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Animalia Magazine: Big Birthdays Edition

added by makutamon A year ago O

The July Issue of Animalia Magazine, often called the Birthday Issue, had plenty of fun facts about birthdays in general, such as the origins of Birthday Cakes, as well as a list of important world events that happened in July. There was also a new article that discussed the history of both the original Animalia Virus outbreak, the growth of Animalia and its colonies, and (a really unusual one) the evolution of the "furry" fandom.

In an example of the last one, there were many who were surprised that the concept of human-animal hybrids actually reached back as far back as Ancient Egypt and Mesopotamia, though "sexy furs" as we know them didn't really come about until the late 20th-early 21st Century.

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An unusual article talked about ancient technologies that were well ahead of their times, or technologies that became lost to the ages and were only recently discovered or rediscovered. While some were understandable, some were downright shocking. For example, a recent discovery of a papyrus scroll that was actually a diary from a quarry worker revealed how the pyramid builders were able to get the stone blocks to Giza: they were transported by barges along natural and manmade canals to get them as close to their worksite, before being transported using rollers along well-oiled wooden tracks.

Another recent discovery, this time from Japan, was actually a scroll that discussed the ninja code. One mystery the scroll solved was the reason why ninjas were so secretive: that they "solemnly swore" never to reveal any secrets or be hunted down and punished by "big and small gods" across more than sixty provinces in Japan.

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Another article talked about Astronomical events in July, as well as the origins of certain names of certain events. The best example was the origin of the name "dog days of summer", which was actually tied to the star Sirius rather than to any myths and legends about dogs. In fact, the original meaning for Sirius, or seírios in Greek, actually was "scorching", which, in some ways, explained why it was so hot during this time period.

For the deer/moose/others-who-grow-antlers of Animalia, July's moon (and by extension, all of July) marked the peak of "Antler growth season", much to everyone else's confusion. As part of this season, deer, moose, and elk Animalians would be spending a lot more time in the gym. There was also a sub-article that talked about the differences between antlers and horns, to help separate the confusion between the two. There was another sub-article that talked about the evolution of antlers, and why certain species of deer (such as Korean Water Deer) didn't have them. Of course, on the digital version, there were plenty of "pro-religion-anti-evolution" who decried such information as "false", but these actually had the opposite effect than what they intended.

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Another article talked about the history/"evolution" of Animalia's current colonies as well as developments in future colonies. A sub-article talked about Animalia's planned cruise ship, which was planned to travel among the colonies around the Mediterranean Sea, thereby eliminating most of the need for a casino/strip club in every colony, whether due to religious/political views or otherwise.

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The most recent "evolution" to strike a colony was due to Pride Month 2022, after a fashion. Due to the reputation of Texans being "stupid", "xenophobic", or similar, less polite terms, Dino City was facing an influx of gay and lesbian members. Fortunately, this was causing a lot of business to boom for neighboring Glen Rose, especially those that catered to Dinotopians and their needs, dietary or otherwise. Unfortunately, this was causing another rezoning/housing issue. Skull Island couldn't really help with that because there were plenty of gays and lesbians who wanted to become aquatic Dinotopians, and was facing a housing issue of its own.

Because of this, there were new plans for another Dinotopian colony in the southeastern United States on the table, though that was still a way off. As was the case, trolls, perverts, and similar people were flooding the website with ridiculous suggestions, though there were a few that actually made sense, such as "Nowhere in or near Florida" (due in no small part to the "Florida man/woman" articles of people in Florida doing stupid, crazy, illogical, etc., things), though that didn't remove Florida completely from the list of possible locations.

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A final article was labeled "The Evolution of Radiation in Popular Fiction", inspired by the large number of people who had undergone conversion to treat radiation-based illnesses. The article talked about how radiation "evolved" in popular/fictional culture, from the Incredible Hulk (who had gained his powers from a radiation blast) to the post-apocalyptic wastelands and two-headed animals of the Fallout Series. It also contained an initial, "declassified" report of the results from the conversion, heavily embellished with elements from science fiction. What wasn't embellished was the fact that, while everyone had ended up somewhat larger than "normal" Animalians, there were only one or two, both in Lyre/Animalia and Heiya Island, that ended up as big as either Hunni Bunni or Tsukuyomi, including those who had chosen horse, bull, or similarly sized animals for their conversion.


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