Rick looked up and noticed Rusty prancing back toward the bench on which he sat with Kathy. He looked further for Max…but no dog was there.
“Where’s Max?” Rick jumped up, looking towards the bushes for his pet/friend.
“Oh gosh,” Kathy said. “I hope he hasn’t run away.” She got up herself, and started walking over towards the bushes where Rusty had appeared. “I’ll help you find him. I should have never distracted you.”
“God, yes please.” Rick was starting to breathe heavily. He couldn’t believe he’d lost track of his best friend. The three of them ran over to where they thought Max had run off to. “Why would Max run off without me?”
As they ran, the van carrying Max passed on the road behind them. It was heading straight for Animal Control.
—
“Got a shepherd for you here, boss.” A brawny man pulled Max through the door of the city building. “Purebred too, by the looks of it. Shame his owner couldn’t keep a handle on him.”
Max was yipping and jumping, distressed at his predicament. He was frazzled to the point that his animal side needed out, even though his human brain knew there was no getting out of the metal cord around his neck. In fact, every time he jumped, it just hurt him more.
“Woah, buddy,” a new man in front of him said, calmly. He wore a white coat and had thick glasses. “He’s a rowdy one, eh?”
“Yeah, he is,” the catcher explained. “Caught him out in the middle of the street near the park, playing off any leash with another dog. Was gonna get that one too, but it ran off through some bushes.”
“You didn’t try to find his owner,” the lab coat asked, kneeling down to try and get a hold of Max.
“There was no owner from what I could see,” the catcher explained.
“Ah. All right.” The lab coat man finally held Max in his arms and started to pet him gently. “That’s all right, boy. Let’s get you checked in and make sure you’re healthy. I’m sure if your owner doesn’t show, we can find you a good home.”
Max barked and then whined. He had a home already! The one he owned! He didn’t need a dog check up! He needed to run free for the little time he had left before he turned back.
The lab coat grabbed a hold of Max’s collar and read his name. “Well, it does look like he’s owned. At least, at one point. Let’s see if I can find a chip.”
“Am I good to take off, boss.” The catcher spoke up, already grabbing the keys from his pocket.
“Yep, just make sure you’re only taking strays off the street, Han.” The lab coat spoke like this was a recurring issue. “I have a feeling this little guy is gonna bring another disgruntled owner through our doors.”
The catcher snickered as he walked off. “Just doing my job.”
The lab coat led Max over to an examination table and hooked him up by his neck to a pole. It kept him standing and with very little room to move. Then, he grabbed a little device and held it up to Max’s shoulder blades. It gave a little beep, and then a longer beep. The man tried it again in a slightly different spot, with the same exact sounds.
“That’s frustrating,” the lab coat said. “Your owner neglected to have you chipped. You’ve got to be at least one or two years old. I wonder what else they’ve forgotten.”
“Of course,” Max realized, “he’s giving me the runaround like I’m a real dog.” The human part of him laughed. This would be a great story for Rick once he was turned back. He only hoped that he’d be found before then.
“I suppose we will just have to fill in the blanks later,” the man said to himself. He sat down at a computer. “Name: Max. Owner: blank. “Breed: German Shepherd (unconfirmed). Your owner will have to pay for that expensive DNA sequencing if they want. Vaccination record…well, I suppose we will have to run a few tests to see what antibodies you have. We can fill that in later.”
Max was just panting now. He was bored with this. The thrill of being caught had led to what? A man talking to himself in a city vet’s lab while they waited for Rick to pull up and get him out of there.
Then Max heard another short beep from the wand. This time it was followed by a few other short beeps.
“Looks like we got this chip registered!”
Before Max could comprehend what was happening, the vet was wiping down a portion of his back with a cool alcohol wipe. Max whined as the man began pinching the skin behind his shoulder blades. He could feel a device pressed into his skin and then a brief sting.
“Good boy,” the vet said. He kept the device there for a few minutes, and then pulled it out. “You’re chipped now! Now we’ll at least have some record of you being here.”
Max couldn’t believe it. He’d just had an information chip put in his back. He’d been registered as a dog against his will, with his real name and everything. His human mind was sharp now, as he realized his day of jovial fun as a dog had just become very serious.
“All right, now down to the brass tacks,” the vet continued. “Let’s do a blood panel to see what vaccinations you need, and then we’ll get you snipped for the shelter.”
Max froze. What did he say? Snipped? As in…
The dog began to whine and wail, then bark repeatedly. He bucked against his restraints, trying to get loose, but only hurting his neck in the process.
“Boy! Max! What’s gotten into you?” The vet tried to pet Max’s neck, but found it difficult to be near such loud barking. “You were so calm a moment ago. Maybe it is best that you be neutered if your behavior oscillates so wildly. No amount of dog DNA is worth an unruly pup.”
Max heard the vet’s comment and began to whine. He couldn’t be neutered. That’s not why he was a dog. He was supposed to be chasing balls right now, not losing his!
The vet pulled out a string of vials and a needle. Max could see his fate in the line of these containers. Each one would be given a few drops of blood to test for something. And once they were filled, he’d be prepped to be fixed.
