It was a dim and cool night, a night that Mike had marked on his calendar the past week for the new moon; the perfect night to go out and do what his high school classmates dubbed “pickin’”. The wet pasture grass slopped underneath his worn-out tennis shoes, as he sneakily approached the huge greenhouse in his all-black hoodie and sweatpants. Past that white plastic tarp that covered the large building was his prize, now all he had to do was find the door and-
“Hey! Quit it! Git!” Mark spat in a hushed whisper, shoving away the curious nose of a donkey that’s been following him ever since he hopped into its pasture. The lumbering animal relented for a moment before sticking its muzzle right back in Mike’s “business”.
The boy lost any pretense of trying to be stealthy as he yelped, feeling a hot bulbous tongue stroke the fabric lining his inner thighs as gooey donkey drool seeped into his underwear. Mike’s heart quickened. Without a second thought, the boy delivered a kick straight to that intruding snout, trying to give the prying donkey a lesson even an animal might understand.
“Gross!” Mike gasped, standing there bow-legged as he starred back daggers at the donkey. “Fuck off!”
Much to Mike’s surprise, the auburn-furred equine hardly seemed phased by the kick to the nostrils. Its lazy-looking eyes seemed to exhibit an almost human-like expression of mirth, a smug donkey smirk plastered on its black, rubbery lips. It playfully hawed towards the intruding teenager before turning tail and slowly sauntering back towards the pasture.
“Stupid animal…” Mike huffed as he leaned against the entrance to the greenhouse, trying to calm himself before getting back to what he came here for. This was Donkey Dope Farms, the only place that produced Marijuana in the county since it became legal last year. Kids from all over Mike’s school had been bragging about how lax the owner was about security - about how they just slipped in, picked a garbage bag full of leaves, and slipped out without a hint of trouble. Mike was still a virgin when it came to doing weed, but this was the only way he knew how to get it and he just had to give it a shot. He’d just wish his classmates mentioned the dumb donkeys… he could still taste the animal’s stinking musk clinging to the seat of his pants.
Mike gathered his nerves and held his breath as he turned the handle in the greenhouse’s door. The kids at school were right – zero security; it opened just like that! The dark, cool night outside gave way to the bright buzzing of artificial lights inside. Before him was a veritable jungle of Cannabis plants that grew even taller than him. No wonder the owners never knew the other kids had stolen from them, there was just so much of it!
Mike crouched down under the thicket of plants, looking this way and that to make sure the coast was clear. It was late at night and no one seemed to be there, so the boy stood up like normal, focusing his attention on the plants instead of being stealthy. He reached out a hand towards one of the plants to stroke at the telltale five-spaded leaves, rubbing one between his fingers before tearing it off.
“Hmm… How do… you even ‘do’ weed…” Mike thought to himself as he came to the realization the he didn’t know how to turn the plant in front of him into some sort of drug. He sniffed the leaf and stuck the tip into his mouth to see if he could generate some sort of buzz by nibbling on it. “Nope… no dice. Maybe you gotta smoke it to get the effect… but I also heard eating it would do it too… so shouldn’t this be doing something?”
The boy glanced down the rows of plants making up the forest of Cannabis, realizing he didn’t even have the faintest clue which ones were the good ones. Would all of them get him high? ‘Cause the plant he was holding didn’t seem up to snuff, maybe it was too immature? Maybe… just maybe…
A brilliant idea flashed into Mike’s mind as he dropped to his knees to grab the pot the plant was rooted in. “Forget making off with the leaves, just take the plant! I’ll let it ripen up all it needs at home and I’ll be able to grow all the weed I want!”
Mike’s nose curled up as he caught a whiff of the soil in the pot. No wonder they kept all the donkeys here – it was manure, it smelled just like that stupid donkey that prodded away at his butt a few minutes ago. “Guess that’s why it’s called Donkey Dope…” The boy shook off that awkward memory and hefted up the heavy pot, holding it to his chest as he balanced back on two legs.
“Best idea ever! Now all’s left is to get this thing out and-“