a local Sacramento law school. It was the year where the company Michael Scavolini worked for was about to explode on the international stage. Despite the year beginning with some highs, the end would sink into a very deep low.
On a particularly ordinary September day, Freddy and Michael both came home from their busy days at the same time. They had purchased their shared apartment 6 years prior, on a downturn in the real estate market. The money that they had received from the magical world helped to pay for it in full, so they owned the property outright. They had move out of their respective parents homes when they turned eighteen and never returned again. Despite this, the two of them did not live together in the apartment for very long up until this point.
From the fall of 2020 to the spring of 2024, Michael had attended Harvard university. He got a spot at the prestigious institution at the very last minute, being one of the last people to be informed of his admission. Unlike his friend Diya, who had gotten early admission due to her perfect grades and extensive extracurricular interests, Michael waited months to hear from back from the famous school.
Michael was prepared to attend Sacramento university on a full paid scholarship, when the news of his acceptance from Harvard came in. Michael was overjoyed, but worried about what distance between him and Freddy would do to their relationship. If it wasn’t for the insistence of Michael’s father, Ralph Scavoloni, he never would have attended Harvard. After taking out loans to cover the costs, Ralph paid for Michael’s full ride to graduation, since no scholarship money was going come.
While Michael buckled down and took his rigorous academic studies seriously, his friend Diya had other ideas in mind. Inspired by the story of Mark Zuckeberg’s creation of Facebook in his Harvard dorm room, Diya became less interested in her courses and more interested in developing the next billion dollar social media empire. Though she got respectable grades with very little effort, her focus primarily lied on her top secret project; iThink.
iThink was her genius idea to merge social interaction with friendship building. In Diya’s estimation, none of the previous social media giants had ever managed to get the balance correctly. After spending her freshman year tinkering and developing the app, she had a basic prototype ready to test out.
During this time, Michael had helped her with working out the technical kinks in the coding, along with suggesting key changes to the platform that later proved critical to the website’s success. For his efforts, Diya and Michael signed a mutual agreement that if the social network took off, she and Michael would split the profits 50/50.
In the second semester of their sophomore year of college, Diya’s beta testing around campus caught the attention of Silicon Valley. Diya and her parents, seeing opportunity knocking on her door, agreed that it was best to drop out for a few years to pursue this new business venture. Diya dreamed of being one of the richest people in the world, the richest woman and the richest Indian American in history. In her mind, iThink was her ticket to a billion dollar fortune. She could always go back to school later if her business failed. Diya intended to strike while the iron was hot.
Diya put pressure on Michael to follow her out to Silicon Valley, but he did not do so. His father had gone into tremendous debt to allow Michael to attend Harvard and he was in no mood to allow Michael to throw that all away on an uncertain roll of the dice. Resigning himself to finishing his remaining two and a half years of school, Michael promised Diya that he would follow her out to Silicon Valley when he graduated.
During this time, Freddy, with lackluster grades, but excelling in his track and field running, attended community college and raced for the school on scholarship. His first year of school saw mediocre grades, but garnered him the attention of Olympic coaching scouts. They were looking to put Freddy on team USA for the 2024 Olympics. Before Freddy could take this opportunity, however, the increased speed following his transformations into Fido dropped off dramatically. Soon, he could no longer hit the record speeds that he had before. His dreams of Olympic gold were over before they ever started.
At his all time low, with his dreams of glory dashed and missing Michael tremendously, Freddy decided to take his academics seriously. When he made the effort to crack down on the books and study, his grades improved and he graduated with an Associate’s in English. Transferring to a local four year institution, Freddy switched his major from English to Political Science, tinkering with the idea of a career in public service. By the time he received his BA, he had decided that he wanted to work in the legal profession. The pain of Freddy’s loneliness and his crushed dreams made his ability to turn his life around all the more remarkable
Two years prior, in 2024, Michael had returned to their new home in Sacramento from Cambridge for the first time in four years. Although Freddy had been living there and Michael had come home for the breaks and holidays, it was beginning of their years of living under the same roof together. In spite of occasionally feeling the temptation to do so, Freddy never cheated on Michael in the four years prior to his return home, though many men, and women, wanted a chance to sleep with him. Michael had stayed faithful to Freddy as well, with a surprising amount of male suitors making their presence known to him at Harvard. If only the kids from his high school could see them now.
When they settled into a life together, they fell into a routine for the prior two years. Michael began to work long hours at iThink, working behind the scenes, while Diya made the rounds as the face of the company. Determining that Silicon Valley was dying and overpriced, Diya agreed with Michael’s suggestion to set up shop in Sacramento.