—
Rick had searched frantically up and down the park, and then in the surrounding neighborhood, calling for his friend.
“Max! Max!”
Kathy called too, and Rick was glad for her help. Eventually however, the searching was proving fruitless, and they had to consider other options.
“He could have been picked up by someone,” Kathy said. “Maybe they are posting on Facebook now. You can surf the local lost and found pages?”
“You’re right,” Rick said. His hands were shaking. He thought of the worst that could happen if Max was picked up by some nice family. If he didn’t find him soon, Max would turn back to a human. Whatever family had found him would surely be surprised when they got an eyeful of a naked man in the place where a dog once was.
“Someone could have taken him to the shelter, too.” Kathy shifted on her feet. “They have a pretty strict CNR policy, so at least you’d have that taken care of.”
“A what?” Rick said, looking up from his phone.
“CNR. Catch, Neuter, Release. Most places it’s just for cats, but I had a friend who lost her pup and she came back fixed. Little chihuahua, they were pretty angry when they found out she’d been traumatized like that. Shakes even more now than before.”
Rick’s head was spinning. What if Max was at the pound? The possibility made his head hurt. If anything, he had to make that his first priority, just in case. If he turned back naked on the street or in someone’s home, that would be a much different issue than if he turned back without his balls.
“I gotta go,” Rick said to Kathy. “I’m heading there first.” With that, he started to run back home for his car.
“Okay! I’ll keep checking online. You’re on Facebook, right?”
—
“All right,” the vet said. “Let’s get you sedated.” The vet had finished retrieving the samples and was ready to take Max over for his procedure.
Max was whining so hard now. He was in for it. He was about to lose his balls. He’d be neutered as a dog. A worse nightmare than he’d ever experienced was coming true.
“Don’t worry puppy,” the vet assured. “You won’t feel a thing. I’ll also numb you up a great deal down there. When your balls are gone and everything is healed up, you’ll have less urges and it’ll be easier to run… Trust me boy.” The vet stopped and stared off into space. “Why do I always talk to these pets like they’re people?”
While Max appreciated the communication, he was horrified by what the vet was saying. Was this it? Were these the last moments before he was condemned to spend the rest of his life as a eunuch?
He didn’t have much more time to contemplate before the vet placed a dog sized gas mask over his snout. “You’re a good boy, Max.” The vet petted him calmly. “It will all be over soon.”
—
Rick had called the pound twice. They had no record of any German Shepherds named Max having been booked.
“Can you check again? I need to be one-hundred percent sure. I know you have some kind of…policy. I can’t have you doing that to my dog.”
“First of all,” the lady over the phone retorted gruffly, “if we did have your dog, you’d have little choice in the matter. By the time they get to us, they’ve had vaccinations and procedures done. Second, we don’t have your damn dog. I recommend you look elsewhere, Sir.”
Rick could tell she was ready to hang up, but she had said something that caught his attention. “Wait, where are they before they come to you?”
She sighed, coughing up some flem. “The city is in charge of animal control and has a small processing clinic at their building. I think it’s within city hall?”
“Oh my goodness! Thank you!” Rick hung up the call before she could respond. He knew where he had to check next.
—
Max was still partially lucid as the vet began to disinfect himself and pull on rubber gloves. He had turned Max onto his back so his legs would be splayed open and provide easy access to his bits.
“All right,” the vet said, holding up a bottle of disinfectant. “Let’s make sure you don’t get an infection. He proceeded to spread iodine all over Max’s groin area, ensuring that his ballsack was liberally addressed.
Max could feel as his dog balls were being fondled by the vet. His human mind wanted to wretch, he couldn’t come to terms with what was about to happen. He felt as his sheath was being taped to his stomach to keep it safe from being caught up in the cutting that was just around the corner.
“A couple minutes to let that disinfectant do it’s work…” The vet watched the clock while prepping some syringes. After a few moments, he wiped Max’s balls slightly to get the excess iodine off. “Now to numb you up…”
Max was too hazed to make any noise, but he wanted to start yipping as he felt the pinch of the needle going into his sack. A similar pinch on the other side, and any touching the vet was doing was not felt. His groin was numb now. He wouldn’t feel anything of what came next.
The vet was silent now as he pulled out a knife. “Time to make the first incision.”
Max’s fate was sealed. He heard a loud bang as the door to the operating room flew open.
“There’s a guy up front to see you, boss,” said the burly catcher from earlier.
“Tell him I’m in the middle of something and I’ll be out in two snips,” the vet replied.
“He says if you do that, he’ll wring your neck and string you up on the flagpole.”
Max was not in a position to look at the action taking place above him, but he could sense as the vet placed his scalpel down on his tray and took off his gloves.
“This guy better be loaded,” the vet said. He gave Max's head a pat. “I’ll be right back.”
–
Rick found himself arguing with the city worker at the front desk. He’d been told several times that the vet was busy. He had to stop him from being any busier. Whatever he was doing back there was the exact thing he needed to stop.
“He’s notified us he’s in an operation,” the woman said. “He can speak with you when he’s…”
“There are not going to be any operations today!” Rick huffed. He was acting angry, but deep down, he was scared. “Get him out here now!”
