Still carrying the two drinks (I didn't intend
to be delayed for long), I followed Doug to
a quiet room upstairs. It was a spare
bedroom. Why he had chosen this, I
couldn't imagine. He always was one for
elaborate ritual. I just hoped to get this
over with soon.
The music was chest-thumpingly loud, so
I didn't object when Doug shut the door
behind us. After all of this, I definitely
wanted to hear what he had to say, if only
for the laughs I would get out of it later.
"So what is it?"
"Well," he said, "I guess you know I
always thought that you somehow tricked
Danny to leave me," he started.
I rolled my eyes. "You know we didn't even
MEET until a month after you broke up."
"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, I guess I always
wondered what you had that I don't, you
know?"
"No," I said through gritted teeth. Where
was this going?
"I mean, you are taller than I am, true, but
you're not any better looking."
I was so irritated that I didn't see him take
out his handheld computer. It was just
suddenly in his hands, and he was
fiddling with it.
"This better be going somewhere."
"It is. It's going somewhere really fast.
Because you aren't any better looking
than I am. You're not smarter. And now
you're not even taller."
This last corresponded with a great lurch
in my body. Despite myself, I sloshed
both of the drinks I was holding out onto
the light carpet. I wrote it off to my fury at
the direction this little tete-a-tete had
taken.
"What the hell is this about, you fucker?
What are you talking about? I may not be
better than you at some things, but I can
still beat the hell out of you."
"No, you can't."
Another odd lurch, as if I'd been walking
and tripped down a stair. Both of the
glasses crashed to the floor. Bob would
be furious, I thought, but then I noticed
that my sleeves covered my hands.
"Doug . . . what?"
My pants fell down. Horrified, I grabbed at
their waist, looking reflexively up at Doug
before I realized that I was looking directly
into his stomach.
I screamed! I'm sure it was as loud a
noise as a human my size could make,
but unfortunately "my size" is the key part
of that concept. I was small somehow,
and getting smaller. And the music was
so loud . . .
"What the hell is happening?"
Doug grinned. Even from below (maybe
especially from below) he looked like a
lunatic. "Let's just say that, where Danny's
concerned, I'm in and you're on your way
out."
"You stay away from Danny!" I yelled, but I
was by then below his crotch level. Terror
made me turn around and flee, but I was
so tangled up in the ridiculous tents I had
been comfortably wearing only a minute
before. I fell, sprawled across the floor. By
the time I got up, shrugged my way
naked, I was smaller still, not able to
reach the doorknob. Still, I ran to the door,
began to beat furiously on it, but the
sounds were lost in the stereo's
percussion. Outside, I could hear
laughing and the animated conversation
of normal people having a good time.
Here, only a few feet away, I was
undergoing the most horrifying and
bizarre situation anyone could imagine.
"Help! Help me!"
"Too little, too late," said Doug. His
footsteps behind me shook the floor, and
I reluctantly turned around to find myself
eye-level with his shin.
Nearly insane with horror, I collapsed and
curled into a ball. By the way the carpet
rubbed across my body, I could tell I was
still contracting. For a brief moment, I
thought wildly I might never stop
shrinking, that Doug had found some
maniacal way of erasing me from
existence, but then, suddenly, I did. I was .
. .