For Michael, it gave him the opportunity to be closer to Freddy, who he had been far away from for the last four years. For Diya, it gave her the ability to rent out a larger office space than she could afford to get in the bay area. She hoped to establish the city as the new tech hotspot. Being only an hour and a half away from San Francisco, it put her in close enough proximity where she could still attract investors from the bay area. If Diya could put Sacramento on the map, she’d make a fortune, especially if she bought property low like Michael and sold high when the real estate prices skyrocketed again.
Freddy, with the help of Michael’s careful editing of his personal essay, got acceptance into law school in Sacramento. Once there, he began to excel in his classes. Though Freddy hadn’t exactly figured out his area of legal expertise just yet, the events of the fall of 2026 would give him a sense of certainty over his future and his career.
Exhausted from school and work, Freddy and Michael smiled at each other, when they both approached the door to their apartment at the exact same time.
“Oh” Freddy said, as he leaned in to kiss Michael on the lips and unlocked the door. “You’re home at the same time as I am today.”
“I know” Michael responded, as he kissed Freddy back. “I’m going to work remotely for the rest of the day. All the things I needed to do in the office are finished.”
“Maybe we can have some time for some fun this evening.”
Freddy grabbed Michael’s hips, as he opened the door and led him into the apartment. It was decorated by Michael, with a chic, modern design. It was not overly crowded in the living room, but the two men nearly tripped over the table, before catching themselves.
“Come on” Freddy said, as he continued to kiss his lover. “I want to get into that ass of yours today. I’m really horny.”
“Me too” Michael replied, as he grabbed at Freddy’s hardening dick.
Before they could make their way into their bedroom just off the living room, Michael’s phone began to ring.
“God damn it” Freddy said, as Michael let go of him and ran to answer it. “Who would interrupt our passionate make out session like that?”
Michael saw that his father, Ralph Scavolini, was calling. He wasn’t particularly in the mood to hear from him, but was worried that it might be an emergency. Sighing in resignation, Michael picked up the phone.
“Hello dad” Michael began, with a sigh in his voice.
“Are you fucking serious?” Freddy asked sternly, before Michael shushed him. “He has some fucking nerve calling you after the shit he pulled earlier this year.”
“Quiet.”
“Michael” his father said on the other end of the line “is now not a good time?”
“It’s never a good time, asshole!” Freddy yelled, before Michael pushed him into their bedroom and shut the door behind him.
“Sorry, that was Freddy” Michael said on the phone.
“Maybe I should call back tomorrow” his father replied.
“No, it’s fine. I can talk now. What’s up?”
“I wanted to ask you a favor, but I know you’re not going to agree to do it. I’m just going to ask it anyway and you can say no when I’m done.”
Michael groaned aloud.
“Fine, what do you want?”
“So you know that your mother has been away for a few days now.”
“I know that, dad. It’s because you didn’t go away with her on vacation.”
“I’m aware of that, but in my defense, I’ve been short on money paying off your Harvard loans and it hasn’t really been a good time to go away.”
“You haven’t gone away in over two years now. You didn’t have to spend a lot of money. Just take a weekend to palm springs or something.”
“I just haven’t been up for it, that’s all. I’ve been taking on a lot of work to cover the debts I have and it’s been draining me of all of my energy. Your mother asked me to come with her on the cruise, as she was getting a big discount because her friend is a high level employee. I told her no, as I just didn’t have the strength to do it and couldn’t really get the time off.”
“You haven’t taken a day off in over four years, dad. I’m sure if you asked for some leave, they’d give it to you.”
“Still, I just couldn’t justify getting on a plane and flying all the way to Europe for thirty days to go on a cruise with a bunch of women. I decided it’d be better to stay home. However, I haven’t exactly been taking your mother being away very well.”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine, dad. I mean, you’ve slept in the bed alone before.”
“Not in almost twenty five years, I haven’t.”
“That long?”
“No, Michael. Ever since I moved in with your mother during my second year of college, I can’t even remember the last time I’ve slept in the bed alone. It’s been driving me nuts. I’m so lonely and I’m so horny.”
“You have a hand. Just use it to take care of yourself. You’ll be fine. Mom will be back before you know it.”
“It’s easy for you to say. You get it on the regular every night with that husband of yours.”
“First of all, like you even care, considering you didn’t even show up for our wedding. And I had to go for four years sleeping in a Harvard dorm room alone before I came back to Sacramento.”
“Four years that I’m still paying for.”
“Regardless, we don’t get to have much sex these days. By the time I’m finished with work and Freddy is done with school, we’re so exhausted that we just pass out. Our love life is not that exciting. It’ll only be a short while, dad, and then you’ll be back with mom again. You can do it. I have faith in you.”
