Troy trudged to the warehouse, waving at Daryl as he went past. The warehouse lay at the end of a dirt road at the edge of town. Aside from the warehouse, only a farmhouse with a sagging porch was nearby. On the sagging porch of the farmhouse was a big mottled pink and gray hog named Daryl. He was the guy Sam had rented the warehouse from. The hog was smoking a cigarette in one hand, chugging a 40oz in the other, watching a football game.
“Ya got a live one in there Troy!” Daryl called. “Human looking for a shift.”
“Thanks for the heads up.” Troy waved.
“Hey, you send him my way. Lonely drinking by mahself.” Daryl snorted.
“I’ll try, but no promises.” Troy shrugged.
A human, huh? This could be interesting. He reached for the knob and opened it. Before he could walk in, a young white guy with brown hair and blue eyes shouldered past him. As the guy did, he glanced at Troy and jumped.
“Holy shit! You’re a dog!” the young man gaped.
“Yeah man, I’m a fucking dog, so what?” Troy stepped around him.
The guy-young enough that Troy couldn’t tell if he was old enough to drink-blocked him off.
“How?”
Troy stared at him. “Are you from around here?”
“No, I just got into town, looking for a job and you posted a Craigslist ad. $20 an hour doing sextoy warehouse work and product testing.” The young man said.
“Did you fill out the application?” Troy asked.
“Yes.” The young man kept staring at him, eyes wide, as though he were taking all of Troy in. “I’m Todd Shepherd. How are you a dog?”
Troy sighed. “Look kiddo, what do you wanna be? You got the whole animal kingdom. I can even do robots and dildos, if you wanna get kinky.”
“I…wha?”
“Binturongs smell like popcorn. I was looking them up, trying to find things that might be interesting.” Troy blithely continued on. “So that’s something. But statistically speaking, I’m guessing you want to be a wolf.”
Todd stared at him and nodded. “Yeah.”
“Fast or slow? Do you want to remember being anything else?” Troy said.
“S-slow? And…I mean, a little.” Todd replied.
“Stay right here.” Troy started passed him and paused. “Oh right, forgot the other questions. Top or bottom, straight or gay, twink or what’s your kink?”
“Kind of rhymed there. At the end.” Tod licked his lips. “Bottom."
Troy said. “And do you want me to suck your dick now, while it’s happening, or afterwords?”
“No.” Todd blushed, “I’m fine.”
“Is that like a ‘no but actually yes’ or is it more of a ‘no, please don’t rape me hot strange dog man’?”
“You’re fat.” Todd blurted. “S-sorry.”
Troy looked down and slapped his college gut. “Got me there. Alright, so that’s gay-”
“I’m not gay!” Todd stammered.
“Then you’re shit out of luck kid, because product testing involves sticking your dick in fake assholes.”
“I-,” Todd shrugged. “Whatever, fine. Gay.”
“Right, thought so. So gay, twunky bottom wolf. I’ll make sure you’ve got some stretch down there for the dildos we’ll need tested. Some of them are horsecock size, so very stretchy. Got a type?”
“What are we doing here?” Todd asked, “I thought I was just getting whatever treatment you guys got.”
“You will, bud. Just doing a Complete Recall thing, craft your perfect fantasy.” Troy wagged a finger at him. “And no fucking whining about it later! Everyone is angry at me now, so you better get things right the first time.”
“Um,” Todd blushed, “I wanna meet a guy who I can be happy with?”
“Vague.”
"This is a waste of my time." Todd tried to leave.
"Hey kid, wanna beer!" Daryl shouted from his porch.
Todd frowned. "Should I?"
"Go ahead." Troy grinned. "You'll love Daryl."
Todd narrowed his eyes. "I think you mean that literally."
"I do." Troy shrugged. "Let me rephrase my last question: What is your perfect date?"
“I want…” Todd licked his lips. “I want a guy who is more experienced, exotic. Opens my eyes to new experiences. Let's me, I dunno, worship his divine glory. Or his dick.”
"Uh-huh," Troy withdrew a notepad and pen and started writing things down. “And you’ll be a punctual and happy employee.”
“That’s not a sexy fantasy!” Todd protested.
“Okay, well, first of all, it is when you go into the back of the warehouse and not just the front desk area. And second, that’s how you pay me for altering you before reality makes choices for you.” Troy shrugged. “Nothing worth having is free. If you wanna be happy, you pay the cost. If you don’t…someone else will.”
“Like…?”
“Have you seen the town lately?” Troy pointed at the enormous hog, sitting on a chair on a saggy front porch, chugging down beers like he was at a fair. “You stand near Daryl over there too long and BAM! End up another fat hog redneck. It spreads like that.”
“Hog?” Tod asked. “I thought they said it was a medical treatment?”
“Are you sure you don’t want to go over there and find out? That might be your cup of tea.”
”No.” Todd said flatly. “Give me the treatment or whatever.”
Troy held out his paw. Todd reached out, tentatively, and shook it.
Troy grinned. “Great, you’ll be done in a few hours. Stand here and cover your ears for a 60 second count and then leave. You start tomorrow.”
Todd did as he was asked, confused.
Troy entered the warehouse office and closed the door. He looked out the window at the young man, pictured the desired final product and whispered. “Half.”
Then he opened the door and went back outside. “Okay, done.”
Todd looked down at himself. “I’m human.”
“Right. Slow.” Troy gently led him away from the warehouse and pushed him to his car. “You’ll be a generic wolf in three hours. See you tomorrow.”
“What about training?” Todd shouted as Troy walked away. “This is bullshit!”
“You’ve already been trained. You’ve been working for me since I started it under new management last week. Or…you will have. Time alterations from a reality shift are always kinda fluid like that.” Troy waved. “You can sit down next to Daryl if you want! You won’t turn into his cousin or gay lover or…I dunno, both.”
“Fuck you Troy!” The hog hollered from his porch.
“He can cum for half an hour.” Troy whispered.
“I have zero interest in fucking a fat redneck hog!” Todd ground his teeth and walked away.
“Fuckin’ rude!” Daryl the hog huffed. “You up for a fuck, Troy?”
“Sorry Daryl, gotta work.” Troy shrugged. “I did try sending this one your way like I promised.”
“I am one hundred percent hog!” Daryl grabbed his package. “He’s missing out.”
Troy gave him the ‘what can you do?’ gesture and went back inside. The warehouse, properly described had five rooms. The front office was a reception area with a manager’s office and a bathroom connected to it. Then there was the storage room/work room, which took up the biggest portion of the building. It had an alcove for a breakroom that contained a kitchenette and a small table and another small bathroom. The rest of the storeroom was filled with workbenches and packages.
Tex stood quietly at one of the tables, staring at Big Hoss Hank in his package. The big bullman didn’t look happy. He looked up when Troy entered the room and waved.
“Hey you.” Tex tried to smile and failed. “Ready to make me a servant?”
Troy handed him the Book of Transfiguration. “No, I need to be punished.”
Tex stared at the Book stupidly. “I…how long?”
“Wait, you aren’t saying no?” Troy frowned. “I’m really that bad?”
“Ya hurt people, Troy. And now when Rusty is running around cleaning up your mess, ya just sit at home and smoke pot.” Tex stated matter-of-factly. “Anything in particular?”
“Nah. Just bring me back in 24 hours.”
“And then you’ll do me, right?” Tex asked.
Troy nodded. “I understand why you want it now.”
“Plug your ears.”
Troy did.