The next day came. The smell of freshly brewed coffee and sizzling bacon lured all the inhabitants out of their rooms at roughly the same time. Bustling about in the kitchen was the big cuddly chef, Tanaka the Tanuki. Plates were stacked by the kitchen table, and everyone got in line to fill theirs.
“Ohaiyo gozaimasu.” Chef Tanaka bowed and indicated the pans full of food—pancakes, waffles, sausages, bacon, fluffy eggs. “Help yourselves. It is a buffet.”
“May I?” Trog asked Xarxos and sheepishly indicated a piece of bacon.
“Sweetheart, you know you have to watch your cholesterol.” Xarxos patted Trog’s bloated hand.
“I have your low-fat alternatives.” Tanaka offered a couple slices of turkey bacon, which Trog accepted with a sigh.
Xarxos and Tanaka exchanged glances.
“Tanuki?” Tanaka murmured hopefully.
“No.” Xarxos smirked. “Already have one of those.”
“I suppose you do.” Tanaka chuckled. “Kitsune?”
“Hmm, I’d prefer him to be a bit more…bara.” Xarxos replied.
“What are you two talking about?” Trog asked, glancing between Tanaka and Xarxos.
“I suppose you’re the best person to ask. If you could be anything, what would you be?” Xarxos asked.
“Oh,” Trog nodded. “I suppose Foo Dog. They’re fluffy, muscular, but have a tummy. Like me!”
“Interesting choice.” Tanaka smirked. “You’re right, with some hair and muscles, you’d be a spitting image of a Foo Dog.”
“Well, that’s settled.” Xarxos nodded.
Sophia and Mark were happily eating pancakes. Rok and Rusty were giving each other the side eye. Well, one of Rusty’s heads was always staring at Rok while the middle head ate and the far head appeared to be happily panting, lust and hunger in his eyes. Rok would reach for food and find Rusty’s hands reaching for the same dish. It was rather cute but reminded Xarxos of something.
“Oh, before I forget.” Xarxos held out the Book of Divination to Rok. “I believe this is yours, sir.”
Rok stared at the Book, hand shaking. “I…thanks. I’m gonna need some tissues in case my nose starts bleeding.”
Tanaka passed Rok a box of tissues and watched as Rok shook one out, placed it under his piggy nose, then touched the Book. Rok gasped and crimson soaked into the white tissue as he regained his memories. He dabbed his nose a few times, cleared his throat, and placed the Book under his shirt.
“Better?” Xarxos asked.
Rok nodded slowly. He looked disoriented but was recovering quickly.
“So,” Sophia glanced at all of them. “Mark and I were thinking that we should go loot my brother’s mansion.”
“Isn’t that your mansion?” Rusty asked.
“Not really. Sebastian was going to get audited eventually anyways. That place was bought with drug money. With him gone, the government will collect all of his assets.” Sophia shrugged. “I’m saying we should beat them to it. We really only have today before that place is overrun with Feds.”
“I’m surprised the whole thing wasn’t swallowed up by Paradox.” Xarxos said.
“Oh, my brother prepared for that. Tons of contracts put in place. Actually, it might not be a bad idea if you went over there and checked out all his notes.” Sophia took a bite of her quiche and chewed thoughtfully. “I wasn’t privy to many of them, but maybe you could take over as the executor of his contracts.”
“Me…I think that she’s smart thinking. Err, she’s thinking smart.” Rok shook his head. “Sorry. Still kinda dumb.”
“Have some coffee.” Rusty poured him a cup. “Clears the head.”
Mark glanced around. “So Tanaka is the chef, but who’s the guy running around cleaning everything?”
“House Brownies.” Tanaka, Xarxos and Trog said at the same time.
“Oh.” Mark smiled. “Can they clean my room?”
“They already did.” Trog bit into some turkey bacon. “Go up and check.”
“Is it slave labor?” Sophia asked. “You aren’t paying them.”
“We are. Milk and honey.” Xarxos confided. “That’s their preferred method of payment.”
“Oh. Cheap.”
“Milk is like $5 a gallon and honey is at least $7 per plastic bear. If you thought smoking was a drain on your income, try paying Brownies every night.” Trog snorted.
