A curious phenomenon, one that still baffles countless doctors and scientists the world over, has been happening for the past twenty years: a small but slowly growing number of children hit puberty and instead of turning into young men and women like most, turned into clowns. This condition was first comprehensively studied in depth by Doctors Julia Hunter of John Hopkins Institute and Simon Adams of the Cooper clinic and has been variously called ‘Clown Syndrome’ or ‘Hunter-Adams Syndrome.’ Both names will be used interchangeably in this report.
The changes were not instantaneous, but happened slowly and gradually, as a normal part of adolescence. The first sign for girls was when they got their first period-instead of the usual bad odor their menstrual fluid would smell sweet, almost like cotton candy or bubblegum. More changes would follow and be noticed in boys who shared the condition. Their skin would either fade to a creamy white color or take a pinkish or orange tone with patches of white around the eyes and a white muzzle around the mouth. Markings of various colors mostly either red, blue or black, would appear on their faces and become more defined as they reached adulthood; many of them, mostly girls, would even enhance these features with cosmetics. Their lips would also change color, usually red but in some cases blue or clack and stretch into an almost permanent smile.
The hair and nails of these children would change into various colors of red, green yellow, blue or in some cases even multicolored. The hair would also thicken and become either straight and fluffy or very tightly curled. Of particular note was that with roughly half the boys, usually with a family history of baldness, their hairlines would recede until they were at least partially bald by the time they reached adulthood.
Of the boys with this condition, none would grow facial hair-although a number with white around their eyes and mouth would also have the skin around their muzzles turn dark black, almost resembling a beard. This was noticed in a handful of girls too, although it was less dark, almost like three o’clock shadow. This group would also normally retain their hair color, although it would typically darken into black, brown or sometimes even gray. More on that will be mentioned later in this study.
The most astonishing aspects, and what baffled researchers the most were the feet and noses. With the former, the feet would simply grow, slowly but surely into ridiculously long sizes, sometimes as big as twenty-eight or thirty.
With the latter, the change would start with a touch of red at the end of the nose that would spread over the cartilage section, and again, slowly but surely inflate into a prefect sphere, ranging in size from as small as a golf ball to as large as a tennis ball. When poked, prodded or squeezed, the nose would give off a sharp HONK like a bicycle horn.
A final word must be said, although it may offend certain people. Even the sexual organs are affected. The cap of a male clown’s penis and a female’s clitoritis turn bright red, and even inflate into round balls when sexually aroused. Their noses also seem to play a part in this, both in arousal and intercourse in way best felt to be discussed in another study.
The condition affects more than the physical appearance. It would affect their vocal chords in a well, comedic way for lack of a better term. Their voices became either higher or lower in a comical fashion and they would speak with a goofy lilt and involuntary jolliness. On impulse, they would punctuate their sentences with chuckles or giggles, typically ending with a honking of the nose. The changes in their bodies, especially the feet, made these children move in a rather comedic and exaggerated manner, creating a whole new clown-type body language.
As the years passed and the first subjects grew to adulthood, they have become integrated into their various societies remarkably well. It is not unusual to see clowns on the streets of cities and towns going about their daily routines interacting with ‘normal’ humans. They are divided into three main categories: the ones with white skins are known by the obvious name as whitefaces while the other two are divided into augustes, and hoboes/bag ladies respectively.
Their condition seems to have affected the various professions they chose. Many work as, well, clowns in circuses, birthday parties or various events, or elsewhere in the entertainment industry. Others, however, chose different paths. It is not unusual for instance to see hoboes working as janitors or garbage men or bag ladies as cleaning women. Augustes and whitefaces will ofton work in professions related to children, such as pre-school or kindergarten teachers, pediatric nurses or kid activity center supervisors. None as yet work in higher education, science, law enforcement, medicine, law or politics-despite jokes that they would fit in rather well.
And some chose careers to help with the needs of those who share their condition.
“We realized that most clown clothes were made for shows only,” said Jenny McClusky, a twenty something white face who with her auguste twin sister Sheryl founded their own line of clothing for those with Hunter-Adams. “We wanted make outfits that would be colorful and suit our unique appearance, but would also be durable and practicle for everyday wear.”
“We balance each other out real well,” chimed in Sheryl with a giggle. “Jenny handles most of the business and legal aspects our line, while I work with the tailors and designers to make sure they are silly but take the day to day wear of normal life.”
Natuarally, as the first generation of those with ‘clown syndrome’ grew up, they married-sometimes to other clowns, sometimes to non-clown humans. And there have been some rather unique cases, such as
Antha’miraj’allah, who as a little girl was arranged to be the third wife of a noted Yemini oil executive. We spoke with Antha at her husband’s villa; removing the veil from her rather colorful hajib revealed a very happy looking auguste clown.
“When my husband to be was told of how my sayil aldawrat alshahria smelled and that he would be marrying a clown, he and his other two wives were a bit shocked,” she said then added, “but since our wedding it’s been wonderful! I love it when he fondles this,” and she touched her big red nose, “and my alzawat alsharika(co-wives) have been most welcoming. And their children love having a clown for a zawjat al’ab! I watch over them while their mothers are at work; if I need their attention I just honk my nose and they come.
“I do think our society has some advantages for women with our condition. I g out in public, in a hajib as long as no one looks too close they can’t tell I’m a clown, as long as I resist the impulse to giggle or honk my nose. And if people do niotice, they laugh and hearing people laugh makes me happy.”
Several clowns since then has also had children that so far, appear perfectly normal. Scientists as yet have not been able to determine what causes Hunter-Adams, if it is hereditary or something that just randomly happens. Time will tell how this ‘clown syndrome’ will affect the human race and human society in generations to come.