RK Palatine, clad in his usual expensive Bohemian garb, sat across from Rusty and Troy on their new recliner, a spot normally reserved for Rusty but they needed to discuss business. The overly muscular German Shepherd anthro looked on edge and Troy, though a muscular anthro tiger, managed to look meek. Rusty hadn’t even wanted to have a discussion with RK, but Troy had persuaded him to just hear him out. At worst, they’d still get some information out of him about the future that might increase their chances of surviving the Book of Transmutation.
“I’ve made preparations too, you know.” RK explained, “Searched the country and the future for potential allies.”
“Pliable ones, you mean.” Rusty interjected. “You’re playing the long game.”
“If by ‘pliable’ you mean ‘isn’t a psychotic murderer’, then yes.” RK shrugged, “And of fucking course I’m playing the long game. That’s the strength of the Book of Divination.”
“He just doesn’t want you to throw us away like game pieces.” Troy soothed.
“You DO realize that eventually we will have to fight each other, right?” RK directed that at Troy.
“So why should we trust you?” Rusty growled.
“Because that’s later, this is now. And right now, if the Book of Transmutation takes your book, I lose in every timeline.” RK said. “So, RIGHT NOW, it behooves me to keep you alive. You can trust me RIGHT NOW to keep you alive.”
“You-you could just be trying to trick us…” Rusty muttered hotly.
“Trick you…by warning you?” RK stared at him.
Rusty stood up and walked out of the room, grumbling. Troy heard the door to the bathroom slam shut. He sighed. Rusty was like this all the time now. Hyper aggressive and vigilant.
“I’m really sorry about that.” Troy’s tail flicked in agitation, “He hasn’t been the same since those Reality Auditors nearly got us. He’s the only one who remembers anything.”
RK sighed. “It’s my fault. I needed him to consider my help, or heed my words at the very least. That’s why I never warned him about them, so he could experience their punishments in person.”
“That’s more than a bit cruel!” Troy snarled. “He can barely sleep, and he keeps patting his belly like he’s terrified he’s about to grow a gut!”
“Hey man, if you saw what happens when the Book of Transmutation get a hold of you, you’d say it was worth it too.” RK held up his hands. “Plus, if Rusty failed to resist the reality alteration, you’d all still be happy. They didn’t lie about that. Someone else would obtain the Book of Beasts, of course, but I would have persuaded you to go into hiding.”
“I appreciate that, but Rusty…dude has a competitive streak a mile long. The moment you told him some guy was coming to kill us, he was happy for the challenge. Kept quoting Cracking Mad, ‘I am the danger’.” Troy shook his head. “I think the Book of Transmutation is the one who knocks.”
“No, that’s not why he’s upset.” RK said. “The Reality Auditors-yes there are more than one-have their own personalities. Most are professional. Had a guy provoke Paradox by streaming as a woman. Almost gets turned into a woman. That’s normal. Then, other Auditors are…less professional. Turning you all into fat nerdy pigs, knowing Rusty would absolutely hate that, intentionally allowing you all time to unduly suffer. Very unprofessional.”
“Wait, the cruel part was letting us fight against, not turning us into poor fat nerdy boars?”
“Well, if you weren’t police because you were fat you wouldn’t be able to choose bear or tiger anthroforms in the reality you created, right? The cruel part was stringing you along instead of just doing it. The streamer I was talking about was very nearly fucked in less than ten minutes. Literally.”
“So Rusty isn’t angry that he almost lost, he realized the Auditor was playing with him and that if he had taken the job seriously, he would have lost,” Troy said slowly, “Worse, the only thing that saved him was you.”
“Exactly. I expect he’ll reject my offer of alliance.” RK patted Troy’s paw. “Don’t worry, you’ll receive from help in unexpected places.”
The sound of the toilet flushing came from the bathroom and Rusty came out, glaring at RK.
“Talking about me behind my back like I can’t fucking hear you!” Rusty barked. “Sounds like you already know my answer. Get out!”
Troy shifted uncomfortably on the couch.
RK turned on the TV. “Have you been watching the news?”
Rusty licked his chops. “You think your Divination will protect from me?”
“Yes.” RK leaned back on the recliner. “You couldn’t even beat the Auditor without my help. I know you won’t arrest me or beat me.”
Rusty stepped forward, cracking his knuckles menacingly, “Now that’s a thought. Why wouldn’t I?”
RK pointed at Troy. “Three, two, one….”
“Rusty!” Troy pointed at the TV screen. “Look!”
Rusty growled at RK, who merely rolled his eyes, and shifted his gaze to the screen. RK started flicking channels, catching all the headlines.
The Dead Rise! Residents of New Orleans Lock Doors As Zombies Roam Streets, Likely Drug Addicts And Not Risen Dead, Experts Say
Gang Members Mysteriously Slaughtered In LA,
Over One Hundred Elderly Disappear From Local North Carolina Nursing Home
Nebraskan College Athletics Department Overwhelmed With New Athletes
Local New Jersey Man Most Likely To Become President, Everyone Says
New Mexico Facing Missing Person Issues, FBI Says Disappearances Strongly Resembles Texas Spree
Over One Hundred Youths Arrested After Claiming Missing Nursing Home Resident's Identities
Shmepsi Commercial Causes Outrage, What is PAWG?
College Looks Forward To New Gym Facilities, Coach Says “He’s Never Seen a Better Selection This Year”
Up-And-Coming Presidential Candidate From New Jersey Struck By Lightning On Clear Day After Claiming God Chose Him To Save Country, Dies Instantly.
