“Ahhh….Fuck…..How much did I drink last night?” You groan, slowly blinking from the sudden sunlight as you begin to finally awaken from your alcohol-induced stupor. Your whole body aches as you make several futile, stumbling attempts to sit up, feeling like you’ve been hit by a semi-truck. You *do* vaguely recall a truck from your shattered, black-out induced memories, as you try to piece together exactly what happened that night after you left the bar. But then again, if you were really hit by a truck, you’d be dead, rather than…..wherever…..
“What the HELL!?” you gasp, suddenly 100% more sober than you were just a second ago. The last thing you do remember is stumbling out of the bar…..and hungover or not, you’re pretty damned sure that the bar, was in fact,*not* situated next to a fucking forest. And yet, that’s what you see before you. No matter where you turn in your sudden, alert confusion, there’s nothing but dirt and tall trees, swaying in a gentle breeze.
Okay. What the absolute FUCK is going on. Drunk as you might have been, you know for a fact that you didn’t let anyone else touch your drink. So how is it that you were now stranded in the middle of the woods? You’re dreaming, right? Gotta be…..
Taking a few long minutes to finally stand on your rubbery legs, you’ve scarcely taken a step before the nearby bushes begin to violently rustle. Shit…..what now? A wolf, a bear…or maybe-
“OH WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!”.....is what you would have said, had you been able to properly grasp the sight of the *thing* approaching from out of the underbrush. Yes, *thing*. There was no other word for it. It stalked forward on six clawed, powerful limbs, revealing a large form of thick, jet-black plated skin. Its face was featureless, save for thick, tendril-like hair and a gaping maw, which you had the unfortunate displeasure of discovering possessed not one, not two, but THREE sets of razor sharp teeth.
The next few moments are a blur. One moment you’re rooted down in fear, the next, you’re tearing off in the opposite direction of the freakish monstrosity, pushing deeper into the thick brush. Your entire body, still aching from the hangover, now feels like it’s absolutely on fire. Thorns and brambles sick into your skin, and your clothes are now covered in dirt and grime.
You don’t know where you’re going, and you *really* don’t care right now. All you want is to get away from….*whatever the hell* that THING is, and-
“AAAGH!”
You find yourself rapidly falling forward all of a sudden, and feel a sharp pain in your ankle as you collide once more with the ground, realizing that you’ve tripped over a rock. Searing agony fills your leg as you attempt to lift it, rendering you essentially paralyzed, and completely at the beast’s mercy.
It lets out an unnatural cry, like a thousand voices, all screaming at once, then begins its advance. And as it advances, you can almost swear that the fucking this is *GRINNING* at you….
But just as the beast began to leap into the air, a black bullet of death, there was an intense bubbling from the nearby river, and before the beast could even touch you, another figure suddenly emerged from the waters, tackling the beast.
“*Another* monster?” You think, looking at the new arrival. Indeed, this newcomer was also quite beastly, but in a way that was noticeably different. Instead of being a monstrosity of near incomprehensibility, this one looked more mundane, if only slightly. They appeared to be some sort of….snake creature? Like, they clearly looked like a blue scaled anaconda or something, but then they had a chest and arms like a person, too….and is it just you, or did they have red hair in a bob cut? And did they(she?) have breasts?
You have very little time to ponder how terrifyingly fucked up your life has gotten in the past half-hour as the snake person and the HR Geiger ripoff begin fighting amongst each other. The Alien-Reject starts swiping it’s claws with fearsome speed, the snake person dodging always at the perfect time. You can’t quite place it, but there’s something….human about the snake creature, and not just the way she(?) looks.
Opposite to the not-Xenomorph(you’re really starting to run out of ways to describe the damn thing), The snake person seemed to be actually calculating their movements, coordinating themselves with the beast, almost like she had done it before…
Then the nightmare beast made a fatal error. Bellowing in its unearthly voice, it charged in furor towards the snake person. That would be its undoing, as the snake person “stepped” out of the way at the last second, sending the eldritch creature into the river’s murky depths.. The snake person followed suit, plunging right in after.
For a few moments, there was no sign of any of them. Then they spontaneously emerged. The demonic creature was ensnared in the snake’s coils, shrieking discordantly as the snake person tightened her grip, slowly the dark creature’s flailing and splashing grew more desperate and anguished, until…
*FWOOM*
In the next very instant the monster just suddenly…vanished…its body completely dissipating into thick, toxic looking black smoke as one last howl of pain filled the forest air.
Then, for a moment there was silence. A silence you wished could have lasted forever right now. But alas, it wasn’t to be, as the snake lady rapidly approached, slithering her way right to you. And for the first time in what seemed like ages, you finally found your voice as you frantically held up your hands and sobbed “PLEASE DON’T EAT ME!”
The snake lady froze in her tracks(do snakes even make tracks?) and you could see the very recognizable human expression of confusion in her emerald green reptilian eyes.
And then…. she *spoke*, in a clearly girlish human voice : “Eat you? Why would I want to do that?”
That was the last straw for your completely shattered state of mind as the darkness of unconsciousness claimed you…..