“That’s what I was wanting to ask you about. Can I come by and sleep at your guys' place tonight?”
“How much longer are you going to be on the phone with that asshole?" Freddy asked, as he popped his head out from their bedroom.
“Shh!” Michael hushed.
“I knew this wasn’t a good idea” his father said. “I’m going to go now and—“
“Wait, you can come by.”
“What!” Freddy yelled.
“Freddy, calm down.”
“I knew this was a bad idea” his father said. “I’m going to go now.”
“Wait. You can come over for the night, but that’s it. Go to sleep, get up and then go home.”
“Michael” Freddy growled.
“I really don’t want to be any trouble” his father said.
“It won’t be trouble fo just one night” Michael said, trying to be reassuring. “But in the morning, you have to go. Understand me?”
“I won’t wear out my welcome. I promise.”
“You know where I live?”
“I do. I’ll see you in a few hours.”
“Bye dad.”
Michael ended the call and looked up to see Freddy staring at him angrily. His face was as red as a tomato.
“Are you fucking serious?!” Freddy yelled.
“Calm down, Freddy” Michael cooed.
“Michael, what the fuck?!”
“I’m worried for my dad, Freddy. Mom’s been saying he’s been depressed and drinking a lot. His health isn’t so good and he refuses to take off from work. Construction is a real body killer and he doesn’t see the signs of his decline.”
“Why do you even care?”
“Because he’s my father and I love him.”
“Some father you have. He didn’t even show up to our wedding.”
“I know, Freddy, but—“
“Do you remember how he ruined our wedding day, Michael? We were just getting him to accept us as a couple after nine years of his religious objections to our love. Then, he pulls an eleventh hour shit move like that and leaves you high and dry. Our whole day was ruined. You were crying non stop. Everyone at our wedding thought it was cute at first, but by the time the reception came around, everyone was worried for you. Our special day was totally ruined. Look at our wedding photos.”
Freddy pointed to a photo of them on the wall in tuxedos, one black and one white, taken in black and white, before continuing to speak.
“This is the only photo I can proudly show from what was supposed to be the most important day of our lives. The rest of the photos the photographer took that day had you bawling hysterically. You looked like a total mess and what should have been the happiest day of our lives turned into an absolute disaster.”
“Freddy, I know my father fucked up and I’m sure he does too, but, these might be his final days. I’m worried about losing him before we can try to make amends.”
“How can he make amends for that day, Michael? It’ll forever be ruined.”
“Because our love is stronger than a fucking reception and party, Freddy. Being married isn’t about a perfectly executed glitzy series of events. It’s about joining our hands in marriage.”
Michael walked over to Freddy and held his hands. Their matching wedding bands shined brightly from the overhead light.
“This is what matters” Michael continued. “We pledged to spend the rest of our lives together. None of the other bullshit matters.”
“Even still” Freddy replied “this goes beyond the wedding. This is about your father’s refusal to accept us as a couple. If he can’t do that, then he doesn’t deserve your love anymore.”
“My father has done so much for me, including paying off my massive student loan debt. Sure, he’s made some bone headed mistakes, but he is my father and I love him.”
“Michael, I don’t want your father coming into our home. Call him back and tell him to turn around.”
“No.”
“Michael.”
“Freddy, if you make my father leave, then I’ll leave!”
Freddy stood in silence, as Michael began to hysterically sob.
“My father has fucked up many times” Michael continued through his tears. “I admit it. He’s done some really shitty things. But he’s also been my biggest supporter and cheerleader. I know he’d never do anything to intentionally hurt me. He was brought up in a shitty religion, but at least he’s tried to put that aside for me, for us. If he’s reaching out like this, then maybe he wants to try to make amends.”
“It’s too late to try to make amends, Michael. The ship has sailed.”
“It has not!”
“Michael, be reasonable here.”
“No!!! This could be the last month of my father’s life and I want to try to patch things up with him before he passes away.”
“You could always go over to his place and try to do it. You don’t have to bring him here into our home for him to make a mockery of our relationship and cause us more heartache and grief.”
“Freddy, you don’t get it. This might be the end. The end, end. If you kick my father out now and he dies without the chance to at least try to make things right with me, then I will never forgive you! Ever! I don’t think I could stay married to you if you deny me this chance to try to patch things up with my father!”
Michael continued to sob, as Freddy looked on at him with sympathy. If Michael was going to be this insistent on having his father stay over, even though he was the one who was the most screwed over by his refusal to attend their wedding, then it really wasn’t his place to deny Michael’s father a place to sleep for the night. Freddy sighed, as he placed a gentle hand on Michael’s shoulder.