Finally, after enough yelling, the vet came out. He was scrubbed up and took off his latex gloves as he turned the corner.
“It seems that you’re the owner of…” The vet was cut off.
“If you’ve done anything to Max, I’m gonna…”
“I heard you threatened physical violence against me,” the vet interrupted. “You do realize that the policy station is right next door.”
“Look,” Rick said, trying to focus on the situation. He saw the man’s name tag. “Eric. I had to get you out here somehow. I’m aware of your…policies, and I can’t have you making any…alterations to Max. It was an honest mistake. He got away from me at a park, and…”
“And could have bitten someone, gotten a dog pregnant…” the vet replied. “And that’s Dr. Talio to you.”
“Dr. Talio.” Rick switched to trying to butter up the man. He decided to lie for the first time. “The truth is, this is my brother’s dog. I was just taking it out for some fresh air.”
“And now your brother is going to get a free dog check-up,” Eric retorted. “Something he should have been on top of already, considering how old the pup is. Has Max even had any of his vaccinations?”
“I’m not sure,” Rick said.
“Well he will be well taken care of, and in a few hours, you’ll be welcome to take him home.,” Eric started to turn to the door. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I want to make sure that I can finish neutering Max before the anesthetic wears off.”
“Wait!” Rick tried to position himself in front of the door. “If my brother gets his prized breeding pup back without balls, he’ll sue you for all your worth.”
“Yes, and he’ll be going up against an entire city and their air-tight policies,” Eric replied, getting visibly more frustrated. “Pardon me.”
“No! I’ll…I’ll pay!” Rick pulled out the cash that Max had left him from a grooming session. “How much to get this dog off your operating table.”
“Two-thousand dollars.” Erick spoke without hesitation.
Rick realized right then what the game was all about. It was either Max’s balls or Rick’s wallet. Shaking his head, Rick pulled out his credit card. “Where do I swipe?”
–
Max was completely zonked on the sad car ride home. As Rick drove, he thought about how lucky he was that the worst hadn’t happened. Well, besides Max getting hit by a car or something. They would definitely be hashing this out for a while before either of them would be turning on the Chronivac again. And of course, Rick would be passing the debt he’d just racked up onto Max. It was the least he could do after ensuring Max left that building fully intact.
The rest of the day was spent from the safety of home. Max wasn’t able to enjoy his new body with how drugged he still was. Rick made sure to take a picture of the sleepy boy on the couch and send it to Kathy, who was happy to hear that Max was safe. What was Rick going to tell Kathy about Max if they ever met up again? Obviously Max wasn’t going to be a dog enough to keep up a dog-walking friendship with her.
Soon, Max’s time had run out. In sixty seconds, he morphed from German Shepherd to human. He remained calm the whole time, and as each feature shifted, Rick realized that Max was asleep as it was going on. Soon, his naked friend with a dog collar on was laying on his couch.
Rick nudged Max, trying to wake him up. “Max, you’re back. Wake up.”
Finally, after a bit of shaking, Max started to groan. “Rick…mmmm.” He looked up at this friend, and then in a moment of shock looked down at his groin. Worry turned to relief as Max realized he was still intact. He began to poke at this groin.
“I’m still so numb down there,” Max replied, fondling his balls for a few moments.
“Yeah, well, we need to talk about that,” Rick said, getting ready to start a conversation about running away, rules, paying him back…
Instead, Max looked up at Rick with what could only be described as puppy dog eyes. “I was so scared. I thought I was gonna get it…” Then, Max started to bawl. He wrapped his arms around Rick’s legs and just sobbed.
Rick was not expecting this. He stood by his couch, his nude, straight best friend crying into his pants feeling rather awkward. He gave Max a few pats on the head.
“There, there,” Rick said, as if he was comforting a child. “Everything worked out. You are here, safe, sounds, put-together. Testosterone flowing through your veins.”
This got Max to chuckle. “I almost lost my fucking balls, Rick. I was gonna be a eunuch for the rest of my life.
Rick shook his head at the obvious fallacy. “Well, yes, it would have been bad. I don’t think I realized this until I had you home, but we do have the Chronivac. We could have just given you new balls.”
Max looked up at Rick perplexed. “Oh, so you just wanted me to get snipped?”
“Obviously not. That’s why I paid thousands of dollars to make sure they didn’t do anything to you. I can only imagine how humiliating and painful that would have been. Not to mention traumatizing. I mean…just being a dog having your balls taken off. I can’t imagine who would ever want that.”
“Uh, yeah,” Max replied. “About that though.” He tried to stand, and was able to after a few attempts of remembering how to walk as human. He wobbled comically as he was still under the effects of the drugs. “If I remember correctly, I didn’t get out completely unscathed.” He turned his back to Rick and asked, “do you see anything…”
“Between your shoulder blades,” Rick said. “I see a little puncture wound. What did they do?”
“I’ve been dog-chipped,” Max said, turning back around. “It seems I have a little trophy from today.”
Rick and Max stared at each other for a few moments. What had they gotten themselves into?