Max had honestly intended to go straight to his C++ class after leaving Mrs. Comstock’s office, but as he ventured farther and farther down the southern hallway, he found himself becoming increasingly interested in its bevy of unexplored classrooms. There was a flurry of activity going on behind each of the classroom doors and he could smell wonderful odors of pinewood and cupcakes drifting out into the hall that were triggering deep feelings of enjoyment and satisfaction. He couldn't help but peek through the windows to see what was going on. He was shocked to see how much equipment and resources the school had available to him that he'd never known about. There was a class full of ovens and stand mixers and lots of boys and girls cooking and decorating cupcakes. Max breathed in the warm aroma of the newly baked confections with a mix of contentment and longing. The next room's walls were covered with half completed paintings and its shelves were littered with crudely rendered ceramic figurines and what appeared to be parts of stained-glass windows in various states of assembly. It looked like students were currently working on a project involving papier-mâché. They all stood around their tables wearing smocks and plastering wet strips of newspaper over inflated balloons. It looked like a lot of messy fun!
The next classroom was empty, and the door was left propped open. Max peeked his head inside and didn’t see anyone around, so he stepped in to explore. The room was full of construction materials, industrial grade equipment, and hefty power tools. There were piles of half-finished projects that looked like partially assembled bits of deformed wood and steel. He couldn't really tell what anyone was working on specifically. Every project looked like it might eventually become some kind of cotton gin, but if it were his class, he would love to build a backboard for a basketball net. He could hang it next to his climbing wall and shoot baskets from his bed!
Max shook his head, not knowing where that thought came from. He didn't like basketball, he liked... Lacrosse... no, Hockey... Football?
*UGH!* Max thought in frustration. *I like other stuff... Not SPORTS!* Why couldn't he think of the stuff he knew he liked?
Max tried to squash his unwelcome thoughts and his growing interest in the 'basket weaving' classes as he turned to leave the shop classroom, but he was having a hard time shaking the notion that he really should try enrolling in one of these classes some time. He didn't really NEED his study period after all, and it wouldn't look any WORSE on his college application to have one or two goof-off courses. It might actually look kinda GOOD on his transcript. It would make him look more well-rounded... Besides, everybody in those classrooms looked like they were having so much fun…
“Hey Max,” came a girl’s voice from the hallway. Max recognized the girl as Renee Patterson from the cheerleading squad. She was wearing a flour dusted apron and was cleaning her hands with a wet rag. “Are you looking for Mr. Bardy?”
“Who?” Max asked, confused.
“Your shop teacher, Mr. Bardy?” She replied, trying to jog Max’s memory. “I saw you come out of the shop class, so I figured you must have been looking for him.”
“Oh, no,” Max replied with sudden realization. “I’m not in shop class. I was just having a look around; I’m supposed to be in C++ right now.”
“C++?” Renee asked with a giggle. “What’s that?”
“Uh, Computers,” Max admitted dumbly.
“Oh… Cool… I didn’t know you knew anything about computers...” She said with surprise and interest.
“Yeah, I should probably get to class… I’m running pretty late. The counselor kept me talking for a long time...”
Max started heading in the direction of his class when the girl suddenly called out from behind him.
“Wait!”
Max turned and saw Renee holding her arms together behind her back and twisting from side to side bashfully.
“Why don’t you ditch your class and come with me to Home Ec? I’m making a pineapple upside down cake. I’d love for you to have a slice… Mrs. Averly is home sick today, so Mr. Bardy is actually substituting for her, and you know how clueless he is; he’ll never notice that you don’t belong.”
Max didn’t even have time to weigh the merits of her proposal before the word “sure” escaped his lips and his body began moving to join her without his conscious control. Renee gushed with excitement and drew Max in with an arm wrapped gently around his waist and eagerly conducted him into her classroom.
Before Max knew what was happening, he found himself wearing an apron and sitting on a stool in front of a large mixing bowl while Renee was rooting around in a paper shopping bag and giggling and chatting with another girl that Max didn’t recognize.
“Why don’t you help out by opening this?” Renee suggested, producing a can of pineapple and a can opener from the paper bag.
Max accepted the items and did his best to do as she had asked, but he wasn’t entirely sure how to use a can opener and found himself fumbling awkwardly trying to get the can opener to grab the rim of the can.
“Having trouble, big guy?” The second girl teased in a friendly manner as she insinuated herself into the can-opening effort and demonstrated how it was done. “Most guys can at least open a can of fruit... I’m Kayla, by the way.”
