The rain stopped a few hours later. It was starting to get dark, probably mid-afternoon. They wouldn’t get back to the city until dusk.
“I don’t get why you’re so upset.” Jeff grumbled as they walked back to town.
The fat bear was finally picking up on the negative vibes Greg was giving off. Mostly because the giant lion had kicked him awake as soon as dawn came. Jeff rubbed his backside, glad for the extra padding.
“Why am I stuck in some perverted fantasy world?” Greg demanded.
“Because you wanted to play DnD. We used a reality altering device to transport us to a fantasy world. And instead of enjoying it, you’re being an asshole about it.” Jeff glowered.
“Fuck you! I didn’t ask to be here.” Greg said, then turned his muzzle to the sky. “Let me out, Finn! I’m done playing this stupid game!”
“I mean, you haven’t even tried playing, you’ve just complained...” Charlie objected.
“Because I don’t want to be here, I’m done, let me go home!” Greg snarled at Jeff.
“I have no control over that.” Jeff shook his head. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Wrong with me?!” Greg pulled at his mane in frustration, “I got turned into a fucking lion man and got transported against my will to some perverted sex fantasy!”
“You want rules?” Jeff huffed. “Fine. Everything that happens here takes up exactly four hours in the real world. No matter how long we stay here, only four hours will pass. If you die, you are a spirit that must wait for us to find and pay for resurrection. Or…attempt to take possession of an NPC. If you do that, however, you need to be careful you don’t BECOME the NPC mentally. Those are hidden dice rolls.”
“Okay. Geezus, that’s kinda scary.” Charlie murmured, stroking the fur at the end of his muzzle like it was a goatee. “Anything else?”
“Playing your character to the hilt-training, studying, etc.-all of that helps you level up and get stronger. You can multiclass but it’s kind of hidden. Finding someone of the class you want and training with them starts the process. But…there aren’t any penalties if you do it that way. Multiclassing is kinda encouraged, I guess. You wanna become a wizard? Take a look at my Books. We aren’t in some pen-and-paper fantasy, so things are more organic and fluid, the classes are loosey-goosey.”
“Alright.” Charlie nodded, “So find a Mentor. Got it.”
“As far as the way out…well, you have to find the main quest first. These little quests will kinda lead us to that, little clues here and there.”
“The slimes had clues?” Greg snorted.
“No, Greg, the slimes are there to suck you off. Also, they eat crops, so getting rid of them is a good thing too.” Jeff rolled his eyes. “Also, certain NPCs have the ability to transform you. Magic shops are protected magically so be careful if you think about stealing or something bad happens to you. These guys are really into the Castle Doctrine-if you get caught on their property, they can do anything they want and get away with it.”
“Okay.” Charlie nodded. “And?”
“You don’t have to use the quest board to find quests. Ask around. Talk to people. Find out if there’s some legendary sword in a stone somewhere. Then we can go find it. Oh!” Jeff snapped his fingers. “I completely forgot. You need to be careful with what you say about your past. Especially you, Greg. We haven’t created backstories yet.”
“What about them?”
“I would share your backstory with me soon, because if an NPC starts asking you questions and you answer them…Finn won’t know if you’re being sarcastic or not. Or maybe he will and will adjust you accordingly as punishment for not submitting your backstory.”
“Oh. Shit. Uh….” Charlie shook his head. “I don’t have enough information about this world to do that, though? Like I don’t know what factions I can be a part of.”
“Make it up!” Jeff said gleefully. As an example, say you’re the son of an assassin who runs a whole legion of them. That will become true.”
“Oh shit, so mouthing off to an NPC and saying you’re the Sultan of Wherever could make you the Sultan?”
“Well, that’s at Finn's discretion, so they probably would think you’re just delusional. But the point is, you don’t want to leave it at Finn’s discretion. Of course…if you start acting like the Sultan of Wherever and sort of mantle the role of a Sultan in exile….then you’re giving Finn something to play with. In other words, roleplay your character.”
“What the fuck does a lionman barbarian act like?” Greg asked.
