(Author's note: To all you girls out there, this chapter assumes you are a guy. Please feel free to create your own female branch based on this chapter, but it would be cool if you wrote it in your own words, please.)
You decide to see what exactly opened grandly a while ago. Heading down the path, you come to a clearing in which there is a parking lot. In the middle of nowhere. That doesn't connect to any roads. It's empty except for an old car with no wheels--or even axels, for that matter. There is a building for which, apparently, the lot was made. A sign on the roof says, "SRU-We're here for YOU!" Quaint. A rhyming sign. It doesn't tell you what SRU stands for, but you figure it's worth checking out.
When you enter the shop, a little bell dingles on the door. A musty smell hits your nostrils; the shop is very rustic, with brown walls and candle-lit chandeliers. A (from the looks of it) Middle Eastern man in a sparkly, colorful robe and bright red turban sits at the front desk. He appears to be either reading in a very comfortabe slump, or sleeping. Behind him is a blackboard, with "Spells of Choice" and several apparent titles written in faded yellow chalk. Wait. Spells? That can't be what it means...can it?
There are racks and racks of bizarre antiquities, some ancient-looking, like a genuine Aladdin-style lamp, and some are very modern--hence a "Super-Slut Barbie." You laugh. That would make a great gag gift at office parties. Bookshelves galore also line the walls of the shop, graced by such classics as Satanic Rituals--Why They Aren't so Bad.
The thick dust in the room makes you cough a little, and the man at the front desk wakes up. "Ah!" he says, eagerly. "A customer at last! Welcome, welcome. Is there anything I can help you find?"
"Actually," you reply, "I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for. That is, if I even am looking for anything..."
"A newcomer, eh?" says the odd man. "I'll tell you what I'll do. Since you're this branch's first customer, if you promise to send a friend in the next few days, I'll let you have any item or service sold or performed by this shop completely free of charge. Does that sound like a fair deal, Max?"
"Wha...how did you know..." You glance up at the board behind him as comprehension dawns on your face.
"Yes," he says, "I'm real. Now, back to business. Since you don't know what you want, why don't you just answer a few questions? I'll know just what to get you after that."
"Okay," you say. "Sounds good."
"They're fairly simple. Just answer these three: 1) How often do you have sex? 2)When was the last time you had a girlfriend? 3) What size is your dick?"
"Whoa...uh...these are a bit personal..."
"JUST ANSWER THEM," he snaps back at you, suddenly seeming a bit more commanding than he had before.
"Uh..."