You are directed to a small exam room.
A short, beer bellied, balding, black-bearded man wearing a lab coat and stethoscope walks in with forms.
“Hello, I’m Dr. McArt. I understand you want to take part in our hair re-growth tests. Now, we will be injecting you with a new trans-gene therapy serum that should put some hair back on your head. Just sign these forms and we can begin.”
Dr. McArt hands you the forms and you scan through them. You don’t understand what most of it meant, but you got the idea that they had isolated certain hair genes and are testing their ability to re-grow hair. You see genus Ursus and species americanus, but it doesn’t mean anything to you since you flunked science. You do notice that there’s a $5,000 stipend for your cooperation in the testing payable at the end of the testing period. You happily sign all three forms and the doctor smiles.
“Very good Mr.?”
“Mr. Jones.” You lie.
“Yes, Mr. Jones.” He goes to the refrigerator in the room and takes six hypodermic needles and sets them on a tray. The liquid is clear. He takes a cotton ball and applies some rubbing alcohol on it. He tells you to bend your head forward so that the top of your head is pointing toward him. You do as you’re told and he swabs your bald spot with the alcohol.
Then, he says, “This is going to sting a bit, but it’s our hope it will re-grow your hair.”
He takes the first of the six syringes and injects the liquid into your scalp. The others follow quickly until in six spots on your bald spot are filled with the serum. There’s a slight tingling on your scalp and you mention this to the doctor. He tells you it’s because the serum is cold.
Then he says, “Come back in a week.”
A week later you come back. You’ve got hair beginning to fill in your bald spot, but your body and facial hair seem to have increased as well, you guess this is a side effect but it doesn’t bother you. You’ve always wanted to grow a beard, but until now you haven’t been able to. The other thing you notice is that your muscles seem a bit sore and that began about two days after being injected with the serum. You rub your dense, dark, week old stubble and the nurse calls your name. You’re shown to the same exam room. You wait for about ten minutes and Dr. McArt walks in.
The doctor seems to have taken some of his own serum, his bald head has about as much hair growth on it as yours does.
He smiles at you and says, “I see the serum seems to be working.” As he shakes your hand. He asks you to bend your head toward him and he inspects your former bald spot. He makes a couple of notes on a chart and asks, “Now, have you experienced any noticeable side effects from the Ursus Magna formula?”
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