"Welcome to Old Life For New Living Objects. Has society failed you? On the run from the police? Dreams shattered? We don't ask questions. We only provide a service. Welcome to our humble center.
"Who you were before doesn't matter. Please don't give your name. It'll have no meaning soon enough. Just sign here, and here, and here, yes yes I know what I said about names having no meaning sorry. But we need to legally confirm you are doing this of your own free will and understand the consequences of your agreement. You will be an object animated by a soul. You will have no sense of personhood nor humanity. You'll have a consciousness and the ability to think of ways to overcome problems and give opinions when asked and act on your own when it doesn't conflict with the SPIRIT of your owner's intentions nor the SPIRIT of your function. So you can't rule lawyer your way around things. Not that you'll care. Your function will be your reason for living! You'll be legally protected from being tossed out or intentionally damaged. You are a very precious and perishable resource after all. All proceeds go to the charity or cause of your choice. Now just through the door of your choice, and you can get on the magic, yes magic, don't be thick, and magical transformation sequence, all automated, and you'll be teported from our pocket universe factory to someone who has already paid for your service. Your sexual service according to Congress is the one act of agency you will still have a legal right to. Otherwise, you'll be an object with all the rights of one, and love it. Don't worry about your clothes, you won't really be wearing those anymore. The vast majority of our objects are 'nudists.'
"Just pick your door."