[Distorted infomercial playing at 3:30 AM on a public access channel]
“Revenge. We all want it. Both large and small. Revenge for that asshole who decided to cut you off on the way to work and nearly made you crash your car. Revenge for that anonymous bastard online who won’t stop sending you the worst kind of DMs. Revenge for all those phone calls about your warranty that you never even bought. And revenge of a more serious nature. That boss who makes your life in the office a living hell. That creepy guy down the street who won’t leave you alone in the middle of the night. That ex who thinks the worst time in your life is soooo funny. And so on and so on and so on…”
“We all have these bastards and bitches in our lives. But what can we do? Buy a gun? Why perpetuate threats and fear of violence? Go to the police? Why should we have to suffer bureaucracy when they sit on their asses? No. As a doctor of a myriad of sciences, I decided there has to be a better way. And there is.”
“Revenge Rooms from Dr. Skalnik. Using a proprietary technology I can create the perfect isolated prison where the terrible people in your life can learn valuable lessons outside the jurisdiction of any nation or reality. And they can be popped back right where they left with all the consequences they deserve without any connections to you. We’re private and entirely discreet about all matters. Packages begin at $100 a day with some additional fees depending on the kind of technology you want to use. Most rooms default to a simple hotel setup but we have many custom scenarios for those who want their revenge to be of a particular sort. Call today and reserve your peace of mind!”