Cris Herman. It had been his name his entire life.
"Cris?
"CRIS?
"CRIS CAN YOU HEAR ME?"
"Stop shouting at me!" someone said. Which is funny because that's what I said, but I heard...someone...else...
I woke up on a bed, not in the same high tech piece of medical equipment they had me lay down on before. With all its intricate lights.
"What?" Cris asked, with the hoarsest voice he'd ever spoken in. "What's happening? Where am I?"
"Mister Cris. You're up! Wonderful. What is your name? Can you tell me?"
A handsome doctor was bending over. He looked to be a tall, handsome man in his 30s.
"I...My name is Cris."
"And that stands for?"
"Christian."
"Okay, good. You remember your last name?"
"It's Herman, goddamit! That doesn't sound like me...my...voice..."
"It's okay. It will all come back to you soon. Just look at me. How many fingers am I holding up?"
"T-two. My...my hands! Oh my god!" He was crying out in an old man voice.
"Okay, so you're conscious. Try to sit up, Cris."
Cris did so and a shooting pain went up his back.
"Gah! Goddamit! It hurts!"
"Yes, part of the preparation for the procedure requires no pain meds for at least a day before transference. Can you tell me who the president is, Cris? Cris told him. "Very good. Now, we can get some pain meds in you but you have to wait an hour or two, okay? I just need you to sign this form..." The doctor produced a series of forms for Cris to sign.
"This states that you acknowledge the body swap was successful. Good. This one acknowledges you are going to spend the next five years in this body without contesting the decision of the court. In exchange, there will be no...snafus or bureaucracy wasted that could...delay your transfer back."
"Uh huh," Cris said, feeling his heavy, new wrinkles all over his face. He wanted a mirror. No, he didn't. He couldn't look!
"And this says you are ready to check out tonight as this is an outpatient procedure. Good, and here. That just states you will be keeping your name as part of your identity, Cris. Your parents will take you home now but just know that they fully expect you to finish up your senior year of high school, and they have been adamant that should you refuse to go to school, they can ask you to leave the house. They wanted me to remind you of this before they met you, okay?"
"Sure," Cris said. "Can I look at myself now?" He stood up and there was pain. He yelped out a few times as he crossed the floor to the bathroom the doctor pointed to.
"Here. Here are your new glasses," the doctor said, turning on the bathroom light.
And then, there he was. He looked up at the doctor, smiling down at him. His face was really up there! "I'm...I shrunk!" he said, and then looked back at his new wrinkled face, and it reeled in disgust from its own image. "And I'm old, oh my god, this is the most horrible thing to ever happen!"
"Well, I dunno about that. Might teach you a lesson in respecting the elderly. Living just a few years in their shoes. Think of it this way, you are giving Mr. Thaler an amazing experience for someone his age. He'll be able to go home and live life to the fullest. He's already agreed to take very good care of your body and put it through your same level of working out, staying fit, eating right. You did the same thing, only we'll have to teach you about your new fiber rich diet and the supplements a man your age should be taking. Also, stay away from anything bad for you. No smoking, drinking alcohol, or anything else you'd do in college will have to wait, okay?"
"But he gets to do anything he wants!"
"That was part of your plea deal with him. Mr. Thaler really wants to enjoy his newfound youth while he can."
"Can I see him, doc?"
"I'm afraid we don't let swapped bodies communicate with each other against their wishes. Mr. Thaler has made it clear he wishes no contact with you or your family at this time."
He'll just be living in his house, up to his tail in pussy! Cris thought bitterly.
"Alright. Well," the doctor laid a hand way down on my shoulder. I realized I was much shorter now. Thaler had been...only 5'2"! This was humiliating! This was sooo humiliating! Cris thought.
"Everyone's gonna be taller than me!"
"And a lot younger. But that's how these things work. Let Mr. Thaler enjoy the next few years and try to get through college."
"I can't go to college like this!"
"You'd be surprised by the amount of scholarships awarded to body swap recipients entering college. Many of them wind up with very interesting experiences at an early age. It's an intersectional thing oftentimes. You'll find a lot of people sympathetic in college who want to understand your experience and dialogue about it."
"How about high school?" Cris said bitterly, in his old man voice. I sound like a cranky old man! he thought
"Yikes. Yeah, that might be a little more difficult," the doctor joked. Cris didn't laugh.
Cris sat on the bed and flipped the TV on and mindless watched cartoons until his parents came in. He stood up only to have to look UP at his own mother! He outgrew her years ago and now he was a tiny shrimp of an old man!
His mother burst into tears.
"Mom, it's still me!"
"Jesus, you have really fucked up this time!"
"He lied, Dad! He pulled in front of me!"
"Don't you think I know that! Of course he did! He planned this but if you hadn't gotten a goddamn DUI that night, none of this would ever have happened. You made your mother cry!" Dad exaggerated with his hands to indicate his mother was crying.
"I'm sorry. I'll just...I'll try to make up for it."
"No. It's okay. I'm sorry. I should have been a better mother. I should have warned you something like this could happen. You hear it happening to other parents but you never think it will happen to you. That your son will be in trouble with the law and some older man, fat, or...unclean wants to party in my son's body! And now! Oh!" Mom started crying again.
"Come on, sport," Dad told his new 81 year old son. "Let's go home."
Back at home, Cris sat. He had a few days to get used to his new body, his new medications, his new symptoms that he always had to watch out for. He now had arthritis pains in his hands, hearing loss, terrible vision, a bad back, and he looked disgusting naked. He was so gross down there, he thought bitterly. And his penis...God his penis was barely a penis anymore! Only two inches long and he probably couldn't even get it up anymore. He'd have to look into Cialis and other boner pills!
It was already being handled at school that Cris go to the library during P.E. from now on. He would be excused for the last semester and his basketball and volleyball days were definitely over.
And he had to go back. And look everyone in the face.
In just three days. He laid on his bed and cried, hugging his old stuffed bear. He had so many dreams...no one would want to be his girlfriend now. No one! He was a walking embarrassment!
He wondered what would happen.