“I’m Max,” Max replied, embarrassed by his complete lack of culinary skills. “I’ve never used a can opener before… I thought it was supposed to attach to the side of the can...”
“I see,” Kayla said with understanding. “Some can openers attach from the side, but this one goes on the top and cuts around the side of the rim. That way there aren’t any sharp edges.”
Kayla passed Max the partially opened can and he continued to twist the opener the rest of the way around its perimeter. Once the lid was fully detached, he pulled it away and inspected the unfamiliar contents.
“Just drain out the juice and pour out the pineapple.” Renee instructed.
Max did as he was told and marveled at the perfectly shaped pineapple tube that slid oddly out from the can. It was like nothing he’d ever seen before.
“Wow… that looks so weird!” Max exclaimed.
“You’ve never seen canned pineapple before?” Renee questioned doubtfully.
“No. My mom really believes in eating super clean… Fresh vegetables, fruit, tofu and stuff... My Dad used to use a can opener once in a while when I was a kid to make Sloppy Joes… My mom hated that, but it was pretty much the only thing he knew how to make… No pineapple.”
“I see; that makes sense,” Renee admitted with a chuckle. “I thought maybe it was a Canadian thing...”
“You’re Canadian?” Kayla asked with surprise.
The trio carried on with baking and chatting about themselves as the period went on. Max found himself acting unusually sociable with the girls, but he wrote it off as being due mostly to their own friendly personalities. Renee seemed especially friendly and bubbly towards Max, and at times, perhaps, even physically promiscuous… He found her hanging all over him at every opportunity. When she was standing behind him showing him how to work the mixer, he found her breasts resting on his shoulder and her arm snaking its way under his shirt and across his belly. He froze immediately not knowing how to react, but he was definitely enjoying it, and his growing erection was proof… He instinctively nestled his face into her side and smelled deeply. Her girly floral perfume was nice, but somehow antithetical to what his increasingly horny body was craving. His package slowly deflated as he tried to process his feelings. Was he attracted to this girl, or was it just the way she was touching him? Would he actually have sex with a girl? Maybe? But would she have to smell so… pretty?
Max shook his head violently trying to dismiss that line of thinking. *No!* He was demisexual, he reminded himself; he definitely wasn’t into girls! He was just interested in Seth because they’d grown so close over the years...
“The fuck are you doin’ here, Warner?!” Came a deep-timbered voice that Max found indescribably alluring.
Max looked up from his seated position to see the looming figure of Parker Ramero glaring down at him. Parker was every bit the physical equal of Seth and the two had a well-established rivalry in which Parker generally held a commanding lead. He was a brute and a bully who was only enrolled in the Home Ec class to creep on girls and score an easy ‘A’.
“Just baking a cake.” Max replied calmly, trying to sound innocent and friendly. “I had kind of a free period and -”
“You know he’s a homo, right, Renee?” Parker crowed with a sneer, making a small show of completely disregarding Max’s reply. “When are you gonna step up to the plate with a real man?”
“Shut up, Parker,” Renee replied with a huff, rolling her eyes.
“No, for real though… OH… Don’t tell me you didn’t know,” Parker continued with a jeering, mocking tone. “Damn, Renee… First Ronny from your cheer squad and now this sorry-ass punk from the QUEER squad? You’ve really got a knack for courting fairies! Better not reach too far up his shirt, unless you’re hoping to unhook his bra that is… After all, you are the girl in your relationship, aren’t you Max? I mean that’s how it works, right? Seth is the boy and you’re his limp-wristed little floozie? I’m serious, I’d like to know; I’ve always found that whole perverted lifestyle of yours really fucking entertaining.”
“Stop it, Parker!” Renee snapped angrily in a subdued hiss. She glanced worriedly towards Mr.Bardy, concerned he might overhear the disturbance.
“He’s not interested in you, babe. I’m telling you: he doesn’t like girls!” Parker continued, undeterred. “Go ahead, ask him yourself. That is, if his skanky dick-breath isn’t enough to convince you.”
Max’s head was spinning. He was being driven to levels of fury he’d never felt before, but his body and mind didn’t know what to do about the wildly conflicted thoughts that were whirling around his brain. Part of him was ready to lash out physically; to ball up his fists and belt Parker clean across the jaw and maybe follow it up with a clean downward kick to the right kneecap and once Parker was left slouched over on the ground, he would grab him by the throat and choke the life right out of HIM! Alternatively, he was equally driven to return the verbal assault in kind; he was no stranger to lobbing insults and he was sure he could give as good as he'd gotten. Another part of him was simply concerned with Renee’s feelings and wanted to assure her that it was all lies, but the unfortunate truth was he really WASN’T attracted to girls and never had been, regardless of whether or not he was actually gay. Another, more diplomatic voice inside him told him to take the high road and explain the reality of his attractions to everyone in a civil and cogent manner. In the face of all these warring ideas he stood paralyzed, unable to move or say a word.
