I’ve been wanting to turn you into a Dalmatian puppy, MY Dalmatian puppy. I’m going to take you into the bedroom, close and lock the door and then order you to strip naked. Then, I’m going to put a collar and leash on you and lead you to the bathroom and sit you down by telling you to “SIT!”, your first command as a puppy, MY puppy.
Next, I’ll say “I know you’ve wanted to be a puppy for some time now right? And you’ve been waiting so patiently. Well....that’s good to hear because that’s just what I’m going to turn you into!”
Next, I pick up some hair clippers sitting nearby and say, “Let’s start with a nice short haircut.” I turn the clippers on. Their buzzing sound fills the room. “No guard”, I’ll whisper in your ear. I’ll then proceed to run the clippers all over your head, buzzing your hair down next to nothing. Then I’ll move down and buzz your facial hair off too. Then, without saying a word and with the clippers still running, I’m going to bring them right up to your temple and quickly drag them across your eyebrows erasing them from your face, surprising you. Then, I’ll grab your chin and force you to look up at me and say, “You won’t be needed those anymore. And they’re just going to get in my way later anyway.”
Then, I’ll grab a razor laying conveniently nearby and some shaving cream and proceed to lather up your entire head, face and eyebrows, or at least the tiny stubble that’s left of them. After slowly dragging the razor over every last hair on your head and face, I’ll say “There... now let’s do one more thing. I bring down an unmarked tube of cream. I slowly pull on a pair of latex gloves and then fill one palm full of the cream from the unmarked tube. I begin to slowly massage the cream all over your head, neck and face, every millimeter of it. The cream has a very strong odor and it begins to tingle at first. Slowly the tingling begins to warm and then burn. As the burning increases and you begin to wiggle, I quickly wipe all of the cream off of your head and face with a nearby towel.
“There now. That will take care of all of that pesky hair for quite some time now. No need to worry about it growing back any time soon. Now I have a nice blank canvas to start from!”