“Fine” Freddy said, resigning himself to this inevitably. “He can stay for the night. But don’t let him get too comfortable and make himself at home here. I don’t know how I could handle him being a guest in our home for the next month. I’d lose my fucking mind.”
Michael sniffled, as he gave Freddy a hug and a kiss.
“Thank you, Freddy” Michael said, as he sat down on the couch. “You can go to bed now. I’ll wait for him to arrive.”
“You’re not going to do this alone” Freddy replied, as he sat down next to him. “I’ll wait for him with you.”
The two lovers sat in silence, as Michael leaned his head onto Freddy’s shoulder. After a long passage of time, the front bell to their apartment rang.
“I’ll get it” Michael said, as he quickly got up to answer the door.
Standing on the other side of the door in the hallway was Michael’s father. He didn’t look as good as he did even just a few years before. His shiny black hair was beginning to gray and his muscular body turned flabby. Still, his arms and chest were well maintained, in spite of his growing beer belly. He looked your typical gay bear, except that he wasn’t gay.
Michael noticed something else, too. His father, normally clean shaven, had about two days worth of salt and pepper scruff on his face. This caused Michael to crinkle his nose, along with his father’s permeating body odor.
“Ugh dad” Michael said, as he led his father inside. “You smell and haven’t shaved in days.”
“And hello to you too” his father replied sarcastically, as he followed Michael into his apartment.
Standing up from the couch, Freddy walked over to Michael’s father with an angry expression on his face.
“Ralph” Freddy said curtly, extending his hand for a shake.
“Freddy” Michael’s father replied enthusiastically, giving him a strong grip as they shook hands. “It’s good to see you, man. How has law school been going?”
“Fine.”
Freddy let go and stormed off into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him. Noticing this, Michael’s father looked at his son with a pained expression on his face.
“I knew I shouldn’t have come here” he said.
“Dad” Michael replied. “We’ll talk tomorrow. Let’s get you showered and ready for bed.”
Michael took his father to the second full bathroom and laid out towels, shampoo and soap for him to use.
“Wash yourself and get ready for bed. Did you remember to bring clothes?”
Michael’s father thought for a moment, before he blushed.
“I forgot” he replied. “I was in such a rush to make sure I didn’t get here too late, that I forgot to bring a change of clothes.”
Michael groaned, as he left the bathroom for a moment. Standing in silence, Michael’s father peeled off his clothes and got ready to get in the shower. Before he could step in, the bathroom door opened again.
“Yikes” Michael said, seeing his father’s naked body and shutting the door behind him.
“Michael” his father called back. “It’s ok. It’s not something you haven’t seen before.”
Michael slightly opened the door and spoke to his father.
“I don’t have any clothes in the house that will fit you. The best I can do is give you a pair of underwear and Freddy’s robe.”
Michael handed his father the robe and underwear from the slit in the bathroom door.
“When you’re done” Michael continued “put those on and come into the living room. I’ll have the sofa bed prepared by the time you’re done.”
“Ok” his father replied.
Michael’s father shut the bathroom door, as he took the robe and underwear and placed it on top of the sink. Showering, he carefully shampooed his hair and his newly growing facial hair. He planned to grow in a beard while his wife was away, knowing she didn’t like it. He hoped that Michael wouldn’t make him shave it, but was prepared to do so if his son insisted.
Rinsing out the shampoo, he took the bar of soap and began lathering his body. His luxurious black chest hair had turned grayer. Though it was still sexy, it showed the signs of an older man. Washing through the rest of his body, he wished Michael would come in to wash his back, but knew that was a boundary he could not cross. Soaping up his furry crotch and hairy asshole, he finished showering and got dried off and dressed for the evening.
During his father’s shower, Michael had moved a table from the front of the couch, pulled out the sofa bed and set it up. He got some sheets and pillows from the linen closet and made the bed nicely. Just as he finished, he heard the bathroom door open and saw his father coming out and walking towards him.
“Tie up the robe and cover yourself up” Michael said, as he looked down on the floor.
“Hey Michael” his father replied. “You’re lucky I’m wearing anything at all. Normally, when I’m in bed, I sleep nude.”
“Ew. How does mom deal with that?”
“She doesn’t complain.”
Michael’s father winked, as he plopped himself down on the bed. Looking at his father, Michael saw one of his father's testicles popping out of his underwear.
“Ugh gross, dad!” Michael exclaimed. “Put your testicles away.”
“Sorry” his father replied, as he blushed and pushed it back into his underwear.
“I’m going to bed now. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Night Michael.”