“Up to you. You haven’t told us your backstory yet. Finn will help you out if you aren’t having fun, man.” Jeff said. “Just give him something to inspire him. You’re a fucking lionman barbarian, what kinda life do you want to have lived?”
“I don’t really play DnD to roleplay, I do it to kick down doors and kill things and collect their stuff.” Greg said. “I don’t like the playing pretend aspect of it.”
“So an expert in combat. That’s who you wanna be. I think you should train in the more serious parts of town. The sex fetish stuff kinda fluctuates, so if you wanna go mostly non-sexy….that’s a choice.” Jeff shrugged. “You have a ginormous schlong, by the way.”
Greg blushed under his fur and looked away. “I know, it’s a goddamn log.”
“So you think the caravan guard quest would get us going on the main path?” Charlie said.
“Probably. But I do recommend finding mentors and getting at least a day’s worth of training in.” Jeff replied.
The town gates were up ahead. Now that Greg could see it in full view in the evening, he was honestly in awe at just how big it was. On a hill in the center of the city stood a large castle complex. Scattered around the city were random wizard’s towers and large buildings. Signs-some of which were lit up like neon lights-lit the air. Animated figures danced in the sky above some of the businesses and shops.
“It’s like…I dunno, fantasy Vegas.” Charlie murmured, staring up at the various lights.
Greg…had to admit it was all rather grand. He’d describe the setting as Dungeonpunk, honestly. And that was very cool. But he had to deal with completing the storyline so they could all go home. The big lion huffed and kept walking.
“Okay, we turn in quests at the Explorer’s Society. It’s basically an adventuring guild.” Jeff pointed at a four-story building just beyond the main gates in the town square. “There’s probably a mentor or two in there.”
The interior of the guild was filled with all manner of races. Most were much better dressed than their own party, with floating crystals orbiting their heads and staves and weapons and armor made out of strangely colored alloys. There was a huge notice board and a circular bar in the middle of the grand room. No one spared them a glance, save for a voluptuous, full-figured woman smoking a pipe at a table in the back near the bar.
A well-dressed catgirl was waiting for them at the reception counter. The little white-furred cat was wearing very tight, revealing leather gear and was beaming at them when they walked in. She bowed in greeting.
“Greetings! My name is Tsuna. Are you here to apply for a guild license?” Tsuna asked eagerly.
“Guild license?” Charlie asked.
“Mmmhmm! You get a crest with your Guild Rank on it! Everyone who sees it will know you work for the Explorer’s Society! You guys would be starting out, so you’ll be Copper Rank.” Tsuna explained.
“It’s worth it.” Jeff said, rubbing his large belly softly. “You get discounts at certain shops that participate with the Society and half off the room and board here.”
“How long are we staying in this world?” Greg growled.
“Two years, probably. Though only four hours will have passed.” Jeff assured him.
“What the hell am I going to do for TWO YEARS?!” Greg nearly exploded, which earned him looks. The lion mane scratched his mane and glanced around, lowering his voice. “That’s ridiculous.”
“You should make up a backstory and a goal. We sent you guys setting information. Did you bother to read it?” Jeff asked.
“No.” Greg rolled his eyes.
“Nope.” Charlie smiled.
“Typical. I put hours of work into something and you guys don’t even read it.” Jeff dug into his pouch and lifted out a massive tome, something way too big to even fit into the small pouch. “Here. The Gazetteer.”
Greg took it in his big paws and turned it over. The tome was leatherbound and had maps inside. He paged through it. All the major hazards and locations were laid out right there, along with possible backstories for any player.
“So…are we getting the license?” Jeff prodded.
“Alright, sure.” Charlie said, digging out some coins from his belt pouch. “How much?”
“Five gold per person for a license.” Tsuna said, accepting the coinage. “Thanks, here’s your Guild Crests!”
Each of them received a copper Explorer’s Guild Crest. They pinned it on their chests. In Greg’s case, the leather strap for his axes would do.
“We completed the slimes quest.” Charlie said, handing Tsuna the piece of paper.
