An eight year old girl.
Sound crazy, yeah that's what I would have said a few weeks ago. No way! That's impossible! What kind of a publicity stunt is this?
Unfortunately dear viewer its true, all of its true. You know how they put warning labels on bottles. You know how you never really read them. Well thats what happened to me. Let this be a lesson to you, always read the instructions. But let's start at the beginning, how I found myself going from Hollywood's It list to the third row in Mrs. Graham's third grade classroom.
It started innocently enough. There I was looking spectacular. I mean seriously look at me! Hourglass figure, perky C cup breasts, and long, luxurious sandy brown hair. Hell, with all the beauty products I use (and fully endorse by the way) I didnt even have any wrinkles. I was 4p but could easily pass for someone 10byears younger.
Anyway I had just come from an interview on E discussing my latest project. The interview itself was nothing special, the usual fluff about what it was about, what I was doing, how cute my male co-star was. It was all smiles and laughter, that is until I returned to my dressing room. That was when it happened. The absolute worst thing that can happen to a woman like me in my profession.
A grey hair.
Grey hairs for women are a death sentence in Hollywood. Sure for a guy it opens up all sorts of opportunities but for women, ugh. Greys hairs would mean I would go from starring as a leading lady to being someone's mom or the kooky, smart-ass grandma. As fun as those grandmas are, I am SOOOO not ready to play those parts. Thats what led me to the shop.
The shop itself wasn't anything special, some shop in an out of the way spot in between a pawn shop and a Chinese restaurant. Still, something about it drew me in.
Anyway as soon as I walk in I get this creepy feeling, like I just walked into a horror movie. It didn't help that a man behind the counter looked like the Crypt Keeper. Still, I walk up to him and tell him my problems. He smiled, showing off the three rotten teeth in his head before handing me the lotion that would change my life.
I was so excited that I didn't pay attention to what he said. Something about not overdoing it. Whatever,if it would help get rid of the grey I didn't care. All I heard him say was use it before I went to bed by rubbing it on my face. How that would get rid of grey hair was a mystery but he said to trust him. Unfortunately thats exactly what I did.
I was so excited when I got home that I didn't even wait. Immediately I ran to my bathroom, slathering this gunk all over my face. Imagine my surprise when my skin absorbed it almost instantly. Curiously I now watched, amazed by what I saw.
That grey hair Immediately began to lighten, turning back to the beautiful brunette I knew so well. I was overjoyed, I literally started jumping up and down in my bathroom. Imagine my surprise when I noticed, other changes.
You don't realize you look older, until you actually see yourself become younger. It was amazing, I watched as my face began to glow, rounding slightly, my skin glowing with youth and vigor. The 40 year old woman looked closer to 30 now. Eyes shining, skin healthy, even my hair looked more vigorous. It amazed me too when I noticed my breasts actually perk up a bit, I hadn't even noticed them starting to sag but, there it was.
It shocked me too when I noticed my body change. Despite yoga and working out, I had begun to notice a little bit of extra weight around my hips and theighs. It was nothing overly concerning but it definitely made me reconsider that extra slice of pizza on a cheat day. Now, that extra bit of flab was gone, leaving my pants with just a smidge of extra room.
I was overjoyed, over the moon with the results. I had gone from 40 to 30 in moments by just applying some lotion from a store. It wouldn't be until later that I would find out what I had gotten myself into.