Michael nodded, as he went into his bedroom to find Freddy already sleeping.
“He’s probably exhausted” Michael thought to himself. “I’m tired too. I’m going to rinse off and hit the hay.”
After a short rinse, Michael got changed into pajamas and hopped into bed with his husband. The next morning, Michael got up and saw that Freddy was still lying next to him. He looked at the clock and saw it was only 6:30. Taking a quick sniff, Michael smelled something in the air.
“What’s that smell?” Michael thought to himself, as he got out of bed and walked into the living room .
Peering into the open kitchen, he could see his father working the stove and using a spatula on a pan.
“Morning dad” Michael said groggily.
“Morning Michael” his father replied, as he looked up from his pan. “I decided to make breakfast this morning. It’s the least I can do to repay you for putting me for the night.”
“Thanks dad. That’s really thoughtful of you. Whatcha making?”
“Nothing too fancy. Just some scrambled eggs and bacon. Should be enough calories to hold you over for a while.”
Michael nodded, as he sat at his little breakfast table. A few minutes later, as his father served him a portion from the pan, Freddy walked out of the bedroom.
“Freddy” Michael’s father called out. “Morning, man. Want some breakfast? I made bacon and eggs.”
“No thanks” Freddy replied quietly, as he made his way out of the door. “I gotta run. I have classes to catch.”
“Suit yourself. See you later.”
“I hope not.”
Freddy left the apartment, as Michael’s father served himself and then sat down across from his son.
“I won’t wear out my welcome, Michael. I promise.”
Michael nodded, as he and his father dug into their meal.
“You like the beard I’m growing?” Michael’s father asked.
“No” Michael replied. “Why are you growing it? It makes you look old.”
“Your mother hates beards and I figured that, with her gone for a month, I’d grow mine out and see how it looks now. I know you don’t like them, so if you want me to shave this morning, I will.”
Michael sighed, as he looked at his father.
“You don’t have to shave now” he replied. “Have at it while mom is away. She’ll make you remove it once she gets back.”
“Maybe I can convince her to let me keep it this time.”
“I doubt it.”
“You never know.”
Michael and his father continued eating their meal. When they were done, Michael got the dishes and cleaned them in the sink, while his father laid back down on the sofa bed. As Michael went to go to his bedroom, his father called out to him.
“Come sit with me” he said, as he patted the space next to him on the sofa bed.
“I can’t, dad” Michael replied. “I have to go to work. Speaking of which, did you tell your employer you were taking off today?”
“Uh….”
Michael groaned, as his father nervously got up from the bed.
“I should get going now” his father said, as he ran to the bathroom, “If I hurry up, I can still make—“
“Dad, sit. I’ll call your boss and tell him you need the day off. It’s not a big deal.”
“You don’t need to do that. Besides, they have a big project coming up. They need all the help they can get now. All hands on deck.”
“I’m sure if I explain the situation to Tony” Michael replied, as he got his phone out and searched for his father’s employer’s number “he’ll totally understand.”
“You don’t have to do that, Michael.”
“I want to.”
Michael dialed the number and a man immediately picked up on the other end of the line.
“Tony T’s construction. This is Tony speaking. How can I help you?”
“Hi Tony, it’s Michael Scavolini, Ralph’s son.”
“Mikey! How are you, man! I haven’t seen you in a long time. How you doing these days?”
“Fine. Listen, I have to be brief. My father came over to my place last night and he looks like he’s in terrible shape. I’m hoping you can give him some time off.”
“What? Of course! That man hasn’t taken a vacation in two years. This work is wearing him down bad. He needs a break in the worst way and refuses to take one. Tell you what? I’m giving him the whole week off and if he needs more time, he can call me next Monday. Sound good?”
“That sounds great. Thanks Tony.”
“Don’t mention it. Tell him I said hi and I hope he gets better soon.”
“I will.”
Michael hung up the phone and looked at his father.
“Tony told me to say hi and that you have the week off.”
“Oh Michael, you shouldn’t have done that. Now I’m not going to get paid and—“
“It’s paid vacation. You deserve it. Now sit.”
“Did he really say that?”
“Yes” Michael lied. “Now sit.”
Begrudgingly, Michael’s father sat down, as Michael tried to get ready for work.
“Michael” his father called out.
“What is it, dad?” Michael replied, as he tried to gather his things. “I’m trying to get ready for work.”
“Stay home today.”
“What?”
“Stay home. I’ve been feeling really lonely lately and I need someone to talk to. Please stay home with me today. I really need you here.”