Renee observed Max’s distressed and overwhelmed demeanor and noted that he hadn’t simply denied the claim that he wasn’t attracted to girls, so she knew it had to be true, making her course of action clear.
“That’s enough, Parker,” Renee began with conviction. “I really don’t care who or how he loves. Max is a nice guy and we’re enjoying our time together so you can just leave!”
“Come on, babe, you owe me a chance,” Parker replied, putting on some amount of false charm. “We’d be perfect together. You’re a hot cheerleader; I’m the star of the football team. We’re meant for one another.”
“Ew!” Renee exclaimed, turning her attention back to her baking and hoping Parker would just give up.
“Don’t turn away from me...” Parker lowered his voice threateningly, grabbing Renee by the wrist. “I said you owe me a chance! That means you can either let me take you to homecoming, or you can explain to Mr. Bardy why you snuck a boy into class and started feeling him up right under his nose like a dirty little slut! How do you think that’s gonna end for you? Would you be suspended? Kicked off the volleyball team? Kicked off the cheer squad? Branded a slut and a whore forever? What would your parents think? What would your church friends think? We’re talking social suicide, babe, and you’d be taking your little gal-pal Maxy down with you...”
“Ow! You’re hurting me!” Renee cried louder than she’d intended. That was all it took for Max’s paralysis to wear off. He started to jump up, ready to beat Parker within an inch of his life.
“What’s going on back there?” Mr. Bardy questioned sternly as Max rose to confront Parker.
“It’s nothing,” Parker stated innocently. “We were just making plans for Homecoming when Renee’s finger got pinched in the bowl-lift. She’s going to be my date… My Homecoming Queen… Right babe?”
“...Yeah... That’s right. Everything’s fine,” Renee stated unenthusiastically. She turned to Max and gestured for him to stand down. He was reluctant but respected her handle on the situation and backed down, folding his arms and glaring daggers at Parker.
“Alright everyone,” Mr. Bardy called out solemnly. “I want you each to stop what you’re doing for a moment and review the safety guidelines for your stations. Pinch points are a serious mechanical hazard that can result in injuries ranging from minor blisters to crushed extremities. Remember, your stand mixers are NOT toys, they are tools with dangerous moving parts. You can easily end up with mangled limbs and serious burns in an instant if you do not remain fully aware of your surroundings and maintain proper respect for your equipment at all times…”
Parker quietly retreated with satisfaction back to his own table and started messing with his phone under the table while Mr. Bardy continued lecturing the class on safety rules for what seemed like a ridiculous amount of time, insisting that the girls all put up their hair and remove any jewelry to prevent entanglement hazards, before quizzing random students on obscure safety trivia, like identifying the proper class of fire extinguisher to use on a grease fire. Renee, Kayla and Max drew disgruntled looks from the entire class for pushing Mr. Bardy’s ‘SAFETY’ button, which was the one thing that could turn him from placid laissez-faire observer to vigilant domineering tyrant, if only temporarily and seeming just for show… Eventually he backed down from his soapbox and returned to his desk and eased back into a posture of total indifference.
“You’re not seriously going to Homecoming with that guy, are you?” Max questioned quietly as the class began to bustle back to normal.
“No way!” Renee assured him. “I’m just going along with it until the end of class… Once you’re gone, nobody is even going to remember you were here, then I can call the whole thing off.”
By the end of class, the three had produced a perfectly delectable pineapple upside down cake with a light brûlée finish to accentuate the caramelized fruity syrups that saturated its glistening surface. Mr. Bardy named it his favorite out of all the cakes and cupcakes produced that period and awarded it with an A+ grade. Of course, Mr. Bardy was especially partial to pineapple and everyone else’s projects received A+ grades as well, but the three students still felt proud of the accomplishment.
The instant the bell rang, the entire class piled out of the room while Renee hung back, still hanging on Max for a few final moments.
“Thanks for skipping your computer class, Max,” Renee said bashfully. “It didn’t turn out like I’d expected, but I really enjoyed spending time with you... I’ll see you at the game tonight at Baycliff high school! We should hang out if you have time. Let’s exchange numbers so we can meet up.”
Max got out his phone and entered Renee’s contact info and shared his own with her, and with a final farewell they went their separate ways.