“Right.” Xarxos pushed his empty plate away. “Are you guys ready for a journey back to the mansion?”
Burps and happy moans answered him.
“Alright.” Xarxos glanced at his watch. “Meet you all there in an hour.”
-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--==
The Mansion was oddly lifeless when they arrived. It may have had something to do with being completely abandoned by all guards and servants and summoned beings, but it had this pervasive sense of…coldness. For an elegant manse set upon a cliff on a 105 degree day, that was an accomplishment.
“Tanaka, raid those kitchens.” Xarxos directed under his breath.
“Yes, sir.” Tanaka smirked. “I do so love petty robbery.”
Xarxos rolled his eyes. “Trog? Are you going to loot anything in particular?”
“Oh, these rugs and paintings are spectacular. And they have a walk-in wine cellar so I’m going to pillage!” Trog smiled and rubbed his hands together. “I do enjoy being naughty! Oh, and the humidor. I would absolutely love a good Cuban!”
Xarxos sighed. “Cigars? You are naughty, but if you insist.”
“I’ll crack the vault and toss everything in the car.” Sophia gave them a thumbs up. “He invested in diamonds mostly, shouldn’t be too heavy.”
“Right. Everyone carry as much as you can as fast as you can.” Xarxos said, checking his watch. “I’ll give us an hour. Then it’s up to the study to do some research into Sebastian’s contracts. Alright?”
Sophia nodded. “He has another safe in his study. I can pop it.”
“Right.” Rusty yawned. “Can we please start stealing things? My left head is falling asleep.”
“Operation Steal Anything That Isn’t Nailed Down starts…now!” Xarxos clapped his hooflets together. “Go! Go! Go!”
Everyone took off in different directions as Trog ambled slowly towards the wine cellar.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-
An hour later, everyone met in the study. It was huge: books and tomes—mostly on mythology and contract law—lined the walls. A heavy mahogany desk stood against one wall, a painting of Sebastian and Sophia behind it. A fireplace burned merrily on the opposite side of the room. Papers were sprawled across the desk with stacks of thick manila folders next to them.
“Alright, fan out and find all his contracts.” Xarxos ordered. “Sophia, where’s the safe?”
“Here.” Sophia walked over to the painting and popped a button on the side. It swung open revealing a complex looking safe. She punched in a code and popped the door open. Inside were stacks of money and documents which she pulled out and presented to Xarxos. “The code was my birthday.”
The room became quiet except for the flipping of pages and half-read sentences mumbled under people’s breaths. Rusty was flipping through three piles at once, his heads uncharacteristically focused. He was frowning. Trog seemed troubled as well, flipping between different papers. Mark was next to him, shaking his head and pacing nervously. Only Sophia seemed to be enjoying herself, reading a book on mythological contracts on the desk.
Xarxos watched them, wondering what he was missing. Tanaka stood next to him. He’d looted all the silverware and delicate china. He was staring at the contracts with a frown.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” Xarxos asked.
“Well…” Tanaka’s deep voice echoed in the room. “It…seems that these contracts were gambling on him. He was investing energy in them to divert Paradox, but they were turning around and essentially gambling that energy on Sebastian winning.”
“I don’t understand.” Sophia asked.
“It’s like investing in a stock with other stocks that are of equal value. Then those stocks’ values plummet just before trading opens the next day. The investor no longer has the money to keep that stock afloat.” Trog said.
“Huh.” Rok nodded.
“But he took my Book!” Mark was starting to panic. “He defaulted on my contract! He got hit with Paradox!”
“He was hit for his initial investment.” Tanaka spoke. “It is up to those Deities and Devils to pay it off. And it doesn’t look like they can.”
“Because he lost and died,” Xarxos nodded. “So the Paradox is defaulting on whoever caused it.”
“No!” Tears were flooding Mark’s eyes. “It’s today! The deadline was today! The Paradox is going to come to collect soon!”
“I’m so sorry.” Sophia laid a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. “You’re going to be Audited.”
“A-am I gonna die?” Mark looked wildly between them. “Please, someone, what happens when you get audited?!”