Michael stood still for a moment and thought about it. He was worried about the reaction at iThink if he asked for the day off. They were approaching a critical investor meeting with individuals who could change the company’s fortunes. Michael didn’t want to abandon them at their time of need, especially since he had only started recently pounding the pavement at the company.
On the other hand, Michael was really worried for his father. He looked unwell and possibly suicidal. If Michael left him alone for the day, he was afraid that he’d come back to find his father in a coma or dead. That would kill him, which seemed to override his judgement.
Sighing, Michael pulled up his phone and dialed the HR manager at iThink.
“Rita speaking” the voice on the other end of the line said.
“Hi Rita, it’s Michael Scavolini. Tell Diya and the board that I can’t come in today. My father hasn’t been feeling well and I need to care for him until I can find a home aid worker.”
“Has he been hospitalized?”
“No.”
“So you wish to use a personal vacation day?”
“I don’t have personal vacation days, Rita. I’m the co founder of the company, not a low level employee. I was just calling so you could tell Diya and the board in case they were wondering where I was today.”
“I don’t think they are going to be too happy to hear this, but I will pass along the message. Have a good day.”
“You too.”
Michael hung up the phone and sighed, turning to his father as he did so.
“I’m off for the day, then” he said. “Let me clean up and I’ll come back out.”
“Ok” his father replied.
Michael went to the bathroom in the bedroom and cleaned himself off. Making himself presentable, he went out and saw his father sitting on the sofa bed.
“Sit with me” his father said, patting a spot next to him on the couch.
“No” Michael responded coldly.
“Come on, Michael. I didn’t have someone to sleep next to me last night. It’s the least you could do to cheer me up.”
Groaning, Michael made his way over to the sofa bed and cautiously laid down next to his father.
“No funny business” Michael said, as his father draped his arm around his shoulder. “You remember what happened the last time.”
“No funny business” his father agreed. “I promise.”
Michael stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, as his father looked at his son with love in his eyes.
“What are you thinking about, Michael?” his father asked.
“Stuff” Michael replied shortly. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Suit yourself.”
Michael’s father gave him a kiss on the cheek, which caused Michael to squirm uncomfortably.
“Still embarrassed by your father’s affection, huh?”
“I’m not on good terms with you right now, dad. You know that.”
“I know, Michael. I just want to know that I love you.”
“Do you love Freddy?”
“Yes.”
“If you love Freddy, then why did you skip our wedding earlier this year?”
“Because I was an idiot and I allowed my religious objections to blind me from my fatherly duties. I may not, and still don’t, approve of it, but I needed to be there for you as your father and I failed. I will have to live with that mistake for the rest of my life. I can’t say ‘I’m sorry’ enough because it will never take away or erase the pain I caused you.”
“What brought on such a quick apology, dad? I didn’t think you’d say that so soon, if ever. It almost doesn’t sound sincere to me.”
“Because I don’t know how much longer I have to live and I want to try to make things right with you while I still can.”
Father and son began to sob, as they embraced in a strong, but affectionate hug. Despite his irritation with his father’s now three days of scruff, Michael ignored the rough sensation on his face and allowed himself to feel warm and loved by his father. Michael’s father let out a well of tears. He never felt comfortable being emotional in front of people, not even his wife. In this moment, he wanted to let his pain and anguish go. He needed to, as much as his son did.
After a long embrace, the two of them pulled away from each other and dried their eyes. Michael continued to stare at the ceiling, while his father draped his arm around his son's shoulder and stared at him with a smile on his face.
“I’ve been talking to my therapist” his father spoke up. “After your mother threatened to throw me out of the house, it forced me to address some of my feelings on gay people and why I was acting like such an asshole in regards to you and Freddy.”
Michael looked at his father, who did something he rarely ever did; poured out his heart and soul.
“To be honest, Michael” his father continued “before you came out to me as a teenager, I didn’t really know any gay people, certainly not any openly gay ones. I grew up in a different time and people didn’t really talk about that stuff. I mean, I must have known some guys who were gay, but I always came in from the assumption that a man was straight unless he said otherwise. People in high school always gossiped about who might be gay, but I never partook in it. I just assumed they liked girls unless they said they didn’t.
“Before you, I only knew two other guys who I think were obviously gay. The first one was in high school. I was always a popular kid, being a big jock and all, but I was friendly to everyone. I never turned my nose up at anyone, no matter where they fit on the social ladder. Nerd, jock, geek, theater kid. I’d talk to anyone. I always thought I’d make a good politician, but I never bothered to try.
“In my either junior or senior year of high school, I don’t remember which, there was this kid who everyone picked on and teased. Being the guy that I was, I decided I wanted to sit with him at lunch one time and get to know him. He was very girly. You might today call him transgender or whatever. He was very feminine, had long hair and a pretty face. If he had a vagina, I’d totally fuck him.”
