Reading the paper, "We have added to your special pleasured time the extra benefit of becoming total animal of form. This can be instilled by continual self satisfactioning or otherwise put, masturbating. Once started the transfer can NOT be reversed, so if your sexual self has a surge, please follow that beastly urge, be sure to know that your will stay, one fat and happy piggy boar to your last dying day!"
A door opens to one side and in a fit of terror and panic you take short quick strides and head out that door.