“You aren’t going to die.” Rusty murmured. “You’re going to be punished ironically.”
“Worse, reality alters so no one remembers you any differently, except for Book users, but it’s pretty hard for even them to remember. Especially if they get audited as well.” Xarxos said.
“Rok!” Mark turned to look at the heavily muscled orc. “Use your Book! Check and see if there’s some way to pay it off before the Paradox hits!” He was practically begging, tears running down his face.
“Fine.” Rok rolled his eyes. “It makes me uncomfortable to see an Elf having a panic attack.” He whipped out his Book and set it on the table. “Foresight!”
There was a pause as Rok peered into the future. He tried to focus specifically on Mark, and what would come of him. Every avenue resulted in a confusing, fractured timeline that made no sense, and he felt his decreased IQ. Still, he forced himself against the walls attempting to push through, to see the impossible future. He felt something break as he saw…something. It was… It was…
It was the future. Every future, ever. And it was impossible to comprehend.
Rok screamed, clutching his face as pain shot through his eyes. The bones in his skull popped and shifted, his eyes bloodshot and red. He tried to shut away the paths, the millions and trillions of paths they could take. He could barely focus on what he saw in front of him, the futures shoving themselves to the forefront of his mind and suffocating him.
“I can see them!” Rok bellowed gripping his head as blood dripped from his nose. “The futures! I can see them all…Please make it stop. I can’t make it stop.”
The Book of Divination disappeared from his grasp as sparks of energy shot through the air and into his dilated pupils.
Everyone screamed as Rok’s eyes migrated to the center of his face before merging into one. He barely noticed, mind at the mercy of what was coming next. His headache built up and up and up…and then relief burst through him as a single horn thrust from his forehead. He wobbled, legs giving out as he fell out of his chair.
Xarxos caught him and examined his face. Rok had spells tattooed throughout the whites of his sole eyeball. The book of Divination had somehow merged with his eye.
Rok’s skin lightened from green to a light blue, and the screams grew deeper. He kept his muscles, but ribbons of fat crisscrossed his new form, his belly bulging out. A huge metal belt *popped* into place to hold up his pants as his rear stretched wide.
The new Cyclops grasped his head with hands that were losing digits. Three thick fingers clutched at his bulbous face. What shoes he was wearing reformed into laced sandals revealing thick club-like feet with wide toes.
Drool slipped form his slack jaws as thousands of years of life filled his mind. He was born on an island in Greece, ate mostly goats and the occasional human, and the only future he saw was his own. A simple life. Then things got more complicated as humans developed technology and the only place he felt comfortable was Myth City: the Metropolis that bridged the Fae World and the Mundane one.
As the new memories settled in, his screams subsided, replaced with heavy wheezing. Tears rolled down Rok’s thicker Cyclopean face. He stayed curled up on the floor, shaking and muttering something about time and how small he was now.
Trog, though momentarily startled, returned to reading the contracts. Sophia and Tanaka did the same. Even Rusty looked only vaguely concerned, strolling over to his friend before smiling and patting Rok’s wider back. “You okay bud? Gotta be careful with that lack of depth perception, you know.”
The Cyclops shook his head but his lips seemed to move on their own. “I’m fine. Just my future-sight acting up. You should be more sorry for Mark.”
“For what?” Mark was confused a moment, then his eyes widened in horror. “Oh shit! The Audit!”
Xarxos felt sweat drip down his back, and it wasn’t from the heat, which was steadily rising in the room. He was the only one who’d realized what had just happened. Rok had been Audited.
Sophia knelt next to Mark and hugged him softly. “It’s going to be okay.”
The heat continued to rise
The fireplace spat flames across the floor, leaving scorch marks as it grew and widened, fire rising. Instead of a normal square fireplace, it had become a fiery portal. Screams and moans echoed from the depths of the inferno. Two figures appeared, stepping out of the flames.
Kornelius and Julius, smiling toothy smiles, spade-tails flicking mischievously. In their hands were several contracts.
“Oh my dear, I’m afraid it is not going to be okay.” Julius cackled. “Not in the slightest.”