I thought about how I would make it here. The idea of never masturbating again sounds so frustrating. It was Sunday and my parents were gone so I had some time.
I thought about who I might be able to try something with. I was a virgin, I'd dated a boy but the most I'd ever done with him was a handjob. To think that I'd never even do that. I'd never even touch someone's genitals agian, and I'll live and die without ever actually having sex. Never knowing what it feels like to have someone inside me.
There was a girl called Kate at my school who would fuck basically anyone. I had her number and was open to being with a girl. I realized that just from thinking about being with someone I was starting to touch my smooth crotch. It felt so strange touching that area but having nothing at all down there. I wanted so badly to feel some pleasure. But it felt just like rubbing any other part of my body.