You proudly stand with your hands on your hips and a huge, toothy grin on your face. You're gonna do it, and prove it to them all! You're going to jump into the pool without floaties!
"Fibber!" Calls your little brother. He's already swimming without floaties, and your cheeks burn with jealos-wait, what? For some reason, you begin to feel a wave a nostalgia wash over you. Why would this feel nostalgic? Probably because you remember what is was like to be a wimpy kid relying on floaties-er...No, hold on-
Why are you here? You glance around. Is this... Your birthday party from when you were a kid? Which one was this... Maybe your eighth? You remember this birthday party relatively clearly. You vaguely remember a bright red snow cone with a candle sticking out the top. Right, this party was before it started feeling different. Back before your birthday stopped feeling like your birthday, back before Christmas was starting to feel a little bit less like Christmas... Back before your childhood started to fade away and the days started to pass by so quickly.
"What are you waiting for, chicken? See? He's a fib!" Your little brother points and shouts, and the other children in the pool start to laugh at you. You clench your fists and grit your teeth "I'm not a chicken! I'll show you!" You prepare to jump...
Wait-This party was when you-You remember this, more than any other childhood memory... You remember what this changed in you, what this did to you, when this ruined your life... This was back when everything went wrong. Back then, you jumped into the water and you sank like a rock. Your grandpa jumped in to save you but... His back gave out and-and he... Your dad left after that. Your dad just decided that since you took his father away, he's taking your father away. The relationship between you and your family never recovered. Your brother hated you. Your mother said that she forgave you, but she never treated you the same way again after that happened.
You hear your brother imitate the sound of a chicken, the "bock bock" shaking you away from memory lane. Why's he always got to be better than you? That brat learned to read first, got potty trained faster, learned to swim before you... You're older than he is! Why's he got to be so much better at everything!? You'll prove to him that your smart, that you learned to swim, that you're no fibber and you're no chicken. A determination overwhelms your fear of the water.
You scream like the characters in cartoons on TV, a victorious war cry of absolute certainty. Your feet leave the ground and for a moment you feel like a bird, like you were about to float into the sky and fly away. You felt like you could do anything, you felt powerful! Weightless and free, the wind blowing the hair off your face. You sport the biggest, surest grin you've ever had. This was your moment, your time; all of your life's happiness compressed into a single, joyous moment. Your feet reach out, you throw your arms up. The cold touches your toes and rushes up your legs as you fall into the water...
And sink like a rock.
You gasp as you wake up, almost surprised to find your lungs fill with air instead of water. Your bed was wet by sweat and... You wet your bed. Your eyes sting with tears, you choke back a sob.... Then you let it all out, crying like a little baby.
"Hey, kiddo, you alright?" Uncle Jack calls from outside your room. The door opens and he rushes in. "Uncle Jack!" You cry, sniffing "I-I had a dream about the party, about the pool and-I dr-" Your words break into more tears. Uncle Jack rushes to you and takes you into a great big hug "Shushushushush... It's alright, sport. You're fine. You didn't do anything wrong." The words 'you didn't do anything wrong' wash over you like a magical bliss, like they were addictive. Those were the words that you needed to hear. You needed to know that you weren't a bad kid, that you didn't-you didn't kill grandpa! Uncle Jack took you in after dad ran away and mom didn't love you anymore. He's the only person that could ever love a bad kid like you. Everyone else hates you.
Uncle Jack pats your back "Calm down, kiddo... I'm here for you, remember? I'd do anything for you." You remember uncle Jack when you first met him. He really liked you, more than he liked your brother. He said you were smart, said you were smarter than even your brother was! He said that you were mature, that you could agree to whatever you wanted. You're mature enough to do things that other kids aren't allowed to do, he said. "You're special, you're different", he said, as he pulled down your shorts.
Uncle Jack smiled "It's pretty early, but you wanna play? If it makes you feel better..." He pulled off your covers and sat on the bed with you, holding you close. It's nice when he holds you like that. Mom doesn't hold you like that anymore. You feel so safe.