In an alternative planet Earth, during the height of the 1950’s, a strange series of spacecrafts hovered around the Earth, claiming to come in peace. As the world governments deliberated on how to handle these strange “terrorists”, the alien visitors prepared their own delegation. In time, the United Nations were convinced of the visitors’ peaceful intentions, but the true intention of this visitation was soon revealed.
It was a hot summer’s day when the first declaration began, and when humanity would get their first look at extraterrestrial life. A small, Japanese styled space saucer descended upon Times Square in New York City that day amid dozens of television news cameras and reporters. As it landed gently to the ground, the ship opened up to reveal the alien ambassador within, to the awe and fascination of the onlookers. The alien was a round, pear shaped being with short and thick legs and a rather feminine appearance. Its skin was green and its noseless face was round and cartoonishly cute. It wore a shiny pink leotard over its jiggling, chunky body that did nothing to hide its massive hindquarters, but completely contained its heaving watermelon breasts. It wore a green belt around its belly with a strange little ray gun hanging from its holster. It had pink tentacles for dreadlocks, pink boots on its tiny feet, and pink gloves over its tiny hands. The alien creature waddled onto the stage set up for it, its fat form jiggling and wobbling as it went. As it came to the microphone, it cleared its throat with a feminine, cutesy voice.
“I offer my salutations to the planet Earth,” the creature began, “I am ambassador Zeeli 5782 of the planet Chubbese, a female fatty of 30 Earth years old. I come to you with peaceful tidings and great gifts from our planet to yours. We hope our gifts may save your planet from famine and cure your undernourished bodies.
“You see,” Zeeli explained, “We fatties travel the cosmos in search of worlds in desperate need of bulking up, as we find that fat people are more suited to intergalactic environments. D-don’t laugh! It’s true! You’re all as thin and sickly as a baobleen tree, which I must tell you is a rather thin tree indeed! I’m here along with my ambassadorial team to help you get to a healthy size and squishiness that will help you when you’re ready to join the intergalactic accord. Our gifts to you will help you become as fat and healthy as us, and not to mention cuter too!
“Of course, our research shows that your bodies don’t handle being fat as well as they’re supposed to,” she continued, “and that you suffer many disadvantages and health problems when you get big and squishy. We’ve documented heart and breathing problems, as well as digestive issues and all kinds of other problems, besides the fact your skeletons aren’t strong enough to support the proper weight. We’re here to alleviate those issues and help humanity adjust to their assent into galactic preparedness. This is our message of peace and love from the planet Chubbese, and our declaration of union between humans and fatties. We will make a chunky space-ready race of you yet!”