“Mmmhmm! I heard about that! The farmer was very grateful.” Tsuna smiled and shook out a few small coins. “Here ya go. 3 copper pieces! Good job adventurers!”
Greg blinked down at the three copper coins. “Uh, three copper…?”
“Oh, slimes quests are usually done by children for candy money.” Tsuna explained. “Have you never adventured before?”
“No.” Greg growled.
“That’s okay! Maybe take on a hard quest to get paid properly?” Tsuna suggested with a wink.
“I’ll…consider it.” Greg growled, ears flat in embarrassment.
They left the counter. A few more people, all guild members, wandered inside. The catgirl greeted them happily. Greg looked around, and saw the big-breasted woman in the corner still staring at him. He considered talking her up, but then realized that he didn’t even have enough money to buy her a drink.
“Three copper! That’s not even enough to buy a beer!” Greg grumbled.
“You wanted the quest.” Jeff shrugged. “I told you to do something a bit challenging.”
“This is real, Jeff. We could get hurt defending the caravan!’ Charlie said.
“Then why not retire and become a chef?” Jeff smiled.
“What?” Greg snarled. “What the fuck are you saying?”
“I’m saying,” Jeff growled angrily. “Maybe you should FUCKING PLAY THE GAME, PUSSY! Christ, you decided to be adventurers and you’re afraid of combat?”
“I don’t feel like dying, asshole!” Greg snarled.
“Then become a chef. Change your backstory and stay here forever.”
“Fuck you!” Greg snarled.
Charlie got up and went to the board, pulling the caravan guard quest down and walking back to their table.
“We’ll do it.” Charlie said firmly.
“Charlie!” Greg protested.
“Do you want to go home or not?” Charlie said hotly. “Jeff’s right. We need to shit or get off the pot.”
Jeff pointed to the men and women in the Explorer’s Society tavern. “Go find someone who can help you.”
Greg turned and saw the woman at the corner beckon to him. He glanced over at Jeff, who was busy eating and drinking, playing with his fat happily. The lionman shook his head, mane swaying with the movement. What a damn weirdo, who’d want to be fat when you could be anything? Charlie was walking over to a table full of kobolds, likely to get some tips on traps and rouging or whatever.
So, Greg decided to talk to the woman in the corner. She was a tall, huge-breasted woman, long scarlet locks of her hair framed her beautiful face. From what he could see, she was probably a sorceress.
“Hello.” Greg said, flexing his pecs as he sat beside her.
“Hiya. I’m Valencia.” The woman smiled and held out her hand.
Greg shook it. “So…how does this world work?”
“Ara ara, boyo.” The woman smiled, her accent very thick, and blew smoke in Greg’s face. “Are ya from Japan? Hit by a truck?”
“No. Wait, you know of Japan?” Greg blinked.
“We get a few of them Japanese kiddos running around here with their harems. Very overpowered.” Valencia shrugged. “Do you know a man named Ty?”
“No.”
“Heh, figured. Most of the ones he brings over end up in the stables before too long.” The woman offered her cigarette to Greg.
Greg shook his head. “Can you help me out?”
“Ay, I can at that. You wanna stay a Barbarian?”
“I don’t really know. Do you know any that can teach me?”
“I’m a barbarian, boyo!” The woman laughed.
“You-? What-?”
Valencia pointed at the giant-sized axe on the wall behind her. “That’s mine.”
Greg stared at it, and then to her. “But you’re-”
“Hehe, appearances are deceiving.” The woman smirked. “So what do ya say? Do you think I can teach ya properly?”
“Sure.” Greg nodded. “How long will it take?”
“One month.” Valencia said. “Or whenever ya die.”
“What about my friends?” Greg asked, looking around for Charlie or Jeff, who seemed to have disappeared.
“Talk to them when we’re done. I’ll leave a message to ‘em for ya.” The woman grasped his hand and blew her smoke at a space nearby.
The smoke congealed into a swirling vortex of magic that even Greg could identify as a portal. She hefted the ginormous axe and winked. Then she stepped through, pulling Greg along with her.
“Wha-? Hey!” Greg yelled before they stepped through into the swirling energies.