LA Police Informant Claims to Have Seen Dragon Before Cremated Remains Found in Back Alley.
Mysterious Plushies and Dildos Appear In Areas Missing Persons Last Seen, New Mexican Law Enforcement says
Youths Demand DNA Tests, Investigators Still Searching For Missing Residents.
College Faces Bankruptcy After Issuing Too Many Athletics Scholarships, Claims a Computing Error Caused It
Serial Killer Spreads Terror Across State Lines As Limbs Of Tracy Smith, 23, Found In Local Park, New Mexican Residents Advised to Lock Doors, Emergency Curfew Activated
New Orleans Residents Give Sigh Of Relief After “Zombies” Struck By “Multiple Fireballs”. Investigators Say Gas Leaks Responsible
“Sounds like the Book of Arcane has been busy.” Troy commented.
“They have the Book of Mind.” Rusty nodded, “Probably the Book of Necromancy as well.”
“Oh, I think they may have missed that one.” RK nodded at the next headline.
Bodies of Homeless Found Drained of Blood In Houston
“Great,” Rusty rolled his eyes, “He’s coming through here too.”
“Or her,” Troy pointed out, “We don’t know who has the Book.”
“That’s all of them accounted for.” RK stated. “Book of Myth in LA, Necromancy in Houston, Arcane+Mind following them, likely to secure the kill, Body in Nebraska, Divination and Beast in Arizona, and Time is following the East coast, hitting Nursing homes with Youth Spells.”
“That,” Troy said finally, “Is a whole lot of fucking Paradox.”
“I’m not interfering with Time. She’s useless.” RK said.
“So, the Paradox…” Rusty said.
“She’s 123 years old and will die.” RK replied. “Her Book is going to someone else soon.”
“That’s so childish. Who’d do that to themselves?” Rusty huffed.
“A five year old with a limited concept of death.” RK replied.
“Fuck.” Rusty said.
They sat in silence.
“You couldn’t stop her?” Troy finally asked.
“No. She put me in stasis the moment she learned I was a Book user.” RK said.
“She was smart enough to do that, then.” Rusty sneered.
“Laugh it up chuckle fuck, her replacement is in Las Vegas.” RK replied, “And he really likes games.”
“No talking him out of it?” Troy asked, hopeful.
“No.” RK stated, voice flat. “Don’t approach him.”
“Okay, so who wins in your futures, if the board is left untouched?”
“Myth. Time. Transmutation, Arcane.” RK ticked them off his fingers. “Those are the likeliest timelines in that order. The most likely order of deaths is Arcane kills Mind, then kills Necromancy. Transmutation kills Beast and Body. Arcane continues on to LA, fights Time. 50% chance she wins. Otherwise, Transmutation fights Time, who now has Arcane and Mind, and loses. Time fights Myth. 50% odds. If Arcane wins, she moves on to fight Myth, loses, but hides to recover, gets found by Transmutation, he serial murders her because she fits his profile. Then he fights Myth. 50% odds.”
“Christ, how powerful is Myth?” Troy wondered.
“Very.” RK replied.
“Wait,” Rusty held up a hand, “Who kills you? Everyone fought but you in those timelines.”
“I get killed at the end, after years of being hunted.” RK shrugged. “They always find me. Game Over.”
“But we don’t need to kill each other.” Troy said. “Do we?”
“Well, I say die, because it’s easier than saying ‘aged back to infancy with no memory’, ‘turned into a magic koi and stuck in a pond as a trophy’ or ‘became a very handsome sex doll prototype in a very successful new product line’.” RK replied. “Plus sometimes they do just kill you guys.”
“What about forming an alliance with Arcane?” Rusty asked. “She seems…relatively reasonable.”
RK smiled. “What do you think this timeline I’m making has as an endgame team?”
“Three of us versus Myth?” Rusty snorted. “Sounds like overkill.”
“I promise not to sacrifice you as a game piece.” RK nodded at Troy, “If you promise to hand me your Book at the very end, I’ll give you a happy ending.”
“What about Arcane?” Rusty asked.
RK was silent.
“Ah. We’re betraying her then?” Rusty snorted. “Typical.”
“She’s a good person but she’s nuts, Rusty.” RK said.
“Never met her.” Rusty shrugged, “I won’t commit to betraying someone I’ve never met for promises you can’t guarantee.”
“What’s the stick?” Troy asked, surprising the other two. “The promise was the carrot.”
“If you don’t form an alliance right now, the Book of Transmutation will take out three people you care about.” RK replied.
“And you won’t interfere, even to save their lives?” Rusty demanded. “They aren’t just pieces on a game board for you to shuffle around, RK.”
“Have you set the future?” Troy asked.
“Have I seen the future, you mean?” RK replied, confused.
“Set. SET the future.” Troy said. “Don’t play coy, the girl in white told us about the other spells in the Books.”
“No.” RK stated slowly, “But that is the most likely outcome even if you win. Four is the worst outcome if you win. You never win without losing at least two friends.”
“Then I’ve made up my mind.” Troy rose to his feet. “We’ll win on our own. And then we’ll find Arcane and convince her to bring our friends back with her Counterspell.”
“If that’s what you want.” RK stood and walked to the door.
“Don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya.” Rusty growled.
Neither of them saw the smile on RK’s face as he left.