“Dad, gross.”
“Sorry. So anyways, he was sitting by himself one time and I brought my tray over to talk to him. He didn’t really say much, so I did most of the talking, about my wrestling, about school, all that stuff. Then I mentioned that I knew this other boy, who was a bit nerdy, who said to me he wanted to talk to him, but was too shy to go up to him. The girly boy asked if that was true and I said it was. I said he should go up to the nerdy boy and talk to him since the nerdy kid was too afraid to do it himself. They could be best friends.
“Long story short, I go into school the next day and see the two of them hanging out and cuddling together. I assumed they must have hit it off, but almost in a romantic sort of way. Regardless, after I set them up, they never spoke to me again. I didn’t really care, as I had a lot of people to talk to, but I felt good knowing that I helped make them a couple.”
“Oh wow. I never knew you did that.”
“Yeah. The other gay guy I knew…well, I wasn’t so happy about knowing him.”
“What do you mean?”
Michael stared deeply at his father, who looked down at his hairy chest and began to sigh.
“Remember years ago when I told you that before I moved in with your mother, I hopped around friend’s couches and stuff?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, I didn’t really do that. The truth is that before I moved in with your mother, I had a regular roommate. After I was forced out of your grandfather’s place when he died, I was desperate to find another place to live. I was low on money and really needed to find a place on the cheap. Scanning the newspaper, which is what we did before the invention of Craigslist and whatever, I found a roommate wanted ad where they were offering up a place for free.”
“That seems like it’s too good to be true.”
“I was only seventeen and wasn’t really thinking straight. My only thought was that I was broke and needed to save money. A place to stay for free was perfect for me. I didn’t need a lot of space, as I’m a simple guy. I just needed a place to put my head down at night after classes and wrestling.
“So I call the number in the ad and the guy invites me down to check the place out. When I get there, I meet this kind of nerdy looking guy with glasses and he shows me the place. It was like the size of a closet. Small kitchen, a living room, one bathroom and one bedroom. That was it. No couch and one small bed.
“I asked where I would sleep and he said on the floor. I thought for a moment and decided what the heck. I could use my backpack as a pillow and I’d get the best sleep I could. A few days later, after I put my remaining stuff in storage, I took the rest of my belongings and moved in with him. I had no access to his dresser, so everything had to be put in one small corner of the bedroom.”
“Wow. Why did you put up with that?”
“I was desperate, Michael. The room was free, so I figured why not? The first few days were horrible. It was a cold floor and I didn’t get much sleep. However, that changed one evening when I came home from classes. I saw some furniture guys leaving the apartment with my roommate’s bed. When I went inside, I asked him where he was going to sleep.
“Before he could answer, the guys brought in this ginormous California king size bed and the pieces to build a bed frame. After they started installing it and putting it up, the guy, whose name was Barry by the way, said that he felt bad that I had to keep sleeping on the floor and also felt that he wanted an upgrade. He figured that, if I didn’t mind sharing with him, we could split the bed as there was enough room for the both of us.
“The bed just barely fit in the room, being as small as it was, but they somehow managed to get it up. Wanting to get my ass off the floor, I said sure, figuring there was enough room for the two of us on there to share and we wouldn’t touch each other or anything.
“That first night was one of the best sleeps of my entire life. Maybe it was because I was so happy to be sleeping in a real bed again after sleeping on the floor, but that bed was so comfortable. It felt great on my side, since I’m a side sleeper, and I slept like a baby. It was wonderful.
“The next night, I wanted to get to know Barry since he got me this sweet bed to share with him and I felt he was at least owed a thank you. I told him a little bit about myself, my wrestling career and my work towards getting a Bachelor's in Business. I noticed after a few minutes that he wasn’t really paying much attention, so I changed the subject and asked him about himself.
“He said he was an art student and wanted to be a painter. I thought that was stupid, since art degrees are a waste of money and go absolutely nowhere. He said life wasn’t all about making money and that without art, the world would be a dull and boring place.
“So after that, we slept for the night and the next few nights were totally fine. However, a few nights later, that totally changed.”
“How so?”
Michael was increasingly interested in his father’s recollections of his life. This was not the case for his father, whose face showed the expression of a man tormented by his past.
“So one night, I go to bed like normal and a few hours later, I wake up. I have no idea why I’m awake, since the sun hadn’t risen yet. I try to get my bearings and noticed that I could feel Barry on my back.”
“Oh no.”
