I'm so tired of love songs, tired of love songs
Tired of love songs, tired of love
Curtis trudged into his room and dumped his bag before flopping onto the bed. Fortunately Shro was in class so he could pout in peace and quiet. He appreciated the efforts his friends were going through to help make sure he was OK, but at the same time he was feeling a little smothered. Well, maybe not quite that far, but he just wanted some time to himself to bask in his misery. It was comfortable. And he didn't have to feel like the third or fifth wheel since all of his friends seemed to be couples now. Not that he wasn't happy for them. But God Damnit!
He pulled out his phone and took care to avoid tapping on the text messages from Todd and Dare, who were both offering a distraction for the evening. He didn't want to accidentally mark them as read because then he'd have to respond and he didn't want to be social right now. Especially since he was likely going to be guilted into playing more Ultimate Frisbee since it was Wednesday. Even if he had conflicting feelings about seeing Jackson again. It was time to stealth sulk. Sorry, Curtis can't come to the phone right now.
The dog hesitated before flipping to his text conversation with Ollie. He read and re-read the most recent text messages between them. This had been his private ritual since his sheep had left; something he'd do when no one was looking. Initially he'd watched the three dots that indicated Ollie was typing, but no message had come and even the dots had disappeared in the last couple of days. Today there was still nothing. He sighed and felt stupid for torturing himself like this. He wasn't a masochist, so why was he doing this to himself?
Did the lack of dots mean that Ollie had crossed back over? If so, why could he still remember him? Or was this some fucked up situation in which the sheep would be able to forget him but he'd be doomed to suffer? What the fuck? He growled and bit into his pillow, shaking it back and forth until he felt a bit better. He couldn't stop himself from flipping over to his camera roll.
Ollie's face littered the albums on his phone in various states of change. His stupid dumb adorable dumb kissable sheep dumb fucking face. In his work hat and apron, studying with Dare, at lunch, at dinner, at breakfast, in front of the dorm, showing off his coffee, fixing his botched haircut...a picture of the two of them kissing...
Hurts like heaven, lost in the sound
Buzzcut Season like you're still around
Can't unmiss you, but I need you now
Curtis flipped back to the text conversation with Ollie. If he really was gone then fuck it. It's not like it would matter anyway, right?
'Why did you have to go and leave me?'
He acted so quickly that he didn't even consider what might happen if Ollie hadn't crossed yet. FUCK. He was an IDIOT. What if Ollie saw that text? What if he responded? He panicked and threw his phone across the room and buried his head under his pillow. His ears were peeled for the telltale sound of buzzing as he cussed himself out.
Seconds then minutes passed without incident so he relaxed a bit. So that's it then. Ollie's gone for good. Surely he would have responded if he still remembered him, right? Right? ...right? He felt like he was going crazy and it wasn't a good look.
Curtis groaned and finally willed himself out of hiding. He was done being a bitch about things. No more of this bullshit. Time to move on. He hadn't come to college to get a boyfriend. He came to college to...he came to college to...
He came to college to learn everything he could about music so he could become the best music producer possible. No more distractions. Only the present and future from now on. It was time to make that conscious decision and say goodbye to the past. He was a dog now. A good dog.
The dog padded up to the mirror. His friendly if melancholy expression greeted him like an old friend. The harsh self-judgment of his gaze seemed less biting. Less abrasive. It was also a part of his past. From now on he was determined to look on the bright side, even if it killed him in the process.
He stepped out of his shorts--the only clothing he wore now--and stood in front of the mirror. The naked truth was that he was an attractive dog. He had beautiful markings, soft fur, bright differently covered eyes, a thick sheath, and a waggly tail. And he had a lot going for him. He was talented and had a bright future. He was a fucking catch. Maybe he'd ask Jackson out after Frisbee or something, though he wanted to focus on himself for a bit. He began to fondle himself as he took his furry balls into his paws.
Curtis the human was gone. Curtis the dog was here to stay. And anyone who wasn't OK with that wasn't worth crying over. Not even...
The phone buzzed from the floor and he froze. He winced and stared at it for a few beats before he was finally able to summon the courage to pad over to pick it up. Surely one of his friends was just checking in on him after his classes were done for the day. He finally lifted the phone to check the notification and he felt his heart flutter and skip a beat as he read the message from Ollie.
'I'm so sorry, Puppy. Please forgive me. I wish things were different.
BTW I met my sheep family.'
The three dots appeared again, but soon disappeared as reality came crashing back down. Curtis wasn't sure if he would have preferred if Ollie hadn't responded at all.
So tired of love songs, tired of love songs ('Cause I'm so tired)
Tired of love songs, tired of love