“Gosh, I don’t even know where to begin…” Carrie said, eyes roaming all around the area. Upon closer inspection, there was just so much to take in. The world around them was abuzz with activity.
Across the street, a Scotsman in a kilt was arguing angrily with his bagpipes, who were clearly disinterested in the song he wanted to play. From the way they squabbled, one would think they were an old married couple, and for all John and Carrie knew, they indeed were.
An anthropomorphic dog was simultaneously evading and taunting a dog catcher - the dog laughed maniacally after pulling a cream pie out of nowhere and smashing it into the dog catcher’s face.
A young woman rocketed up into sky, her face red and her mouth belching out flames after she took a bite from the wares sold at Spanky’s Specially Spicy Space Spam cart. From the looks of the vendor, Spanky was some kind of space alien with three eyes and tentacles for arms.
“I know what you mean,” John said, eyes lingering for a moment as a car with eyes for headlights and a grill that doubled as a mouth kissed his humanoid wife goodbye as he dropped her off to work at the Big Important Documents and Stuff Office Building.
“I mean, how do you even narrow it down? It’s all so… so same and different at the same time!” Carrie chuckled as a middle aged man stumbled out of Andy’s Anvil Emporium, bobbing up and down with each step as his body was now folded like an accordion and a big lump stretched out on the top of his head. Didn’t take much to figure out what had happened in there.
John and Carrie’s indecision was interrupted by a very polite and very southern
“Ah don’t mean to intrude,” sounding out behind them. They turned around to see an adorable blonde standing there, wearing a pink flannel shirt under denim overalls, sizable work boots on her feet, and a cowboy hat on her head.
“Oh, uh, hi,” Carrie smiled politely. “Are we in your way?”
“Goodness me, no, not at all. Ah just saw y’all an’ Ah just had to introduce mahself. Mah name is Penelope Pumpernickel, an’ Ah must say, Ah ain’t never seen a more perfectly precious pair o’ piggies in mah entire life.”
John and Carrie looked at each other in confusion, before looking back to Penelope.
“I’m sorry, but we’re not” John started, but was interrupted by Penelope lifting her finger and tut-tutting.
“Now now, ain’t no need ya be so modest,” Penelope continued. “Ah seen a lotta piggies in mah time here, an’ you two are just about the most perfectly plump piggies Ah ever did see.”
“But we’re not pigs, we’re people!” Carrie said. “We’re here on our honeymoon.”
“Oh,” Penelope tilted her head to the left, as of what Carrie said made absolutely no sense. “Ah do apologize for any offense, honest. Ah just saw those adorable little curly-cue tails sittin’ above those big ol’ ham hocks an’ Ah guess Ah ASSumed.”
Both John and Carrie’s eyes went wide as they turned to look first at their own backsides and then at each other’s. Sure enough, Penelope was right. Not only were they now in possession of far more considerable rear ends than before, but those rear ends were definitely adorned with pig tails.
“Ah got me a lovely little farm resort just outside a’ town,” Penelope said, a slight smirk on her face. “The place is just absolutely perfect for plump piggies, but since y’all CLEARLY ain’t piggies, Ah guess y’all just wouldn’t be interested in spendin’ your honeymoon there…”