“He was right up on me, cuddling me. I wasn’t sure if he was awake or not, so I tried to go back to sleep.”
“Why didn’t you wake him?”
“Because I was afraid he’d get mad at me if I woke up him, since he was so sensitive about making sure he got enough sleep. So the next morning, I go to bed and wake up to the same thing. The dude is spooning me, but this time his hard erection is poking at my ass.”
“Wow.”
“And then, just as I was aware that he was doing it, I felt his hands leave my sides and make their way under my shirt.”
“Oh my god.”
“So he starts playing with my chest hair and I’m getting really uncomfortable. I know this dude is awake and purposely doing this, so I have a choice to make. I can either try to push him off and tell him to knock it off or I can just let it happen. Desperate not to be thrown out on the street, I decided to just let him do it. He stopped rubbing my chest hair after a few minutes, but he left his hands on my chest for the remainder of the night.”
“Dad, you shouldn’t have put up with that stuff. That’s sexual assault.”
“I just didn’t know what to do at the time, Michael. I was afraid that if I said something to him or pushed him off of me, that he’d get mad and throw me out of his apartment. And if I went to the cops, what were they going to do? It was a different time back then. People didn’t take sexual assault as seriously as they do now, especially when guys were complaining. If I reported him doing this, he’d say I shared a bed with him and I wanted it. Everyone at school would think I was a fag—“
“Dad!”
“Sorry, Michael. That I was gay and that would have ruined my wrestling career. So I just figured that, as long as he didn’t try to rape me, I was just going to put up with it. It’s like the old expression goes. Ass, gas or grass. No one rides for free. Or in this case, no one rents for free.”
“That’s terrible, dad. You shouldn’t have put up with that. It wasn’t worth the free rent to be accosted like that.”
“In hindsight, sometimes I wonder if I should have said something, but again, I didn’t want to be thrown out and the money I saved during that time was critical to raising you when your mother had you unplanned. I always chose to see it as the price I paid to make sure you were taken care of.”
“Dad, that’s terrible. I had no idea that happened to you.”
“And that’s not the end of it, either. So a number of months later, a routine is established where we go to sleep, he puts his hands under my shirt when he thinks I’m not awake and fondles my hairy chest until he falls sleeps. But then, one night, he goes for the fondle for a few minutes, but then he takes his hands away and rolls over to his side of the bed. I thought that he must have felt I was awake somehow, but then I hear him pull down his bottoms and start rubbing one off. He whacks his meat for a few minutes and then I can hear him groan as he’s cumming. When he finished, he just passed out and I went back to sleep.”
“Wow.”
“This pattern went on for about a year and a half.”
“That long?”
“Yes, that long. Though after the first semester of college, I started staying over at your mother’s place more, so I was in the bed with him less. On some nights, he’d throw me out into the living room and make me sleep on the floor. He’d invite gentleman over, mostly on the weekends, and they’d be fucking in the bedroom. When he wasn’t fucking some dude or I wasn’t at your mother’s, he was using me as a way to get his rocks off."
“So I guess it ended when you moved in with mom.”
“Yes. I was getting sick and tired of it after a certain point, so when your mother said she wanted me to move in with her, I jumped at the chance. When we found the place we’d eventually settle into together, I got my meager belongings and told Barry I was leaving. I thought he’d be mad or try to beg me to stay, but he didn’t. He just kind of coldly said goodbye and we went our separate ways.”
“Wow. I’m glad you finally got out of there, but that’s a really long time to put up with that shit. I had no idea you even went through that experience, dad. I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
“It’s not your fault, Michael. This is the first time I’ve told anyone about this.”
“Even mom?”
“Even your mother. She knew the guy, but had no idea what was happening at the time.”
“I wish you would have told her. She might have insisted on you moving out sooner.”
“I was afraid that she’d think I was less manly if I told her or I was secretly gay. I just thought it was best to keep it to myself, internalize it and be thankful for the money I saved that helped to raise you over the years. Maybe the internal pain of this is partly why I was so mad when you came out. I probably was thinking about my suppressed feelings on this dude and took my anger for him out on you.”
“I understand, dad. I just wish there was some way to make this right. Do you remember his last name? Maybe we can contact him so you can confront him about it.”
“What good would it do, Michael? It was over twenty five years ago. Even if he remembered, he’d deny it ever happened and I’d never be able to press criminal charges now anyway.”
“Maybe you could tell him how angry you were about how he violated you.”
“It’s not worth it.”
“It’s worth a try.”
A silence filled the room, as father and son hugged once more. They didn’t speak for many hours after this. They simply took a long nap in each other’s arms; relieved that a burden was lifted off their shoulders.
In the present time…..