The following is a text log of an interview with Entity 665-4, conducted by Agent Autumn.
Interview was conducted in person, and recorded on a concealed audio recorder.
Audio transcribed by clerk Paine, pending approval and input from Agent Autumn. Transcript may not be wholly accurate to original audio.
RECORDING BEGINS
Agent Autumn: [clears her throat] "Now, then. Well, should we start with your name? What would you like to be called?"
Entity 665-4: "It's Saffy! You know I'm Saffy!"
Agent Autumn: "Yes, very well. But does the name "Dr. Hoffman" mean anything to you?"
Entity 665-4: [huffs] "Yeah, I used to be Doctor Baldy. But that was so lame! Hey, look, what's that on your-"
Agent Autumn: "What?"
[unidentified sound, commotion, something drops to the floor]
Entity 665-4: [laughs]
Agent Autumn: "Yes, very amusing."
Entity 665-4: [laughing continues] "I was wondering how long it would take you to notice!"
Agent Autumn: "And this is how you like to conduct yourself these days?"
Entity 665-4: "Con-what myself?"
Agent Autumn: [sighs] "You enjoy doing things like this?"
Entity 665-4: "Yeah! Duh!"
[long pause, punctuated by a giggle from Entity 665-4]
Agent Autumn: "Now you may or may not remember, but you and I were co-workers here for many years. Do you remember our time working together?"
[sounds of fluttering]
Agent Autumn: "Now- Please get down from there- Yes, good. Stay seated."
Entity 665-4: "Do I remember?"
Agent Autumn: "Yes, do you remember our time-"
Entity 665-4: "Yeah I do, but that's when I was that creepy old baldy. I used to like all that reading and science stuff."
Agent Autumn: "You remember yourself being that way?"
Entity 665-4: "Yeah, but-" [trails off]
[unidentified sound, fumbling or fidgeting]
Agent Autumn: "Please stop-" [pause] "Thank you."
Entity 665-4: "Old me was boring. I don't want to talk about that. Here, hold this!"
[sound of squeaky toy being squeezed three times]
Agent Autumn: [clears throat] "No thank you, um-"
[sound of paper being unfolded and placed on a flat surface]
Agent Autumn: "Do you remember this?"
Entity 665-4: "This old paper?"
Agent Autumn: "Yes it's a- careful with that. It's a letter that you wrote to me, many years ago, when you were working very far away."
Entity 665-4: "That's a lot of words!"
Agent Autumn: "Can you read it?"
Entity 665-4: [huffs] "Umm... To my dear [REDACTED], how lo- long, has it been sin- since our last cor- corre-"
Agent Autumn: "You don't need to read it out loud, just- just tell me if it means anything to you."
[long pause]
Entity 665-4: "I can't read a lot of these words, but this looks boring. Do you have any video games?"
Agent Autumn: "Now, we do have evidence that agents- that is, humans who are transformed into- well, like you, can, well, still retain their old personalities."
Entity 665-4: "Are you talking about miss [imitates french accent] don't do this, don't do that? Agent Snooty?"
Agent Autumn: "Agent Monet, yes. Do you think any part of your old self remains? Please read the letter again, tell me if you feel anything when you read it."
Entity 665-4: "Do I have to? I wanna play! Come back to the playroom and play with us!"
Agent Autumn: "Please."
[long pause, sound of paper crinkling]
Entity 665-4: [sighs] "I don't know, I don't get it. It seems kind of boring and sad."
Agent Autumn: "Nothing?"
[long pause]
Entity 665-4: "Hey, why so sad? Look, there's something on your head! Let's play a game!"
Agent Autumn: "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I- I-"
Entity 665-4: "I used to get sad all the time too until I got turned into an imp! You should join us too! Look! Look at what I can do!"
Agent Autumn: "I don't think I can continue this-"
[sound of something being placed on a flat surface]
Entity 665-4: "Ooh, is that a recorder? Are you recording this?"
[sound of fumbling with audio device]
Entity 665-4: [incredibly close to microphone] "My name is Saffy! I'm the best imp, and the best at video games! I'm really good at puzzles too, and I-"
Agent Autumn: [distant] "Please give that back."
Entity 665-4: "No way! Keep-away!"
[sounds of fluttering, then fumbling with fabric or leather]
Entity 665-4: "Whee, I can fly! And I'm naked! Look, I can make the recorder fly too! Try and catch- oops!"
[loud crash, recording ends abruptly]